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7:54am Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Let your gestures be alive, spontaneous. Let your own awareness decide your lifestyle, life pattern. Don't allow anybody else to decide it. That is a sin, to allow anybody else to decide it.

I get to see this phrase again in my email today . . . I never let anyone decide things for me. I try to play a role once in a while or simply go along with another's expectations for fun and ease. . . people will never recognize me if i don't do this once in a while at least. . .

What are you reading now?

I read "The Way of the Hero" nonjudgment, nonsuffering, nonattachment & beauty . . . I guess I can see how the Motorcycle story has become my own little myth, some story I crafted for myself. It is very true and correct but really expresses more wonderment than pain and suffering. I usually have to point out specific phrases for people to understand any of the pain and suffering. . . since it really never focuses there anyway.

What are you focused on?

I know I always see the joy and beauty in everything. Like this morning I got an email from John . . . another John, the first John I ever met when I first moved into NJ. Wow we've known each other since we were 5 years old . . . He sent me a picture and I laughed about his goatee saying how he still had all his hair and looked as young as me . . . . He laughed too, replying that last week someone asked if he was in his 20's. . . . Yes of course we are . . . though we've known each other over 30 years. . . It's funny to see how many friends I have like that . . . John, Keith, Chuck, Trace, Kristin . . . funny too I've spoken to all but one this month!!!

Also I noticed Kathy's friends are all over 30 years too. . . guess real people come together really easily!

11.37am What now?

I'm still reading. Now it's about the Luminous Warrior" - - - fearlessly moving into life. I guess I was just reading about death. Oh boring, nothing that I ever cared about. I kinda feel like the lighted tunnel I'll see in death will really be the birth canal of my new mother as I pop out onto the Earth again. Like I couldn't stay away from this place if I wanted to. Kathy and I spoke about this some yesterday, how we've been here over and over again. So I told her how I was always the warrior, the pirate or viking pushing the limits of what was possible doing the impossible . . . ho hum, even this seems to get boring.

Why do you say that when you are always in bliss?

I know, because it's always this sine wave, up to the bliss and down to the ho hum, then back up to the blissed out again. Up and down again and again . . . . lol . . . is this why I want to see it all done. . . maybe I think the vibrations will end when I'm all finished. . .

What would be left? All life is an endless vibration, nothing more to it. Stopping the vibrations would be stopping it all. What fun would that be?

I know, that's what I always think about left alone in peace and quiet. It comes and goes . . . just the calm before the storm again. So I'm sure this hurricane season will be a wild one. No fear of course, no concern about it even . . . . . lol . . . no big deal. At least for me!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

victim, rescue roles

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

that was really weird... the next section in the book talked about holding onto the past and reliving the same victim, rescue roles over and over again

Why is that weird, we talked about what we did to get you... You learned and moved on from that all long ago. Your brothers and sister are still lost in that experience, but it' almost a joke for you now.

I know, but here the book spoke about how people never let go of these pains . . . and each trauma they described was in my experience somewhere . . . I sorta have done them all and then some.

yes, but what the book said is how people never let go and move on.

yes, and here I am feeling all these things like they happened yesterday. . .

however, do you regret them? Would you wish to change any of them? Do you feel anger and seek revenge or to redo them?

No, I love who I am and what I did. I praise God for all these WEIRD WILD things i did and do each day. . . . I laugh in pride even, wondering how I could even keep up with it all. . . I know I'll never go there again, just as I know I can feel and see others who slip into those things, and try to help people who do.

yes, and you never go back feeling sorry for yourself, regretting or living the pain and victim roles again. You did what you had to do and moved on. . . no big deal. Countless people got trapped in each event you saw. . . . even now today you still encounter things that people get lost in and suffer over for generations. . . while you simply pass over them like another thought or dream you pass in the night. . . Like what did you do today?

Kathy stopped in after church to bring me some lunch... she told me about the gossip in the church, never realized it was there. . . I told her other things to look for that would surprise her, then we took Bear for a walk down to the River . . . .

What did you see feel and talk about. . .

I took her down the same way we always go . . . so soon I was telling her where Lyn sat and how Ciera and I played in the water looking for fish and finding all kinds of things. . . sharing a love none had seen before. . .

What you realized was again how people get lost in their own traumas. . . all you have to share is bliss and love, nothing you did was for control or greed, you simple Be and expressed the Love and Joy of the moment. Others will see what they want there and make it all into something that it is not. Sure you can love and help Ciera, as you can with any child . . . . you gave her all you could for that moment. And it's gone now . . . that moment is still perfect in bliss and love . . . . it will never change. It will always be there in your Heart and in Hers. . . . let the lost world in greed and control make it something else or imagine it was less or more . . . Who cares! What was real for you both will always be real for you both. . . she might be back next time as your daughter or your lover or maybe simply to thank you for the memory you shared. . .

I know . . . so I don't need to regret or feel sorrow for what could have been or should have been. . .

What it was, is all it was supposed to be . . . a child and father sharing the love and truth of the moment, nothing more, nothing less. It might be the only time for the child, but you will never stop having experiences like that. . . You have no fear of loss or no need to control or dominate another. . . there is none of these worldly ego issues in you. . . . what flying off a motorcycle at 110mph gets out of you is really remarkable!

I guess so . . . so i leave another experience as all it was and go on to love and share the next however it is meant to happen. . . yes I'm ready, nothing can surprise me and I can still do anything . . . lol . . . I'm not going anywhere else! just here to BE with YOU ... Let Your Will Be Done Dear Jesus!!!
I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!

The Four Insights

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I finished the Part I of this book talking about the Assemblage Point and connecting to Our Higher Selves. . . is this all about connecting to YOU?

What do you think? Of course it is. That's why so much of your readings are old news. People all want control, that's the culture, that's the snake trying to survive. While you were the King Cobra from the start . . . smashed your body into the ground at the age of 16 with the motorcycle accident. You were so strong and so dominant that it took a motorcycle doing 110mph to send you into the flight of the Eagle . . . without a helmet. . . before you would even listen to us. . . . Then another two years before you started anything. . .

You remember Maryanne, why was she enough for you? Why should Lyn be any different? Do you think age will ever catch you? These little visions of delight are fragments of the truth that awaits you. You are free at peace again . . . do not waste time wanting, seeking, searching . . . . no one, nothing out there anywhere will give you anything more than you already have. You know we are always here for you. No one can tell you anything new, or offer you more than you will attain. Sure it's fun to learn a new clearing technique. But in the Cave where we all gather for you; you can clear us all in an instant. What use is it to share this, the Cave is already standing room only, how many more do you need to invite?

I'm not sure what you are getting at? Am i not supposed to read this book?

What the books brings you is wonderful, all books will make the connections clear and strong for you. Remember here at the Eagle perceptions are all perfect, each fits, they all connect. . . Just like when you played King Cobra, the whole culture and conception of greed and control shifted up to new levels. No one even locked doors back then, let alone considered alarms for public schools. They had troubles getting people to go to schools, why would they ever consider locking kids out after hours. . . . while now they struggle to lock kids in!!!

I'm still not sure where this is going?

What you did was get back into school to complete what you started. You already know what's at the end of this journey. You don't need to search for conclusions or struggle for understandings . . . it's all there already waiting for you to DO. Every moment you act from the Eagle you make it easier for everyone. . . . you will always see those around you grow and succeed. You Are this giant Magnet that brings so much power into creation. Why bother with it. If those around you get lost in the success, LET THEM, you don't need such shallow people close to you anyway. If they grow and love, they will be anxious to sit near you in the Cave. The three you are connected to in the center will know and invite others as you need. Nothing will be lost . . . all return to source sooner or later . . . and then you can direct and express their fulfillment anyway you like. . . nothing is ever lost. . . round and round it returns to you, over and over again!

I'm still kinda lost?

What you are doing is allowing the Eagle to soar. You have no fear. You carry no expectations. You know all things come, and let them fall as they may. Like remember the tape of Lyn at the picnic . . . you didn't recognize who was there, nor did you know who spoke. Even as you heard the tape and saw the pictures; simply BEing LOVE! It's so easy for you! There was more there for the birds and the bees than anything people could know or understand . . . of course no one knows what happened. . . it wasn't there for people. Soaring is about the trip, not the destination. . . Stop trying to understand or rationalize. Trust IT. If you are inspired to write or share . . . PRAISE GOD, and enjoy it. . . if others respond and join you . . . PRAISE GOD, and enjoy it. . . if they do not . . . PRAISE GOD, and enjoy it. . . everything is perfect as You Be Love . . . PRAISE GOD, and enjoy it. . .

I know. . . lol . . . I guess it's always really cool. I mean whenever I hear or read about people experiencing God first hand, and feeling a moment with You . . . I just want to laugh. Like when I taught Kathy F. how to write and Journal like this . . . it was like a new world opening up for her and she could feel all the Angels around her . . . . we fun, big deal, opening new worlds every day gets kinda boring after a while. . . Sure everyday is a blissful experience and it's cool to chirp with Osprey and Share Your Bliss . . . But you know I'm still a Man on Earth. . . . Oh I can't ask for anything more. . . . lol . . . got enough to do already. . . Like Part II in this book!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.
Thanks For BEing with me, Amen!

Listening to kids helps us connect with them spiritually. -- Beliefnet.com

Listening to kids helps us connect with them spiritually. -- Beliefnet.com: "Listening Enhances the Spirit
Listening can be one of the easiest and yet most profound things we do as parents. It doesn't take any special equipment, degrees, muscles, or credit cards. It's not difficult to weave authentic listening throughout our busy everyday routines, and the benefits, both for us and our kids, are lasting.

When we listen, we bring forth and hold the sacredness of our children. We are reminded to stay in the moment, give from our hearts, go beyond self-imposed limitations, and open ourselves to a more expansive universe. Listening lets our kids know they are valued and gives us treasured insight into their very being. The vital decision to listen can dissolve any distance between us and our kids.

"

MONASTIC SKETE---notes from the hermitage: Merton"s Famous Prayer

"Merton's Famous Prayer

My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really understand myself.

And the fact that I think I am following

Your will does not mean I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

Does in fact please you.

And I hope I have the desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the

right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though I may

seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear for you are ever with me and

you will never leave me to face my troubles alone.


Thomas Merton"

new book

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I found another better way to prop up my laptop. . . lol . . . laying flat on my back with a book in my lap, and this laptop to my right . . . I never learned to type so one hand is as good as two . . . course too much typing creates this tension I feel all over. Yea feels almost like "tennis elbow" or someone keeps hitting the funny bone there . . .

What are you reading?

It started talking about our energy centers - - chakras - - I always knew there were more than 7 but couldn't remember from where or what the others were. So now reading short descriptions is so cool. I could feel each one and imagine it spinning really fast clearing off crap I've collected. They were all dusty, I haven't Chanted in a few days, I still wake up at 3am, but it's weird to only do the right half of it. . . I know the full moon is coming again. . . oh its on Christopher's birthday! Or the day before. i WILL REALLY BE CHANTING then!

I can feel the energy change as I spin the chakras, each one feeling a bit different. All are refreshing of course.

Dear Eric, Here is your horoscope for Saturday, April 28:
Ah, the sweet smell of success! There's nothing like it -- except for the well-earned leisure that happens after all that effort. So put your feet up. You've achieved a lot. Now sit back and bask in your work.

I really need to laugh now as the very next section in the book is a little exercise to clear the chakras using your hands. You start with turning the Reiki on in your hands and then from prayer pose you spin your hands counter-clockwise over each chakra. Course each chakra spins clockwise so you are "backwashing" them all. Then you start them spinning again clockwise.

Course with my broken wing i can't really do the prayer pose even. So i read onto the next exercise with the "assembladge point" in our "luminous Energy Field" . . . WOW, I did this in my imagination as i read it and it's like I'm doing the Chant again . . . pushing energy all around . . . . lol . . . my favorite thing to do anyway . . . like i need to move any more . . . lol . . .

What did you FEEL ?

It feels really perfect, like right on the money. So then I searched a bit and read this other blog (commented 3 times on it) about connections . . . lol . . . always looking for more confirmations . . . as if anyone will ever read them. . . . lol. . . guess i need more rest time; nothing i do can get out yet. . .

Oh so i'm feeling blissed out again, when i first found this book on amazon I looked at their website to find they were coming to Tampa, and invited them to Scire to share as much as I can. . . as usual . . . so i can reply to share some more. . . lol . . . maybe even offer to make videos...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

get tagged?

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What are ya doing....

I ordered a bunch more books from Amazon. Course the to-read pile next to my bed is back. I got the new shelves in there full already. And I know I need to just read. I got a sun-burn now, from sitting out side too much. Actually I showered and instead of struggling one-handed with a towel I went outside to dry in the sun-- big mistake!!!

So any way I had this really powerful dream last night. I was visiting or living with someone who was called out on some real important trip to visit some Native Indian Shaman. After returning we started going through all these artifacts we needed for some special ritual. Course then I got out my collection of leather, feathers, tools and all to find we had matching pieces. Not only did things fit together but some pieces I had were suddenly usable in context with these new pieces. It was really weird, like a time warp kinda thing.

Course when I awoke the images were still very real and present so I stayed there continuing in the vision/dreams as if that was more real than my sore arm and all...

What else?

I thought I had all this free time to work on the feathers and all, but then realized I need both hands. It really feels like I messed up my elbow too. I mean sprained wrist and broken collarbone shouldn't completely stop me from moving my whole arm . . . but it has. Also I noticed when I walk too much I start to limp or wobble with something hurting on the left hip too. I'm not one to taking drugs but when I awake all sore and any moving hurts. . . I just grab the pills. Yesterday I took one in the morning, but forgot to bring anymore with me, so halfway through the day I was aching again.

Yea I went to watch the Bike Rack presentation in Dr. Henley's class, got the police report and made copies to fax to the insurance companies... lol... sitting and standing too much! Came home and went to bed before 4pm.

What else?

I started another book about the Inca Shaman and traditions. It's kinda cool to see the same things written over and over again in different ways. Here it is the serpent, jaguar, hummingbird and eagle --- referring to the four levels of perception and existence: the body, mind, soul and spirit. I've only read about the serpent, purely physical stuck down on the earth always in survival mode focused on the solid and tangible only. . . no thanks, course it helps to AVOID CARS while biking especially. . . lol . . .

Course when I laugh about it and enjoy the free time and peace again . . . lol . . . I'm seeing it from the higher Eagle perspective again . . . I wish I could just EAT SNAKES instead of trying anything else . . . lol . . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

rest rest rest. . . lol. . .

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What's up?

I seem to have too much to do again. . . I'm trying to relax since if i do too much i get really sore and tired. Yesterday the IBA team came by and picked me up to go to meet Mike at CGM. I only said a few words at the whole thing, and literally started to fall asleep. We might have been there for an hour, tops. They brought me home after it and don't expect me at the presentation today. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet . . . . Kathy brought me lunch yesterday, and did the dishes. Then I ordered pizza after our meeting. . .

What else are you feeling?

Interesting enough i still feel someone at night. She's not as clear and aggressive, but more seemed to drop in to chat. At first I was like "shut-up and leave me alone;" but then we chatted anyway... oh I know...

Inner Voice
If you have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. When you open your eyes, it is truth opening his eyes. When you close your eyes, it is truth who is closing its eyes.

This is a tremendous meditation. If you can simply understand the device, you don't have to do anything; whatever you are doing is being done by truth. You are walking, it is truth; you are sleeping, it is truth resting; you are speaking, it is truth speaking; you are silent, it is truth that is silent.

This is one of the most simple meditation techniques. Slowly, slowly everything settles by this simple formula, and then there is no need for the technique. When you are cured, you throw away the meditation, you throw away the medicine. Then you live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words, or better to say a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.

It's all about this time I share with you. . . I never have any trouble coming back to this peace.

Not any more, since you've learned chants and rituals to bring this out all the time. Also you have been able to keep it with you. Remember your article about losing the ego and getting into Presence. . . you've had a few dramatic impacts that blew all the ego out of you. Others haven't been so lucky. But you wanted the truth, not the power and control that so many others blindly seek.

I know so many people follow the greed and selfishness of their ego like little lost puppies. It's not their fault they do not know any better. Our whole culture promotes it. . . which really means they are all following some one else's lie never listening to the real truth deep within...

Love and the law of Moses
Let your gestures be alive, spontaneous. Let your own awareness decide your lifestyle, life pattern. Don't allow anybody else to decide it. That is a sin, to allow anybody else to decide it.

Why is it a sin?--because you will never be in it. It will remain superficial, it will be hypocrisy. Don't ask anybody how to pray. Let the moment decide, let the moment be decisive, and the truth of the moment should be your prayer. And once you allow the truth of the moment to possess you, you will start growing and you will know tremendous beauties of prayer. You have entered on the path.

I get knocked over with how powerful this truth is, lol. . . feels like the only outlet for half the universe?

TUT... A Note from the Universe
I do believe it should comfort you to know, Eric, that whenever you face a fork in the road of life, no matter which path you choose, I'll be there in all my glory.

(Probably moon walking, with a long, feather boa trailing in the breeze...)

You can't go wrong -
The Universe

Worry not, Eric. If your friends can't see me now, in all this spandex, they won't see me then.

Dear Eric, Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, April 25:
Even the most dynamic signs need to spend time recuperating, including you. Go ahead and tell your dear ones that you need some moments alone. Then indulge in whatever leisure activity gets your motor running.

I knew I couldn't sleep tonight. Spent 2 hours with Shawn, really cool stuff, traded papers. Went to the ER and got a REAL doctors note. Got a handicapped parking permit. Then Judge threw out the careless driving ticket, lol... sat with my neighbor 30 minutes in traffic court . . . OUCH!!! Made it back to watch our class presentation, and get john's stuff set. I can't be typing too long either without aching. I got up every few minutes. Kathy called and invited me to dinner...

Real dinner, chicken, salad, beans, corn-on-cob. . . she told me how her disability was because she never rested after back surgery. Told me how I better rest or it would be months instead of weeks getting better. . . leading to more complications later... then we relaxed & watched a movie

Why are you up then?

I know, chant time, night night . . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. . . . . . GINNY IS GETTING BETTER TOO. . . . THANK You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.THANK You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

lol... just the right side. . . right vortex? lol..

workaholics vs LIFE

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

The Rebel
People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism, a charisma that can take out alive, young people from the traditional imprisonment. ...

The enlightened man cannot be enslaved - that is the difficulty - and he cannot be imprisoned. . . . Every genius who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery; they are in misery, but they are accustomed to the misery. And anybody who is not miserable looks like a stranger.

The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organization confines him, no community, no society, no nation.

I love this, it's so funny to see the opposites in one email... lol .. .. I am the stranger to everyone, while they are all TRAPPED:

Whenever people become very greedy they become very hurried, and go on finding more ways to gain more speed. They are continuously on the run because they think that life is running out. These are the people who say, "Time is money."

Time is money? Money is very limited; time is unlimited. Time is not money, time is eternity--it has always been there and will always be there. And you have always been here and you will always be here.

So drop greed, and don't be bothered about the result. Sometimes it happens that because of your impatience, you miss many things.

I will tell you an ancient Hindu parable...

A great saint, Narada, was going to paradise. He used to travel between paradise and earth. He functioned like a postman between that world and this world; he was a bridge.

He came across an ancient sage, very old, sitting under a tree and repeating his mantra. He had been repeating that mantra for many years and many lives. Narada asked him, "Would you like to ask about something? Would you like some message to be given to the Lord?"

The old man opened his eyes and said, "Just you inquire about one thing: how much longer do I have to wait? How long? Tell him it is too much. For many lives I have been doing this mantra, now how long am I expected to do it? I am tired of it. I am bored with it."

Just by the side of the ancient sage underneath another tree was a young man with an ektara, a one-stringed instrument, playing it and dancing. Narada asked him jokingly, "Would you also like to inquire about how long it will take for your enlightenment to happen?" But the young man did not even bother to answer. He continued his dance.

Narada asked again, "I am going to the Lord. Have you some message?" But the young man laughed and continued to dance.

When Narada came back after a few days he told the old man, "God said that you will have to wait at least three lives more." The old man became so angry that he threw down his beads. He was almost ready to hit Narada! And he said, "This is nonsense! I have been waiting and waiting and I have been doing all kinds of austerities- -chanting, fasting, all forms of rituals. I have fulfilled all the requirements. Three lives--this is unjust!"

The young man was still dancing under his tree, very joyously. Narada was afraid, but still he went and told him, "Although you did not ask, out of my own curiosity I inquired. When God said that that old man would have to wait three lives, I inquired about the young man nearby, dancing and playing his ektara. And he said, 'That young man--he will have to wait as many lives as there are leaves on the tree under which he is dancing.'"

And the young man started dancing even faster and he said, "Just as many leaves as are on this tree? then it is not very far, then I have already arrived!--just think how many trees there are on the whole earth. Compare! So it is very close. Thank you, sir, that you inquired."

He started dancing again. And the story says that the young man became instantly enlightened, that very moment.

May each day find you safe,healthy and your Heart content.

I guess that's why I meet so many different people. I can help anyone. . . everyone. Oh but I still want to fall in Love!

The joy of love is possible only if you have known the joy of being alone, because then only do you have something to share. Otherwise, two beggars meeting each other, clinging to each other, cannot be blissful. They will create misery for each other because each will be hoping, and hoping in vain, that "The other is going to fulfill me." The other is hoping the same. They cannot fulfill each other. They are both blind; they cannot help each other.

I have heard about a hunter who got lost in the jungle. For three days he could not find anybody to ask for the way out, and he was becoming more and more panicky--three days of no food and three days of constant fear of wild animals. For three days he was not able to sleep; he was sitting awake on some tree, afraid he may be attacked. There were snakes, there were lions, there were wild animals.

On the fourth day early in the morning, he saw a man sitting under a tree. You can imagine his joy. He rushed, he hugged the man, and he said, "What joy!" And the other man hugged him, and both were immensely happy. Then they asked each other, "Why are you so ecstatic?"

The first said, "I was lost and I was waiting to meet somebody." And the other said, "I am also lost and I am waiting to meet somebody. But if we are both lost then the ecstasy is just foolish. So now we will be lost together!"

That's what happens: you are lonely, the other is lonely--now you meet. First the honeymoon: that ecstasy that you have met the other, now you will not be lonely anymore. But within three days, or if you are intelligent enough, then within three hours... it depends on how intelligent you are. If you are stupid, then it will take a longer time because one does not learn; otherwise the intelligent person can immediately see after three minutes: "What are we trying to do? It is not going to happen. The other is as lonely as I am. Now we will be living together--two lonelinesses together. Two wounds together cannot help each other to be healed."

We are part of each other--no man is an island. We belong to an invisible but infinite continent. Boundless is our existence. But those experiences happen only to people who are self-actualizing, who are in such tremendous love with themselves that they can close their eyes and be alone and be utterly blissful.

Yes I can find love any time I want. Yesterday as I wondered outside too sit in the sun again. I noticed four or five Osprey spinning around this one tree in the woods. I've seen this one nest with more chicks nearly every year. I always wondered where they all went, since I knew it was the same birds back again year after year. So this time to see some other birds. They looked like they might be building a new nest back in the woods. That was so cool to see.

Loving every moment of course. . . lol . . .

TUT... A Note from the Universe
There's so much time in a day, Eric. You could have breakfast, lunch and dinner on 3 different continents. You could outline the book you're going to write, start the screenplay adaptation, and watch "Gone With The Wind," before the sun even sets. Spend a day at work, and still have 16 hours left over. Or you could just think 10,000 different thoughts as you tool all over Tampa. Hey, the record for climbing Mt. Everest is under 9 hours, leaving 15 to nap and go Yeti searching.

There's so much time in a day, Eric. So much.

You're rich,
The Universe


Especially, Eric, when one stops claiming there's so little of it, huh?

I know I have all the time in the world. . . nothing to do but sit and relax. . . the calm before the storm. It's funny to be getting younger all the time. I always laugh about theses things. Every few years I get to relax, whether I want to or not. It is not any big deal or anything. Some times its easier, sometimes not.

a workaholic hides from life by consuming himself/herself with work. He/she clings to work as a lifeline, fearing to venture out into their own private worlds.

Workaholic vs life = = = I remember when I worked all the time. Paying the bills, keeping the house and all working for my kids and all. Then I got 10 months paid time-off from the county. Sweet people. . . lol. . . I started consulting more and went back to school doing STARS projects. That's when I got the MAC network installed in the kids Day Care Center. Of course my kids LOVED school, finding their dad there to help out.

I actually had another time doing nothing but relaxing & dreaming . . . meditating . . . When my mom died. Lost the county job finally, lost my lover, two cats and two turtles all in January 1999. Chill time!!! Hum just as the new millennium started. Figures!!! So what''s starting new now? Not sure if that happened again or not. . .

What you asked for was LOVE again. It is not anything new for you, but just someone to share it with. Love is you, and to BE with someone is all you want. Most people never allow you to just BE who you are. Once in a while it flows so easily it's awesome. Course the last time that happened it was too much for her!

I don't understand that. How can LOVE ever be too much?

The Rebel post above explains it. The Free Power of your Love can not be controlled. People get lost in you, they loose control. Often their only safety has been in their control. Having no control creates tremendous fear. Often people will be terrified and not even know why. Like in the last example she does not even remember a lot of the things you did and shared. That's why she refuses to read what you wrote, why face the truth, it's easier and safer to hide in ignorance = in ego

I can not understand why anyone would hide from LOVE?

What YOU ARE AND KNOW IS LOVE. Others like to pretend. They control it and place it in a little box. Like "love" is from home or for family . . . this is another lie of the ego. "Love" is some verb, some action they regulate for certain events and people. That's why your Free Being LOVE is too much for them. You got a taste, it was perfect as it was. It makes your desires clear and strong. But for others in fear or in ego (same thing) their whole world shakes as the ego looses control. Remember the whole culture and society is based on greed and control. All the ego can do is fight anything that is not ego. Even the ego's love of money and love of control is not real love, it's an addiction. It's a drug, asking someone selfish in ego to let go and love is like giving a heroin attic a filled syringe and expecting him to only use it as a tooth pick never taking it in. dream on!!!

oh great so I'll be searching all the time. . .

What do you mean, searching, you'll be LOVING all the time. Whether others lie or hide is really not your concern. You ARE LOVE as is all existence, so you will always connect to deep real parts of people. Everyone has this inside of them, just as each new baby dreams of finding you. The love and truth are there, they all just need to burn up all that has buried it from the culture of corruption. That's why you find peace and freedom so easily. . . what you can share and BE is needed by everyone. . . just wait until you hold another baby, they are coming out stronger and clearer all the time. . . you'll see . . .

I know, but big deal. I'm here alone again. . .

What? you are never alone, how many people do you think have families of wild Osprey chirping at them. They all know you and understand you better than most people you speak with. And this is a love that lasts forever....

I know, but it's not the Yin & Yang that the Earth cries for. . . all in time, and I'm not going anywhere fast so... lol...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Expert Tarot Daily Reflection

Your Question: what does eric need to learn from this accident? Name: Name your reading. Apr 21, 2007 Your Spread Daily Lesson Challenges/ Opportunities Situation Advice Near Future Your Interpretations Situation: Four of Swords © Tarot.com POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING Turn aside from contemporary concerns. Guard and protect that peace that naturally resides in the depths of your soul. The card that lands in the Situation position refers to the circumstances you find yourself in with regard to your concern. When the Four of Swords appears in this position, you are blissfully removed from the conflicts of the day. You now have the freedom to wash your hands of current controversies. Your present mission, regardless of what others are up to, is to enter your inner sanctum and meditate, drawing energy from your inner guides. In your private sanctuary, you can communicate with those who have inspired you with their accomplishments and improve yourself with the aid of their example. Delve deeply into your inner life and be responsible for guarding that treasure of inspiration and hope. Protect and nurture your interior haven of peace. Challenges/ Opportunities: Five of Coins © Tarot.com POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING Stay conscious of your deepest values and most cherished long term goals. The card in the Challenges/Opportunities position reflects how you can use creativity to turn a crisis or challenge into an opportunity. The Five of Coins in this position challenges you to stay in balance even while feeling aroused by powerful new magnetic forces of change. No matter how exhilarated you might be feeling, remain attuned to the standards and goals that have always been important to you. Promises you make or which are made to you at this time must be congruent with your goals or else there is sure to be conflict in the future. Note: In the English decks, like the Rider-Waite, the sickly poor freezing outside a well-lit church warn of the painful outcomes of bad choices, rather than focusing on the dynamic tension of the choosing itself, as in the traditional Continental decks. Advice: Page of Wands © Tarot.com POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING Quietly gather information that will help you direct a situation to unity. The card in the Advice position suggests a course of action which will harmonize what you want with what is currently possible. This card is traditionally entitled a Page, but in some modern decks as a Princess. In this position, this card suggests that you cannot know how to facilitate communication until you have studied your environment. Your task may be to blend into your surroundings so you can gather information and get a clear sense of what is going on around you. Think of yourself as a secret agent for the greater good. In due time, others may recognize the role you play in the transformation from divisiveness to unity. However, right now you are being asked to watch quietly from the sidelines. Daily Lesson: Knight of Cups © Tarot.com POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING You cannot resolve the situation until you heal the problem within. The card in the Lesson position represents the personal investment or sacrifice required to derive full benefit from your current situation. The Knight of Cups (in some decks, a Prince) in this position requires that you outgrow the win/lose paradigm of competitive Western civilization. Replace self-righteous aggressiveness with humility and generosity. When you are tempted to misuse your power, lay down your weaponry instead, and offer up a cup of peace. This Prince has been in the battlefield too long, yet he has finally come to understand there is a better way. First, he had to come to peace within himself, before his cup of peace could heal rifts between others. Drink from that cup, and then begin to serve it to those around you who are still fighting. Near Future: King of Wands © Tarot.com POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING Be prepared for an upcoming decisive moment. Know your will so you will be ready to implement it. The card in the Near Future position indicates which way the wind is blowing with regard to your situation. If you follow the Advice card, however, you can improve on or neutralize tendencies. When the King of Wands appears in this position, an imminent leadership opportunity requires psychological and emotional self-knowledge on your part. Try to think like a wise warrior in this situation, and be ready for an all-out effort to attain your goals. Many of us have negative or mixed programming about success, achievement, striving and competition. Don't let those mixed emotions keep you from rising to your true potential--even when the openings you have prayed for finally appear. Circumstances may soon require that you show your hand and defend your position without hesitation. Act from a place of leadership and dynamic action, not introspection. Use your strength of will to make a decision. Don't equivocate. Kathy loves doing these things... this is the 2nd or 3rd times she's done one for me. Oh i never posted the one about Lyn it was much too graphic and specific... scared us both!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Oh well so be it

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Dear Eric,
Your life has profound meaning and a purpose -- even if you're not sure what it is yet. Part of the reason you are here this time around is to learn and accept your mission. And when you do, little miracles will start to happen that help you manifest your Heart's Desires. So, take the initiative and get clarity about your life purpose as soon as you can ...

I guess I was lucky, dead at 16 forced me to get serious about this really early. It's kinda funny now sitting in peace and silence again. . . sorta stiff and sore, like I was back then too. I didn't want to come back and I was really kinda pissed when they sent me back . . . It was a major change I did; thou hundreds have done similar since then. I always winder how many things I break the tides on. Being first and leading is all so boring so much. There's never anyone waiting there to say good job, glad you made it. . .

TUT... A Note from the Universe
Of all your lives, Eric, do you know which ones you'll look back on with the fondest memories, the most pride, and widest grin?

The ones where in spite of challenges, no matter how daunting, difficult or even painful, you pressed on.

Like a Cheshire cat -
The Universe

What do you see and hear now?

I know little faint whispers. Its so funny how everything is afraid of me . . . but I attract all this energy that whoever gets close to me are swarmed up into. I never see anything, but some times brief little shadows. Like I know things are increasing and getting stronger since I see more and more of them. I always remember that I agreed to come back ONLY if I stayed here and never got mixed up in all the angels , spirits and all . . . so they all know their toast if I see them . . . lol . . . Course I know the Chant pulls them all back into Source too; best place for them all anyway!

Will and Trinity told me about all the spirits around too, after the last Chant they attended here with Mike. I wish we did it all again too.

When we allow our inner wisdom to manage our actions, we are less likely to be overruled by our emotions. Though certain situations will bring out our more emotional side, we do have the choice whether to be reactive or to allow our higher self to take control and temper our actions. Shift your attention by visualizing your inner wisdom stepping to the forefront and influencing your actions.

By making a subtle internal shift, we can engage our inner wisdom and allow it to lead us through any conflict or conversation. Our inner wisdom is calm, insightful, compassionate, and open-minded, and allowing it to guide our mind-set will help us express those qualities. Invite your inner wisdom to influence your thoughts and actions today, and you will be proactive rather than reactive in your interactions.

I feel some times that I should do this or should be doing that . . . then I also know nothing changes until I push it. I hate pushing people or anything. Some times I feel like if they miss the boat, so be it . . . then I think it's my job to pick those who need to survive . . . ugh, but then they ignore me and SMASH; tried to warn you, oh well. . . .

What do you see now?

I flashed back to the college bar scene. When I first got here it was like a twilight zone, a time-warp thing. I knew it was all up to me. Like CC's had the cutest owner, and she always would tease me but let me do whatever I wanted in her club. Then she opened Miki's too and was making too much money. Suddenly she got all arrogant into ego crap. And she got rude to me. I knew her clubs were really a dive, but each night I came in I'd get the whole place dancing in seconds. So fine smart ass bitch get rude and arrogant . . . know it all fool!

I stopped going there. Not even a month later they were closed or at least empty. Happened with Sydney's; Robokonti's and some other places too. That's what I meant Sunday when I left Harmony . . . wondering how long it would last. Maybe a month, maybe two. I know Mike's workshops had the most attendees ever, oh except for Virato's which was almost 50 people. But I actually sponsored Virato instead of just showing up. I saw that with the MBA program and the Nursing College too. Course I always wanted to check the stats on NJ and FL but it really is meaningless to me. John told me how his journal boomed when I started, so I told him the NJ-FL thing. I'm not sure if he really believed me but he certainly has done everything he could to keep me working for him. . .

What else do you feel?

I guess I really feel sorry for poor Ciera. Like a little pawn or tag along with no one really there for just her. I'm sure she's better off than thousands of kids. But the moment she was in my arms the peace & comfort was such a big relief for both of us. We knew we were at home again safe. She's come through to me a lot too and I've written volumes about her . . . course no one has read it! Or at least the one person who needs to read it is too lost in herself. Which really only means she'll get more lost.

What does that feel like?

I can lead a horse to water but I can not make her drink. . . Christopher said that all the time about Emily too. But then I realized how everything else around them and their whole world convinces them the opposite of whatever I say. They all get attacked and trapped in lies and deceptions. I try I get people to understand the Power of Your Name, but they just miss it. . .

What do you mean by that?

I know I can Chant "I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ" over and over for an hour and still have little voices trying to play Your Part

What do you do then?

I guess it's about getting focused and clear on the truth from my heart. Anything can say your name in my head . . . and often they'll go on and on big and bold, telling me what I want to hear rationalizing all the perverted psycho-dramas I want to live in my life. However, when I chant the power of Your Name and feel it deep down in my heart . . . then there is peace and silence with only One small whisper explaining the challenges before me to face. It's always easier to listen and follow the lost ego into greed and deception. And the power and control we find there will be (seem to be) outwardly rewarding and fulfilling . . . but only externally and superficially... Then people get lost in the "future crap" oh it'll get better some day . . . sure.

If it's not true in bliss now, it is NOT!

What, you are not always full in bliss?

I certainly have my challenges, but I'm always at peace with it. Even with the loss of Ciera and Emily. I know I gave them each a candle they will always remember and find in their hearts. That might be all for me, but I did all I can and I can stand tall in the truth with that . . . even if the horse dies of thirst before me. I'm at peace and comfort ready to help dig the grave if need be.

What do you really feel about this?

I know things are changing fast. It almost feels like I was pushing for the end too soon . . . so the Universe needed to step on the brakes and slow me down a bit . . . lol . . . guess that only means little psycho things for people will crash and burn faster that ever . . . Oh well so be it!
I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Grace in Gratitude!!!!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What's up now???

I'm like totally blissed out again. . . can't sleep again too. . . I've been sitting around doing NOTHING! wow... freedom, peace... Been out in the sun alot. I set some chairs way out on the edge of my property, looking at all the trees I planted, wow never realized how many. . . my own private woods. Then watching the squirrels play and the birds chirp. Even a Redheaded wood pecker yesterday!!! Bear has been sitting with me, dug a hole in the cold sand to sit in. Then he jumps up whenever I call to the Osprey. They look like the are starting flight training for the new chicks...

It was funny one even flew out here over me. I mean the nest is like a half mile away. I can still hear them, and I know they recognize me, can likely hear me whisper even. Then I yelled at a mocking bird for chasing a squirrel, lol . . . .

What are you feeling?

Oh I'm just so grateful. I think about things and look and dream... and it's like the calm before the storm again. . . I try to get things set so it's not just me riding the waves. lol. . . but that's ok, leadership is always lonely . . . lol . . . Though dozens of people have called and I've even gotten a get well card already . . .

Oh so I got this gratitude notice again and sent it to a few lists. . . . I wrote a little blurb at the beginning really for my high school class. . . I think they are planning another reunion . . . guess silence and peace gets me to think about other times I sat in peace. Like the months after my motorcycle accident where I just sat around and watched. . .

Oh there are some daisies or something growing next to the fence and it's full of these honey bees. Like hundreds going over the same flowers again and again. I can see their little pollen sacks so I know they are making honey somewhere. . . it made me wonder if all the bees disappearing from other places is because of the storms that are coming. . . Course then I've seen a few lady bugs and remembered how every season Emily would get them all over her arms picking them up as they swarmed around our house. Dave across the street wanted her to bring them over to his garden too . . . I remember he never could understand why they swarmed . . . all around the front door too, so she would take them into the bushes so the door wouldn't smash any . . .

What else do you feel?

I really just feel at ease . . . lol, as long as I'm still not moving my left side . . . lol . . . . it's like a big weight has come off me again . . . no problems anymore. All my classes are about done. . . just a paper to write or rewrite . . . Then john said the new PhD program is all set to start in the fall. I've thought how I got 2 bs, and 2 ms . . . maybe get a 3 ms and 4 phd's lol... or 2 2 and 3 . . . dual this and tri that . . . lol . . . funny Michelle doesn't sound so sure about her Phd again . . . it's funny how I influence people so easily. . . with out even trying.

Oh and then when I TRY to share and help someone, they get all caught up in fear and ego and miss the whole point entirely . . . that's sad. but I guess I can't help everyone, some times its better people hurt and suffer on their own, , , Like Dr Ryce said people only come when they are ready.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. . . thank you dear Jesus, for Always Being with me! Amen

Gratitude FOR YOU!!! yes u 2... lol...

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

Kathy dropped in yesterday. It was really wonderful . . . she had so much joy and peace helping me out. She said how much I helped her and her mom this year that this was like a gift for her to do everything for me now. So she did the dishes and cleaned up everything. Then made us lunch and went shopping and got us some dinner too.

She said her mom was doing a LOT better. I said it would be years before she left, and Kathy believes me now. It was really so cute, she wouldn't let me do anything... even yelling at me when i tried . . . . like saying how my bones weren't even set yet and any pain meant i was messing it up more and i better sit or it would get worse. . .

What did you feel?

I never realized how much the shoulder is connected to things, even moving my foot i feel it in my shoulder. Like it's used for balance and everything. Even now if i type too much or too fast, OUCH it hurts!!!

What are you feeling thou???

I was laughing yesterday, Kathy was saying how my mom was with her so she was loving it too. I told it was weird seeing someone else in my kitchen, like once we had all my family over for Christmas and in the middle of it all my mom came into the kitchen . . . "does colleen do ANYTHING in this house?" . . . of course not, but I never noticed it before. Then Kathy just laughed saying how honored she was to really help me after all i did with her mom . . .

Oh then the insurance company called. It was funny, like trying to hold the phone and talk and write and find things . . . I was like totally dumbfounded. . . finally i asked if she could talk to my Aunt Kathy. Kathy just loved it, they were chatting like old buddies in a second . . . Wow and to hear what she was feeling, Kathy just told the Adjuster everything. . . about her mom and how I couldn't do anything at all. She wanted them to get me a CNA since i've not even been able to shower . . . I still have the same shirt on, that the Dr put back on me in the Hospital. . . The Fireman almost cut it off me. . . lol

But to hear Kathy explaining all this stuff to the adjuster was just so wonderful . . . I mean i help people all the time and never realize what it really means to them . . . so to hear her explaining to someone else was such a gift. . .

What are you feeling???

I'm totally thrilled, filled with grace and gratitude for everything. . . Course john from work already called to ask about helping . . . as have Mike from the CGM team... Mike Ryce even sent me a prayer . . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ . . . thanks so much for sharing this love with me... or allowing me to love everyone with You!!! Amen

Zest2Zeal : Message: You are a Master of Gratitude, NOW - YOU ARE THE MASTER KEY

Zest2Zeal : Message: You are a Master of Gratitude, NOW - YOU ARE THE MASTER KEY: "Congratulations!

You are a Master of Gratitude,
embodying the key that opens all doors of possibility!

Has it really been 42 days? Yes, Yes, YES!

Amazingly, over the course of the past 42 days, through
direct attention, collective connection, and divine intention
you created a world wide wave of Gratitude!

Prepare for the ride of your life! Whohooooooo!

You see, by nature of your participation, you are positioned
to ride this world wide wave of Gratitude. By being connected
to a large group consciously focused on using the divine tool
of Gratitude, the powers of manifestation are amplified,
a connection to the creator within is present, and our
collective consciousness is swimming in this source force energy.

Simply amazing!

Through your commitment to creating a world wide wave of
Gratitude, we are now forming the tides of change that will form
the foundation of future generations living a life of
Love and Gratitude. Imagine the possibilities...

Now ..."

Dear Eric, Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, April 18:
Your heart feels like you're missing a key piece of the puzzle, but your brain insists it's all systems go. What to do? Well, listen to your heart, first of all. Remember that feelings are a form of evidence, too.

Dear Eric, The New Moon in Aries this week reminds us to look at ourselves first. The focus is on YOU right now, and Aries' energy urges you to get a fresh perspective on yourself ... to reassess your unique gifts and potential.

Today's Outlook for Wednesday April 18, 2007
The Sun moves toward trining Pluto early tomorrow and we can feel the harmonious alignment of our intentions with our deeply rooted emotional power. Our passions drive us to accomplish more than we normally can, but this isn't about running around and doing many things. It's about making something dramatic happen, but without the drama. Positive changes can improve our lives, yet the Moon in stubborn Taurus possibly frustrates the process.

Eric's Personal Card: Strength
General Meaning: What has traditionally been known as the Strength card represents Nature which, however wild in its primal form, is tamed by our subtler, finer (feminine, interior) self. The will and passion of our instinctive nature does not need to be broken, but refined and brought to consciousness -- so that all levels of Creation, inner and outer, may come into harmony.

The feminine soul-force contains a persuasive power that can nurture and induce cooperation from others, stilling disruptive energies by harmonizing differences in the spirit of collective good will.

I know i know... lol...

Dear Eric, Here is your couple's love horoscope for Wednesday, April 18:
Your intensely romantic energy will sweep sweetie off of his or her feet if they're not careful. It's a great time to spend together; take care of each other and enjoy the other's company.

I tried to tell her, but she always knows better . . . . lol . . . ego i know... its not her fault...

Dear Eric, Here is your single's love horoscope for Wednesday, April 18:
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! The applause-o-meter should be maxing out for you and around you right about now, if the stars have their say. You're hot and everybody knows it.

Yea big deal, somethings never change...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Accidents happen... lol... thanx

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

TUT... A Note from the Universe
Expecting and preparing for their very best behavior - in terms of respect, love, kindness, and wing-a-ding-dong - guarantees nothing, Eric. But it does maximize your chances of getting it.

And if you don't insist that such behavior come from a specific person, my hands will be free to find you what you prepared for, or better.

Wing-a-ding-dong,
The Universe

I KNOW, I get it . . . no more, can not hope, plan, expect, or dream of anyone any more, Not my place, I can offer and be there but no more waiting, the Whole Universe needs it NOW! More Flight training will at least get results

Today's Outlook for Tuesday April 17, 2007
A forceful Aries New Moon at 7:36 am EDT prompts us to initiate action, yet the energy quickly shifts when the Moon enters practical Taurus at 12:11 pm. We can best use this time to project ahead a couple of weeks to the Full Moon on May 2 and visualize what we would like to bring to fruition. A magical quintile between Taurus' key planet Venus and taskmaster Saturn can help us fulfill our desires as long as we are willing to take responsibility.

I know I have some important things to focus on . . . shit what a bitch, can't you just tell me!

Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 Eric's Personal Card: The Lovers
General Meaning: Although it has taken on a strictly romantic revision of meaning in some modern decks, traditionally the Lovers card of Tarot reflected the challenges of choosing a partner. At a crossroads, one cannot take both paths. The images on this card in different decks have varied more than most, because we have had so many ways of looking at sex and relationships across cultures and centuries.

Classically, the energy of this card reminded us of the real challenges posed by romantic relationships, with the protagonist often shown in the act of making an either-or choice. To partake of a higher ideal often requires sacrificing the lesser option. The path of pleasure eventually leads to distraction from spiritual growth. The gratification of the personality eventually gives way to a call from spirit as the soul matures.

Modern decks tend to portray the feeling of romantic love with this card, showing Adam and Eve at the gates of Eden when everything was still perfect. This interpretation portrays humanity before the Fall, and can be thought to imply a different sort of choice -- the choice of evolution over perfection, or the choice of personal growth through relationship -- instead of a fantasy where everything falls into place perfectly and is taken care of without effort.

Fast Facts About The Lovers
Theme: Integrate two potential realities or let go of one of them.
Astro Association: Gemini
Element: Air
Number: 6
Alias: Love

I know, read and study no choice now... gee thanks

What happened?

I got to bike into school again. Wow the Osprey were really noisy. Mom and dad were there, they even flew off over me. It was really sooo cool . . . filled me up with so much love and joy...

What's next . . . get to it Son. . .

I know, so it was nice outside too, a little chilly which made the ride great. As I came into campus, following the crowd of cars before the light changed at Fowler. Then I saw this lady come up to the exit of the info/parking thingy, and she stopped at the stop sign just as I got there . . . good, but then she didn't . . . oh great, a Florida pause, not a full stop... and SMASH...

And I go flying over her hood... ouch. It hurt this time, I'm not moving... Cops, fire trucks, then an ambulance taking me to UCH. Great... An few hours later I'm walking out of the emergency room... No bike, but I'm still early for my complexity meeting, already missed the Urban Design director . . . but this is right across the street even . . . and Dr. Nord can drive me back too . . .

As I started to walk over I get all dizzy, uh oh. The Cops gave me a card to get my bike back. So I called them, they came and got me back to the police station . . . they couldn't do any thing more. They were short staffed and after the 33 dead in Virginia. . . . they called me a cab.

What about the 33?

When I was in the ER waiting room I heard CNN going on and on about some shooting in a University. . .

What did you feel?

It's busting apart already. It felt like I did it. I tried to ignore it and pray away all my aches. . . the more I heard the more I hurt... the fucking noise from the TV was pulsating through me as they interviewed witnesses. It felt like it happened seconds earlier, I almost wanted to see if it was at 9am like my accident too. . . thou I felt like throwing my cell phone to smash the stupid box too . . . OUCH!!

What NEXT?

I found out it happened yesterday. Then found out I had a broken collar bone? Wow, never broke a bone before. Course they put my arm back into a sling and told me how to check out. Nothing more they can do, got to go see a some orthopedic specialist. . . Oh fuck!

Then I asked to see the x-rays . . . I had almost gotten up and walked away with my bike, so specialist and surgery, forget it. Then the doctor showed me how the bone was broken. It looked like shit all out of place and all . . . Oh great. Yes see the Specialist immediately!

What next?

I got home and sat out in the Sun, chanting "I love you lord Jesus, Thank you lord Jesus" again and again, for hours. . . as the sun set I got into bed. Spoke to Kathy a few times, she was out of town with another death in her family too . . . Nana died yesterday too. Good thing I didn't call her from UCF for a ride home. They asked who to list for an emergency contact and I had forgotten about Kathy, so I told them to list no one. . .

Suddenly I was hurting in bed, couldn't find an easy position. Kathy asked me about pain pills and at the ER they wanted to give me an IV with morphine . . . NO WAY! But then I was hurting so I went through all the forms they gave me and found a prescription for something. Course all dizzy again just walking over to the kitchen.

I better go get this prescription . . . 6:30pm. I know, call Michelle at work. No answer. Called Kathy, she planned to stay another day, but wanted to come get me anyway . . . no no don't worry. Hum, who else can I call to help me out???? Lyn's picking up Ciera now, naa she only gave me 5 words after I spent 2 hours crafting an email for her, she's leaving town again anyway. . . Oh Keith! Great he was here in 15 minutes, what 20 years of friendship will do. Course he knew my phone number, birth date, address and all for the pharmacist too . . . lol. . . I could have stayed home.

He tells me his only broken bone was the collar bone in high school when he got smashed in football just as he was throwing a pass. Figures! Course he remembers all the gory details. 3 months of intense pain, like lots of drugs... a year sleeping on one side, and 5 years before it was all gone . . . He couldn't believe I had no drugs. . . .

Then Michelle called. Thanks I'm all all set! "Wow, nasty bone to break, we wont see you for a while" . . . oh great, everyone knows about this but me! So I asked if she wanted to play roomie, give her Emily's room if she could help me out . . . "Live with a man???" she says .... or never mind! lol ... Wrote her an email asking her to help with something anyway. I need to tell her how to do some stuff in the office anyway.

What did that feel like?

I felt I should have at least called Lyn. I told her she should move in too, sleep where ever she liked. I knew Ciera would love it, then Lyn could have some help, and me too where we could actually get to know each other. . . get serious about divine tasks . . . all I asked her yesterday what she was afraid of . . . "nothing past is gone" yea sure, but then you only live it over and over again. . .

What did we start with here already about her? You need to get busy and not wait for someone. It was as real for her as it was for you. Not many can give up this world of plenty, everyone thinks they know better. Synchronizations, Divinity or not! You've already given up 6 months, 24 days and 6 hours on her . . . that's hundreds and thousands of trees and animals GONE! You warned her about getting attacked and told her Ciera would be too . . . you can't protect her, Let it go, people learn better through their own suffering, that's what it's there for.

I can't stand that! Like at lunch with her Monday the Med school research Dean sat at the table behind her. Fern from the Bike Rack Venture Funding team sat at the table to my right (looked like the SIFE Club i need to ask him about), and then the Marshall Center CFO sat behind me!!!

What you know about making things happen and changing the world is Your Power! Stop trying to rationalize Lyn's influence. Your love is powered up all the time. Let her go. In no time you'll be set again. The Earth needs this now. . . if you wait until hurricane season there will be millions dead not just 33

I hate when you get into my face with this stuff

Do you like broken bones better?

I know ok fine, no more... just reading and writing. I can't go anywhere anyhow. . .

What you need to do is get on the phone again. You can walk people through things online and get every thing moving from bed. . . Nothing can stop you, and waiting to make it perfect yin/yang just means there is less Earth to save. Turn on the news things are breaking up everywhere, you need to get busy. . .

I know the radio tells me too , Erin O'Donnell on Cnradio.net

It's 2 am, the ticking in the hall is keeping time
The clock is counting down to morning's light
Too many times I've crossed the line
And put my faith aside
And the regret I feel won't let me sleep tonight

I need to get to bed... nit nite

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

PhD time

8:52 AM Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

I woke up at 2:11am to chant... and finished at 4:04am. WOW! So much power and focus, clear and strong. I only half slept again, turning over to see really cool numbers the rest of the night. Like a whole new world opened up to me again. OK, it's really nothing new at all. But it certainly was a lot more and a lot clearer than ever. All sorts of pieces fit together in a new way. Different pieces, players and such all together in new better ways than I have seen before. Wow! It's kinda cool . . .

There is a New Moon in Aries in your mysterious twelfth house on Tuesday, eric. This gives you two weeks in which to use affirmations or visualizations to program your subconscious mind to bring you the results you desire. If there is something you want to achieve or attract, this is your golden opportunity to do so. But you need to keep up your work of impressing the subconscious mind every day to get the desired effect. Another great piece of news is that Saturn will turn direct on Thursday, which brings some relief to your situation at home. You may have felt you were batting against a tide that never let up. But from later this week onward, life will gradually take a new turn and you may find it easier to take the right kind of action or to resolve matters more efficiently. The Sun trines Pluto on Thursday, which could bring insights into your joint financial situation as well as some ideas about how to transform your experience around this issue. Mercury in your twelfth house reveals that you are more connected to your instincts. But on Saturday, you may find yourself wondering whether to take a risk or be very cautious.

I'm really in for it again I just know it.

I have been sorta frustrated with a few things. Like Harmony got my Sunday morning Chant meditation into the bulletin only twice? Gee wiz . . . 6 months helping out and that was the best they could do. Course I did chant with Mike 2 or three times which was really cool . . . (gave him a book about it too). Said how each gets only what they are ready for. Then I had a lot of other really powerful encounters with people, one or two at a time. But DJ got all up-tight about the videos and then got something else scheduled during my quiet Sunday mornings . . . Course dropped the Chant from the Bulletin by then anyway. . .

Sure I get the hint!

Like what could she be afraid of. This morning I went in again by 9am. I was surprised about all the cars there, but remembered the other class they started, which was also promoted while my only students asked me or found it themselves. I got a few things ready and found that they were doing no more videos. Last week I set up her camera on my tripod . . . made sure it was all done right, but not much more, no even a "thank you" anymore . . .

I waited around until after 10am when my morning Chant meditation was supposed to end. Felt how doing it all live on the web could get $100/ subscriptions and getting Dave's extra PC could do live switching on three cameras too. Funny I gave Mike the only offering I got after one of his workshops . . . lol . . . Then I thought to share it with Rev Sheila and ask to get a good word into DJ who still refuses to do it with me . . . . ??

I felt the tension in the place and really was not interested in being there anymore. Grabbed my sign and such and left. Pam was driving in when I left. I thought of asking her to chant with me again too, but using the energy to win at a casino is not what I want to associate with anyway.

What are you complaining about?

I guess I just needed to get it all out of my system. I finished The Power of Now again. I read part of it before and after finishing A New Earth decided to read it all over again. Oh that's it; again about being present and not getting caught up in the ego, or other people's ego's . . . lol . . . Funny I thought of asking DJ what she was afraid of and then thought about all the women gossiping there. I really started at church again to find a woman anyway, and so tomorrow I see Lyn and Kathy. I guess that's the cream of the crop from there, so why bother trying to do more for them . . . lol . . . wonder how long it will last.

Oh it was really raining hard this morning too, so I guess it was really important to get that all out of my system; got a good clearing . . . ahhh . . . Not my problem anymore.

What else then?

I know next week will be a trip. Yesterday I did the presentation in Venture Funding on my Bike Rack and they really drilled me with questions. I was pissed that the video didn't work right . . . but in the end half the class wanted to invest in my business themselves anyway. I was just happy to get it all done, and was really disappointed with the report and such which I had to duck-tape together at the last minute. The class and teacher loved it all, so that's done.

That was last week. . . What else?

Oh at the symposium I got to speak to a few people about research and such. John said they were going over it all with the Dean on Tuesday, so he suggested I wait until then. Course that's when I see Shawn and I should also see Maya, figures, all this talk about Chants and I'm speaking to her about a PhD . . . lol . . .

What else did you FEEL?

I was thinking about lunch on Monday and getting an outline together about everything. I mean changing the world is fun, if you know what you are doing. Having a helping hand can make it all the better too. She said she would go over the engineering business thing, but I guess I'm more interested in everything else. Course that was tailored more for her anyway, but things change all the time.

What would you like to see change?

I know I need to get serious about this again as I noticed from the first email I had posted above.

Dear Eric, Here is your horoscope Sunday, April 15:
Ideas are flowing now and if you've got somebody equally inspired to bounce 'em off, even better. A group of inspirational people might be the best kind of fun -- the more hearts and minds, the merrier.

Course then I get another one now. I need to stop thinking about these things. . . Or I guess they are only affirming what I think anyway. Yea mind-map time I guess . . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Sustainable Symposium II

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Awareness comes through sensitivity. You have to be more sensitive whatsoever you do, so that even a trivial thing like tea... Can you find anything more trivial than tea? Can you find anything more ordinary than tea? No, you cannot--and Zen monks and masters have raised this most ordinary thing into the most extraordinary. They have bridged "this" and "that"... as if tea and God have become one.

Unless tea becomes divine you will not be divine, because the least has to be raised to the most, the ordinary has to be raised to the extraordinary, the earth has to be made heaven. They have to be bridged, no gap should be left.

I've been getting more insights along these lines. Nothing really new, but recognizing how real and true it is. So I continue to honor those I meet and share with, even when I wonder why I bother. I still only watch and wonder, occasionally I'll step out, but usually not very far, and most often just to respond to an invitation. . . met some interesting people at the Symposium yesterday . . . heard a lot too. We'll see..

When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.

If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made.

One of Gautam Buddha's most significant contributions to the spiritual life of humankind was to insist to his disciples, "Be a light unto yourself." Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.

I've been here for a while too. It's neat to shine onto another too... Hum, thou I know my power and ability is waiting to come forth... no rush I guess, all things will BE!

Sex holds great secrets in it, and the first secret is--if you meditate you will see it--that joy comes because sex disappears. And whenever you are in that moment of joy, time also disappears-- if you meditate on it--the mind also disappears. And these are the qualities of meditation.

Meditation must have entered into life through sex, because this is the most meditative phenomenon-- if you understand it, if you go deep into it, if you just don't use it like a drug. Then slowly, slowly, as more understanding grows, the hankering disappears, and one day comes of great freedom when sex no longer haunts you. Then one is quiet, silent, utterly oneself. The need for the other has disappeared. One can still make love if one chooses to, but there is no need. Then it will be a kind of sharing.

When two lovers are in deep sexual orgasm, they melt into each other; then the woman is no longer the woman, the man is no longer the man. They become just like the circle of yin and yang, reaching into each other, meeting in each other, melting, their own identities forgotten. That's why love is so beautiful. This state is called mudra; this state of deep, orgasmic intercourse is called mudra. And the final state of orgasm with the whole is called Mahamudra, the great orgasm.

Orgasm is a state where your body no longer is felt as matter; it vibrates like energy, electricity. It vibrates so deeply, from the very foundation, that you completely forget that it is a material thing. It becomes an electric phenomenon-- and it is an electric phenomenon. Now physicists say that there is no matter, that all matter is only appearance; deep down, that which exists is elec-tricity, not matter. In orgasm, you come to this deepest layer of your body where matter no longer exists, just energy waves; you become a dancing energy, vibrating. No more any boundaries to you--pulsating, but no longer substantial. And your beloved also pulsates.

And by and by, if the partners love each other and they surrender to each other, they surrender to this moment of pulsation, of vibration, of being energy, and they are not scared.... Because it is death-like when the body loses boundaries, when the body becomes like a vaporous thing, when the body evaporates substantially and only energy is left, a very subtle rhythm, but you find yourself as if you are not. Only in deep love can one move into it.

Love is like death: you die as far as your material image is concerned, you die as far as you think you are a body; you die as a body and you evolve as energy, vital energy. And when the wife and the husband, or the lovers, or the partners, start vibrating in a rhythm, their heartbeats and their bodies come together, it becomes a harmony--then orgasm happens, then they are no longer two. That is the symbol of yin and yang: yin moving into yang, yang moving into yin; man moving into the woman, the woman moving into the man. Now they are a circle and they vibrate together, they pulsate together. Their hearts are no longer separate, their beats are no longer separate; they have become a melody, a harmony.

It is the greatest music possible; all other musics are just faint things compared to it, shadow things compared to it. This vibration of two as one is orgasm. When the same thing happens, not with another person, but with the whole existence, then it is Mahamudra, then it is the great orgasm.

I don't think anyone knows anything about this anymore. It reminds me of my first Tantra class... Knowing, feeling and seeing that I did it all already. Never knew that what I did could be named. Like the Chant, everyone seems to recognize aspects of it . . . but I wonder whether I'll ever find someone to really share it with!!!

Our compassion is heightened by the watery Pisces Moon. We may have to face an unexpected emotional situation when the Moon conjuncts surprising Uranus at 3:33 pm EDT. We are tempted to impulsively engage an argument, instead of sitting in passive contemplation. No matter what we say, though, something may not feel right with rationalizing Mercury forming a tense semisquare with diffusive Neptune. We must move beyond language for lasting solutions.

I woke up at 3:33am again last night. I mean half asleep and I roll over to see these numbers on the clock. WOW! I jump right up! I have to. . . it's like I don't have any choice about it at all any more. I don't do anything else for the Earth so strongly. Like with the partner moving into bliss as described above . . . sure it's easy and fun, but I know the Earth needs this power and focus. That is not real anywhere any more . . . I can't imagine no one does it, but some times it feels that way!

Eric's Personal Card: The Empress This Deck: Crowley
General Meaning: Traditionally entitled "Empress," this major arcana or "trump" card portrays the energy of the Great Mother. She is Nature, around us but also within us, the ever-unfolding Source of life-giving power. She is often pictured as a pre-Christian Goddess, as the one whom the High Priestess is channeling down to earth for the rest of us.

In medieval Europe, the Empress card was painted to represent whatever Queen currently ruled the land, probably to satisfy the Inquisitors. But the scholars of the Renaissance and beyond had no doubt of her true identity, although she could not be fully revealed on Tarot cards as the "woman clothed with the sun" until after the French Revolution.

This supreme archetype of femininity also symbolizes fertility. It is She who provides us nourishment and security. She is also sometimes seen as delighting us with flowers and fruit. A potentially terrifying aspect of this archetype manifests itself whenever karmic mood swings wipe out our plans, like a storm that has come upon us. Whatever happens, the Empress is the Source of our Embodiment and of Natural Law. She might even be called "the Great Recycler."

Yesterday in a group meeting working on our presentation. One of the married ladies noticed I had my sandals on. . . "look at those sexy feet... most men have beaten up ugly feet..." I started laughing . . . each week they tease me about being single and talk about how sweet and kind I am wanting to take me home... Eeek!!! sometimes I wish I could get rude and just ravage some women... lol... Course being a Lover, even if I tied her up and carried her off to my cave ... I'ld then brush her hair and tenderly lick her wounds... lol...

Eric's Daily Number: 3
Your creativity continues to manifest in every area of your life today. A sense of excitement permeates your daily routine, and at times you may lack focus. Clear communication is important today.

I better get busy... I can read through all this stuff as I eat breakfast .. .. .. but I know this will be a busy day.

Dear Eric, Here is your single's love horoscope for Saturday, April 14:
You've got serious vision now -- the capacity to see things not only as they are, but all the rich potential involved as well. Expand your horizons. You'll find new scenes and new people that might just blow your mind.

yea I know, somethings never change... ho hum... lol...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

GRATITUDE

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

It's really getting stronger too.

What did you find now?

I found another bird as I was riding my bike home last night. I knew it was there for me, so I was wondering what I would do with it as I turned around on my bike. Can't just put it in the back of my truck till i get home like usual . . . As I got off my bike, there before me was an empty bag, like made perfect for the poor bird. A sea gull this time. I wasn't sure what happened to him, once again it was fresh and clean waiting for me. Then I remembered the third chant I did with Mike and his Team. I found two blue jays as I prepared for their arrival. And then knocked over the basket of bones before they came. So I need to get serious about making something I guess.

What did you feel?

I feel sorta sorry for the poor bird. But I know how wonderful it is to have these gifts. I know it is really important to get serious about this too. Last night I woke up at 3:33am and chanted until 4am . . . just a quickie, lol. . . But the night before I awoke at 3:31am for a few hours. I know these things are just building and building . . . like my Daily tarot Card: who me "completes the circuit between heaven and Earth" lol . . .(link above)

Today's Outlook for Thursday April 12, 2007
We may not even attempt to get our individual needs met as the Aquarian Moon inclines us to intellectualize our feelings. Although we may be less emotionally present now, we are also empowered when we accept the role we play in the community, at the workplace or in the world. In support of this detachment, the Moon opposes stern Saturn at 3:29 pm EDT. But it conjoins dissolving Neptune at 9:16 pm, reminding us that we are more connected than we think.

Eric's Daily Number: 1
Exercise leadership today, and don't hesitate to push your ideas and agenda forward. Others will look to you for direction. You're also likely to meet someone new. Today is a day of progress if you don't let fear get in the way.

I've been reading another book for my paper. It's getting down to the wire on this. Several things that John, Kathy and Keith gave me are going to be a great help. So I need to get busy. . .

What do you FEEL?

I am happy and grateful. . . Loving You Jesus! All the same names in my life . . . J, K, K, J . . . lol. . . everything I see and feel is always reinforcing and inspiring for me . . . it's really kinda weird sometimes . . . like maybe I can spend a few days making feathers . . . that might be kinda cool!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ, thank You for filling my life with your Wisdom and Peace! Amen,

SPELLING GRATITUDE

challenge: write Gratitude 100 times .

hint: write ' Gratitude 100 times ' .

challenge: spell Gratitude in one motion

hint: draw above symbol

Gratitude is as complex as a Symbol

or as simple as remembering

to quickly think

outside the box.

***

Go Gratitude!

***

think this one thru: 9 letters or one - you choose.

time is of the essence.

***

get this:

the Word Gratitude has Nine Letters

Nine is a number of Completion

(note Nine in above Symbol)

our ability to express Gratitude has just taken a quantum leap,

joining all races, nations and tongues.

Now everyone can spell Gratitude easily!!!

write on...

***

10:35:32 AM

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

10:35:32 AM

She called again on Sunday to reschedule for 2-3pm. I got there a bit after 2pm after I had lunch and shopped at Wild Oats. I called into her as I got there and asked if she needed boxes, of course, and I had grabbed some. She soon came to the door to let me in and I stopped her before the little hug and kiss and she wouldn’t let me do anything more with her at the door, not here she said. Didn't like the office thing again, ok, whatever!

We were soon up in her office going through all sorts of things. I soon stopped her again to feel her out. She still wouldn’t let me kiss her or catch her Ohm or anything? I was kinda surprised, but wasn’t really sure what to think.

We worked and moved around the space like old friends. Like the trust and energy between us was very secure and safe. Almost like a married couple who had always been together and understood and worked at great ease. We worked and chatted for 3 hours or so. Her "best buddy" called from CA, hadn't heard from her in months? It was kinda cute listening to her chat on the phone. Except I almost thought they were lovers . . . But then she said how Heather knew about me, and said hello... sweet...???? Wonder what she knows?

I got her started on her PC doing something while I watched and rubbed down her back (she said "wow personal masseuse, where were you trained?")... then I braided her hair... French braid, to keep from getting bored... lol... Haven't done that in years either... lol.... I brushed it out, since it was kinda sloppy. She didn’t say a word.

Finally we took boxes down to her car and she was ready to leave, racing off to get her daughter, and more chaos to deal with. I was holding onto her again and asked about "our relationship"... I said how she had called me a friend in one email which was a first and the most yet.

Yes friends, that's it for now, nothing more. Can't deal with it, need to get her new job set and still resolving custody crap . . . no kiss, nothing more. I asked her about connecting to me at night; like “last night?” and she said she hadn’t done that for a while.

That really doesn’t feel right to me now. Oh friends? Does she normally let friends braid her hair, cuddle and all .... Maybe this is NOT for me??? Of course then she called me as I wrote this all out for Kathy ... see the blog, and laugh ... I give up. No expectation is right; can't see anything now, simply tired of it too!

Course more happened last night again, as I sent in this note to Kathy afterwards.

Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:58:57 -0700 (PDT)

From: "Eric"

Subject: hi...

To: "Kathy Curry"

Ok I couldn't help myself...

Lyn told me she would take me to lunch if I helped her clean out her office... After I left there... all PISSED OFF... I sent a note as you saw...

When I got home today I realized I couldn't meet for lunch at all this week and I had better tell her ... courtesy call at the very least....

So now she called me back.... Sweet as ever over the phone! Very polite and intelligent wanting to plan a lunch for next week at a place halfway between us....

I'm seeing her on Tuesday now. Everything is done today with her old job, no idea where she went yet... but we'll see... no expectations... lol...

Take care

God Bless

eric

Of course now I remember another meeting I have on Tuesday, so I will have to reschedule again anyway. I really feel kinda lost again! It’s funny how while we were in the office doing stuff we were like kin. Very close, comfortable, nothing new, seemingly exactly like we had always been; except when I asked for a kiss and told her to breathe into me. Nope, no way???

Last night when we chatted again, her first question was about an email “It might be better to do dinner with another PC repair?” where she thought I was telling her to hire someone else for another “PC Repair.” I was only suggesting we meet at dinner time since lunch wasn’t happening -- also we could fix her other PC at the same time too. Interesting she was concerned about getting blown off . . . sounds like the fear she has from her ex. Oh yes, I’m sure that’s been the story of her life. Whenever she gets close and becomes a “girlfriend” the guy had his trophy and no longer respects her. I’ve heard a lot about how men only want to get the object. Conquer the challenge and then there is nothing else of interest. So the girl becomes a wall-flower or leaves him.

I guess I’ve got to undo what Man and society has done to Women from the beginning of time now, like I’ve got nothing better to do. I keep feeling her doing so much with me. I tried not to think of her at all after the Sunday “only friends” crap . . . which was nearly impossible. I took down all her pictures around here again, and focused on other stuff. But then last night after her phone call the feeling of us doing so much together really shifted. I know she’ll like the deal I sent her for Bruce and I to put together.

But then I also started feeling her doing all these other deals. I know I can get the people and such to make it all work, but I’m just no good and closing the deal. As I dozed off last night I was feeling how she could easily get all of these together. Course meeting Tuesday after I see Shawn will mean that I’m totally pumped up again ready to do anything.

Now I realize I have the Complexity Group until 1:30pm so I’ll miss lunch with her then. Weird stuff. This is all really weird for me. I wonder sometimes how I can possibly keep up with it all. Funny, I still get Lyn dropping in here and there to check me out. She’s still not convinced that I’m safe yet. That’s really funny for me to think about. Like she thought I was stalking her the next day after we worked Sunday, asking if I dropped by her office. She decided it was the florist, but that seems a little weird to me still.

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone was stalking her; especially if she normally lets people rub her back and braid her hair . . . . I guess girlfriends will do that with each other all the time. Like I know Emily had teachers and everyone playing with her hair. Crazy shit that’s for sure . . . why doesn’t someone come up and play with my hair? Lol...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

What Ego

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Just like the natural environment around us, workers are suffering from energy drain and depletion. They’re losing vital life force.

Recent studies and statistics showing elevated levels of worker depression, ill-health, and stress aside, all you have to do is listen closely in a gathering of practitioners to know that a lot of them are:

Dissatisfied Disengaged Defecting…in droves They might not be able to pinpoint or articulate what’s going on for them, but these people know that their work-life connection is definitely out of sync.

Work-life balance is indeed a huge issue. The real problems lie in defining what life balance is and attaining it.

I know all this is ego shit still. . . I've been reading and working a lot, not writing as much as usual. I woke up at 1am again and had a really powerful ritual. It's funny how I get annoyed waking up and try to stay in bed. If I don't fall asleep I end up looking at the clock again and finally get up when the numbers are lined up telling me to!

It's funny how much I avoid it. But then when I start it's so powerful and intense I just don't want to stop. Like last night I grabbed the drum first and really beat on it for a long time. It's really funny how much I feel and I still flash into things with people, thou I've tried not to focus there too much.

What Ego

Ego is a social phenomenon-- it is society, it is not you. But it gives you a function in the society, a place in the hierarchy of the society. And if you remain satisfied with it, you will miss the whole opportunity of finding the real self.

Have you ever noticed that all types of miseries enter through the ego? It cannot make you blissful; it can only make you miserable. Ego is hell. Whenever you suffer, just try to watch and analyze, and you will find, somewhere the ego is the cause of it.

Never fight with greed, ego, anger, jealousy, hatred --you cannot kill them, you cannot crush them, you cannot fight with them. All that you can do is just be aware of them--and the moment you are aware, they are gone. In the light, the darkness simply disappears.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

this is getting too weird again!

12:05 PM Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

"Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging. " ~ Joseph Campbell

I know I know... always more and more to deal with. I'm not sure I'm so keen on surprises anymore. Sure never expect anything, but some semblance of order or regularity or even something reasonable would be nice for a change . . . or at least only happy surprises!!!

SPIRALING IDEAS

energy flows in waves

following fractals to pattern order in chaos.

ideas channel in this same manner,

prompting receiver to translate, record, organize, and share

inspired time.

at times, a vortex forms

~ too powerful for a physical body to orderly process ~

causing energetic outbursts, friction

and chaotic happynings.

by drawing Gratitude, a physical opening is created

for this abundance of energy to flow.

1. grab a writing instrument.

2. doodle gratitude

3. continue to doodle thru Gratitude

til a feeling of order presides.

remember ~ follow this simple process

to direct creative energies thru physical channels

into viable endeavors.

I always process everything through a vortex. Waves of energy form chaos in me all the time, then I simply go into Ritual and blow through a vortex that sends this energy out. Hurricane Season is always fun... lol.... Then spinning Charkas and moving the energy through a spinning orbit makes the vortex so powerful. I create too much all the time and I need to be more careful. I seem to get caught up into the spin myself sometimes . . . chaos and complexity and all these forms which I seem to practically facilitate.

And I know I facilitate a lot of other things here that I never even understand. And quite frankly if this is going to continue we need to get more realistic and stable. I'm not into floating about all the time and simply am getting sick of it not being reasonable and stable so often.

What about creating more for you then?

I'm not sure I could handle any more. I've been pushing and demanding more of the end to this chaos. If you are so thrilled about all that I've created and pushed out there, then why not make it done! At least if you really want me to make these changes I need to get something more than another task to do. Sure helping out is fine, and at least only the pure and sensible come along to ask me for help . . . At least I've been lucky enough to only encounter people worth helping and sharing with.

Except for one thing . . . remember I'm here on this rock doing things that no one else can do. Being all that I am is getting tedious and boring! Meeting others needs and desires is easy and fun sometimes, but what of my own? I'm still human... lol... I think?

What you need to do is get very clear about what you want and make it happen. You've asked very specifically only a few times and you are usually surprised at what happens. If you want more . . . then ask and accept! Don't be surprised how it comes through to you or expect anything, but simply be ready for everything!

I could go on with this really for days. Like driving home last night, sorta perplexed and surprised again, I saw a big sign with one of my numbers on it... sure winning a $33 million lotto would be neat. . . not that I ever worry or concern myself with money. Someone earlier asked me how I manage . . . she didn't seem to believe me when I said I simple wing it and take what comes . . . So I finally admitted I reduced my expenses to a few thousand a month. Course that reduction was more because I don't want anything more . . . I mean this world of trash and greed and materialism is simply revolting to me some times. I really don't need or want anything more from it. Like even if I were a millionaire I would still want to bike to school every day and have all my windows open instead of having the AC running all the time.

So now I get another email... yes just this very moment:

Dear Eric, Here is your horoscope for Monday, April 9:
Getting yourself all worked up over the way something appears won't help, especially when it comes to relationship matters. Why not wait until all the information is in before you decide what you should do?

I'm kinda getting tired of these things . . . I've been posting horoscopes like reading from a bible. Since when does any of this stuff mean anything to me. Course it's usually right on the money! But SO is every song I hear on the radio... like now... Lookin' At You (Lookin' At Me) by Nichole Nordeman

I'm lookin' at you, lookin' at me
Lookin' for love that comes with a guarantee
What if I knew all that I need
Is held in a hand that'll always offer me this love

And then my phone rings??? Now at 1:33pm, FIGURES!!! "Have you been by my office this morning?"

What?

I said the exact same thing. I've been in class from 9am till 12 noon. So my first feeling, or thought was that the florist was looking to find her. Oh she got the flowers, thanks; all the ladies in the office loved them . . . the story of my life! Everywhere I go all the ladies love it, thrilled and all, except the one I'm interested in . . . . lol . . . that's getting old too.

What would you rather have?

I want it all done now! I don't want to look anymore, I don't want to search anymore. I'm thrilled to have the solutions for everything . . . BUT WHAT THE FUCK if it never amounts to anything??? No one listens, no one understands, they all make the same mistakes over and over again lost in the ego!

What would you prefer?

I set out to solve things. So that's been done. I mean I can't find a book or a teacher who will tell me anything new. I certainly love all I do, see and find, since reinforcement is nice and finding confirmations is always good . . . but certainly they are all convinced I can't add anything to their work . . . lol . . . while each one who chants with me will have a spiritual experience. Funny, I don't recall anything anywhere that people could do to create an immediate spiritual experience, every single time! Oh I guess a gun to the head will do it for you too . . . lol . . . while each of us have found our own little ways to make our connections strong. However, the Chant will bring it to ANYONE, ANYWHERE, at ANYTIME!!!!

What's the point?

I guess that's exactly what I am asking! Like Mike's 300 movie, I can tell people how the same things happen HERE and NOW, and even what is really happening to them, even tell them what I see in their own backyard, and in our own children . . . then I create this very real power and moving experience where the truth is so real they can feel it . . . literally!

What are you getting at?

I don't have a clue! I did all this for what? If no one learns or listens unless they get burned by their own selfishness and materialism what's the point in learning and solving anything? Funny I know how easily I can teach the truth to children, just like in 300 where they brainwashed children into war. . . while I simple share the truth they already have inside. Maybe I should be a monk in some church school somewhere . . . at least then the conscious connection will be searched out and respected, instead of just taken for granted and ignored.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

7:52:17 AM

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

I was way pumped up and buzzing all night again. The Rituals went on for hours too, a few times full of passion and sensations vivid with images and feelings of someone very close to me. It was almost like a routine, normal and natural as we have hundreds of times . . . which left me feeling her staying with me more than ever.

I still feel her with me now though not as intimate, more like just sharing my space with another. It feels very comfortable and natural and as I write now about it I noticed Ciera too. Lyn is likely getting ready to rush around with Ciera again. They always feel like they are doing and doing instead of just being and loving together.

That’s really cool to feel now, as I remember with my children it was always being present in the moment and loving it as it was. I mean even when I would put them to work . . . we would BE with it and go through it together. That feels right and wholesome. It also feels like what Lyn and Ciera need from me and is exactly what we will have and share.

I keep reading so much, as I continue to prepare to rewrite my paper. It feels like it will be shifting a great deal, but that’s ok I guess.

Of course I’m full of anticipation to see Lyn alone again. That is likely why I’ve been reading so much, so that I would be distracted with other feeling and thoughts instead of staying focused on her. It’s only 8:53:18 AM and I’m ready to leave for church. I know I really have 10 or 20 minutes to wait or I’m too early, but I really want to get there and get done so I can run off to see Lyn.

I keep feeling her leaning over to kiss me hello on the cheek and stopping her to check her out a bit more. It’s really been a long time since we were close and we’ve still not spent very much time alone where we were free and unrushed. We’ve had lunch and such, but it’s always a rush, things to do, places to be and not just free. It’s nothing like just sitting and relaxing alone. I know that will change soon. I know because she called me to help her after 2 months. I know because of what we have shared. I know she had to clear a lot out and she just never thought another man would fit in so well.

I know it is really a dream and fantasy that we both have been sharing for months and years. And it’s really something that we are ready for, which means we’ll really be flying into another world soon. Not so much changing but really so much more coming out and expressing. The love and joy or the universe will flow through us like never before. It’s like the wind or the waves, so easy and peaceful . . . I can just feel it already!

Thank you loving Lord Jesus Christ!!! Amen.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Change is coming!!!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Today's Outlook for Saturday April 07, 2007
The cavalier Sagittarius Moon encourages us to overlook details, especially when the facts suggest that a reality check would be in order. This optimistic Moon increases the positive energy of the Grand Trine that continues to build tomorrow, helping us to feel more confident today. Although we may err on the side of enthusiasm, pragmatic Saturn is one of the planets in this action-packed grand trine, preventing us from inflating our hopes too much.

I'm totally buzzing again. I wish I could have ridden my bike into school today. I saw the Osprey out as I drove by. I think she's been there all along, but just sitting deep down in the nest on the eggs so I couldn't see her. I love how they hear me calling to them and start chirping it is really just soooo cool!!!

But I have to go get something when I leave here so I had to drive in.

BALANCE

give too receive
receive too give
balancing Gratitude equally
in favor of collective
abundance .

giving presents an opportunity to be open to all
sources for offering a justly-tailored trade.

receiving allows us to gracefully conduct exchange
in order to accept what is presently offered
for mutual benefit.

I get all these messages in my email that really help me to chill out a bit. I mean I get too pumped up with energy that I can't stay focused on things I want to do. Oh I'm wanting again . . . lol . . . or maybe "need to do" . . . naa, it's all cool and fun. I just love what I do. Like today I've got to finish the budget proposal and all for the Bike Rack business. Course saying that makes me feel how I could just start it all and sell it out in no time at all.

Then Dr. Jermier wants to get the grants together this summer and he's not finding anything that he can apply for. I was thinking about the projects with Allison and Dr. Nord; knowing how we could get a grant to work on that really easily. I could even just ask Kathy to do it and it would be all done. Having them all involved would make it faster and easier than ever and I could do it into STARS to avoid all the headaches here at USF. It would really be fun in fact.

What do you feel with this all?

I guess it all feels fun and easy . . . hum, I feel this next note already... No Expectations!!!

Dear Eric, Here is your couple's love horoscope for Saturday, April 7:
You need to let your sweetheart set the tone and lay down the ground rules today. If you stray too far from the plan, you'll stir up a hornet's nest of problems.

I need to just allow things to happen. I've been so in touch with so much power and focus it's really crazy . . . and I've not been able to keep up with it some times. Now when I think about things I do, whenever I flow and let go, it flies beyond reason. Like that's any big surprise for me . . . lol . . . the story of my life!

What do you really feel about this deep down thou?

I guess it's all about peace and ease. I remember Mike asking me about doing the work to clear things out. I've done that so many times so many ways it almost seems like a joke now. Of course then he gave me his DVD "Healing Through Relationships" . . . which is really where I am going now . . . I guess that was my whole purpose in starting back to USF anyway. I had to get back to what I AM instead of all this other stuff?

What other stuff?

I finished what You wanted. I totally destroyed all the systems . . . . course no one knows it yet. But all the BS about schools and education and government and all . . . even the total BS we've got in the churches and legal system with marriage and all . . . It's all been burnt up and the simple pathetic perversions are all common sense to me now. I guess I set out to understand it to FIX IT ALL NOW . . . That is really so funny.

I need to find my old Journals, go empty the bank box and read some of the first issues when I was struggling to find out what it was all about. I knew I could do anything, and still can. But what's really funny is how I burnt through all the "self-corruption" => greed and ego back then; and then after college I burnt through all the "social-corruption" => capitalism, democracy. . . lol. . . or really it is bureaucracy . . . as nothing is democratic here or anywhere any more. . . Change is coming!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. . . . Thanks for Your Love and Light! Amen.

8:13:10 AM

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

8:13:10 AM

What are you feeling?

It's been three months since I meet Ciera. Thursday I made up an Easter basket for her and took it over to Kabloom to deliver with flowers for Lyn. As I drove past Lyn's office in jacket and tie I wanted to stop in and ask her to lunch. I didn't see her car so I didn’t. That felt like a mistake; so when I got home I called her to ask her to lunch, no reply again, as I blogged about.

I sat and read the Tolle book all day and again on Friday. Kabloom called about a card to include with the delivery to Lyn and I told them about the basket for Ciera with the two cards there. Then I read until about 3pm, when Kathy called. She had a nurse visiting with her mom and wanted me to take her shopping. So we chatted all afternoon. Rev DJ came to visit them Thursday and all sorts of other things going on with her.

When we went to get a video to watch down the road, I finally started talking about Lyn. I told her about sending flowers again and she said I was giving much too much and felt like Lyn was just taking me for a ride and it wasn't right. She asked if I'd gotten a response from the flowers and I explained how last time the reply was a day late since she wasn't there when they were delivered. I explained how we chatted a bit about getting together this weekend, but she likely forgot it was Easter. Then again I said how Lyn seemed to plan out every second weeks in advance but maybe she was out of town again.

Kathy still wasn't too thrilled about how I was being treated but then told me how the two Goddess note with Kristin was perfect making it clear to Lyn that I might not be waiting for her. It was sorta putting the bug in her ear to get things going with me. She said that note was likely why Lyn came in Sunday anyway. Oh well, we’ll see. We then stopped to get pies and some Chinese food for dinner and started heading to her house chatting about other stuff again.

It was almost 6pm already and as we drove over Busch coming down 22nd to her house my phone rang. It was odd of course, my phone never rings. As I dug it out of my pocket Kathy said it was Lyn. Yea sure, I'll believe that then . . . wow, it was Lyn? That's weird?

We chatted for 5 minutes or so. She wanted me to help her move out of her office on Sunday after church. She was resigning from her job. I was really kinda dumbfounded and asked her some really stupid questions. Like did she have something else setup already? Daa, yea of course. Then I told her we needed to really talk sometime . . . oh da, like we could do anything together without talking. Then I asked if she got anything at her office, she said it was closed and no one was there, so I asked for her address. We're emptying her office to bring things to her house so obviously I'll have that on Sunday. So she wouldn't give it to me over the phone.

That was weird . . . obviously not as weird as all the dumb questions that I asked her. She had to rush to get Ciera since they charge her extra for being late. She said she hadn't seen her for a week and planned to spend today in Orlando with her. Of course they had some big Easter dinner to go to on Sunday with her in-laws so we couldn't go to Kathy's together . . . as Kathy invited us that moment as we spoke.

Ok so I'm meeting her at her office Sunday at 1pm or so after church. She wants me to clear her PC too so there is nothing on it for them to snoop through. I'm sure they have no clue she's leaving. So that was it. I asked Kathy whether she had called her in. She said when she gets really emotional about things people can feel it, so her anger and frustration about Lyn earlier at the video store might have triggered something for Lyn. Then I said how I knew Lyn had a lot to clear up and needed to get things straight in her life before anything would develop between us.

I didn't know it was work as well as the ex. But obviously Lyn has been busy clearing things out all over.

What does this all make you feel?

I stayed over to watch The Good Shepard with them last night and got home just before midnight. Another weird movie, feels like all the mystery I have with Lyn, where I basically have NO CLUE!!! I tried to sleep but was really buzzing. The last few days I've felt more distant from Lyn, not getting replies to anything I sent her. She mentioned on the phone that my phone messages were unintelligible and I know my phone is messed up. But not last night. Finally at 1:03 I jumped out of bed to chant. And it was really powerful again, with her sitting in my lap again for some of it. When I got to bed again at 2:21am we were chatting again like nothing ever changed.

I told her I wasn't thrilled with the little games and felt like a puppet on a string. She reminded me that we had chatted the same through the ethers as we always did. It was really my own choice not to see it as the same holy union I had felt all along. I told her how no matter what we did together I liked the ethers too and would want to keep that as well. We got really strong and intense again too . . . 3:03am before I was going to sleep again.

What have you felt or seen along these lines?

I keep seeing us together doing incredible things. Like she starts doing the chant with me all the time and the class at church Sunday morning gets super powerful. Like just us being there together blows things up really powerful. Then Susan asked me to start doing the Kirtan with her and singing at church more. So I'm seeing Lyn and I doing that together too. Like we're always together and working on things we love. Not so much anything new either, but more that she's always with me doing what I do, helping me to do all these crazy things I need to do . . . Like she realized that changing the world will happen faster through me with her love and support than anything she could do anywhere else or anything at all.

What else have you seen?

I started thinking about our meeting Sunday, of course. I called Kabloom and Carmen answered the phone since she saw my name on the caller id. They were closed already, but she answered anyway. They are closed Sunday so they can deliver stuff on Monday. Course Kathy told me to just get it all myself and give it to her on Sunday. Well DAAA, of course!

So I've thought about when I first see Lyn Sunday and she goes to give me a little greeting, kiss on the cheek and a hug. I want to stop her and share some breath and closeness. Like "wait a minute, let me see something" . . . and I just feel her out up close for a bit. Maybe tell her to take a deep breath and blow out an Ohm for me to breathe in . . . Course then I feel how we'll have 4 hours together and might be done moving in one or two. So she might have planned to get physical in her place when we are all done. That's her style to hold out until the last minute of course.

But then she said she would take me to lunch next week if I could help her out on Sunday. I also thought I would tell her I have a favor to ask when we are all done too . . . . then just telling her to move into my house. She could sleep wherever she wants. It's just there is so much power we generate by just being near each other and the whole Earth needs this power whether we are ready to share it at higher levels or not. Her moving into my house, even taking my bedroom and me sleeping in Christopher's will certainly give us more time to get to know each other better. A lot more time, which certainly will lead into intimacy sooner or later.

I keep seeing these different events happening before my eyes. Stopping her at the steps to her office on Sunday to kiss and hug a bit, more getting into her aura again and connecting than trying to get very intimate. Then meeting Ciera again and playing around. That's funny how I've not felt much from Ciera in a while. I'm sure Lyn won't let that happen again until everything else is clear between us.

Then I always feel her having more children. It's like each child she has makes her stronger and sexier so we get more and more erotic and intimate as time goes on. Then I'm running a school playing with the kids all the time instead of doing anything else. Funny, I get to play Mr. Mom since Lyn is having so much fun beating butt in the business world. . . .

I love you dearest Lord Jesus Christ, Thank you for bringing us together and making this into the power and passion that we both need and want!!!!

6:43:13 PM

I’m still really buzzing for Lyn. She knows I’ve been waiting and hungry for her and she feels like she is really looking forward to it, even if it seems that she has the upper hand. It’s really kinda funny, because she does have the upper hand while we are apart, but as soon as we are close again I seem to have the upper hand. I guess that’s why I feel she’s just never really been loved before. Sure she’s been seduced and intimate but people playing with her like an object is nothing like really being in love and passionate with someone.

What do you feel about all of this?

I know we share so much already through the ethers that getting close physically will be almost second nature. Like we won’t have to think or plan anything at all. I remember pulling her legs over me at the picnic and in my Ritual Space and it’s just obvious and right. No thought, no discussion it just IS what it IS perfectly. I guess that is all about Being in the Now and Being real about who we are. It really come very natural for both of us so to do it like this is just what it needs to be.

What else do you feel?

I keep feeling her moving into my house. Seeing her around me all the time and us just goofing and playing like little kids. Ciera loves the whole idea so much and Emily and Christopher will freak with it.

What about school, what are you feeling there?

It’s really almost funny, because she is just so good at these things that I am lost about. While the spiritual stuff she wants to get into is second nature to me . . . just like raising kids, while she’s made having children into an art form as well. I just can feel so much passion welling up inside of me, like I’m going to pop! I mean it is about time we got something going. We met on September 24^th over 6 months ago. And I guess if she’s ready to get moving then we’ll likely be flying through things again.

Why do you say that?

I feel like she is very strong and clear about whatever she does. And when she decides to do something she dives into it fully not half way or anything else. I really admire that of course, and feel it in her a lot.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

The Power of Now

1:52pm Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

So much power, so much clarity. I'm almost done with another book and its funny how I read this and feel things filling in . . . like I wrote the book in the first place and know some parts that are missing . . . course we are all ONE anyway, so this is really no surprise to me!!! lol. . .

What does that mean?

I read about the Big Bang and how the universe is expanding and soon will cycle back again contracting in on itself. . . . But as I read this section in Chapter 10 The New Earth; I realized something more . . . or I felt something a bit different. So the world and universe began with a Big Bang coming from nothingness into something and expanding . . . so I could feel the endless cycles of nothingness into something back into nothing . . . Like when I do the Chant and being the energy up from the Earth into the Heavens where it goes through to infinity only to come up from the Earth again.

It is connecting Heaven and Earth in this infinite circle that spins through them both. As I read this book, I could feel the universe expanding into nothingness instead of ever contracting again. Like the worlds and suns would expand and expand to break up more and more into gases expanding more and more then into atoms and only electrons and neutrons . . . and continue expanding into Quarks and Strings then expand further into only waves of light back into the same conscious energy or the nothingness that they all came from. And suddenly, as mystically as they disappeared into eternity ... BOOM they all started over from a single point all over again.

It's so weird when I feel and see things like this.

Why?

I feel the power that I send across the internet and feel all the egos latching onto it saying this is MINE, my thought, my creation, my discovery . . . sad crazy people all lost in the control. . . wanting it all but ending up with nothing . . . Reminds me of poor lonely Neale and Bill back in Black Mountain. Sure take it all, call it yours, WHO CARES . . . just get it out to people and help them grow and learn . . . and never let it get lost in some church where only the High Priests can use the power. . . lol . . .

11:30pm What do you feel about this now?

I'm not sure if letting things go out like this is always better. Like maybe keeping or controlling something for myself has some value. I took Kathy to get groceries today while a nurse visited with her mom. Not sure what we were talking about but I told her how I joined this dating service after my divorce . . . Like me single again, what's that mean . . . I'd never had to approach a girl in my life. . .

Course she laughed about Kathy F. the manager there that snatched me up before I even got into their books. She heard about her already, but couldn't believe I actually paid for the service anyway. . . Then I told her about Sharon the wealthy lady who grabbed me a year later. . . I said how it was more just for my children, who never experienced wealth. It never meant shit to me, I guess she was convinced she knew everything so I couldn't help her too much. The lady could use all the help she could get and the kids were open and ready. . . she soon lost them too.

What is the point son?

I'm not sure. I know there is a lot at my fingers again; and again I have a lot of free time to create whatever I need. Things are changing Fast again!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

a new day... re-new day, re-new life!!!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

The Rebel
People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism, a charisma that can take out alive, young people from the traditional imprisonment. ...

The enlightened man cannot be enslaved - that is the difficulty - and he cannot be imprisoned.. .. Every genius who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery; they are in misery, but they are accustomed to the misery. And anybody who is not miserable looks like a stranger.

The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organization confines him, no community, no society, no nation.

Zen Manifesto: Freedom from Oneself: The powerful and authoritative figure in this card is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder is an emblem of the sun, and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth.

Whether he is wealthy or poor, the Rebel is really an emperor because he has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colors of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. His very way of being is rebellious - not because he is fighting against anybody or anything, but because he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The eagle is his spirit animal, a messenger between earth and sky.

The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.

I really start laughing when I get stuff like this. I remember some Styx song that was like my theme song... Rebel without a cause... or Renegade or Mr Roboto like the dragon Chinese sign, it's always telling me more than I already know... lol...

Light on the Path
The philosopher, the mystic and the thunderstorm

A flash of lightning does not light your path, it does not serve you like a lamp in your hand; it only gives you a flash, a glimpse of the road ahead. But this single glimpse is very precious; now your feet are firm, now your will is strong, now your resolve to reach your destination is strengthened. You have seen the road and you know it is there and that you are not wandering aimlessly. One flash of lightning and you get a glimpse of the road you have to travel, and of the temple that is your journey's destination.

I have heard about two men who were lost in a forest on a very dark night. It was a very dangerous forest, full of wild animals, very dense, with darkness all around. One man was a philosopher and the other was a mystic.

Suddenly, there was a storm, a crashing of the clouds, and great lightning. The philosopher looked at the sky, the mystic looked at the path. In that moment of lightning, the path was before him, illuminated. The philosopher looked at the lightning, and started wondering, "What is happening?" and missed the path.

You are lost in a forest denser than that of the story. The night is darker. Sometimes a flash of lightning comes--look at the path. A Chuang Tzu is lightning, a Buddha is lightning, I am lightning. Don't look at me, look at the path. If you look at me, you have already missed, because lightning will not continue. It lasts only for a moment--and the moment is rare when eternity penetrates time; it is just like lightning.

If you look at the lightning, if you look at a buddha--and a buddha is beautiful, the face fascinates, the eyes are magnetic--if you look at the buddha, you have missed the path. Look at the path, forget the buddha.

Look at the path and do something--follow the path, act. Thinking will not lead you, only action, because thinking goes on in the head. It can never become total; only when you act, it is total. Become interested in life!--living is the real thing. Don't go on collecting information about what meditation is--meditate! Don't go on collecting information about what dancing is--there are encyclopedias on dance, but the whole thing is utterly meaningless if you don't dance yourself. Throw all those encyclopedias! Unburden yourself from knowledge and start living.

And when you start living, then ordinary things are transformed into extraordinary beauty. Just small things--life consists of small things--but when you bring the quality of intense, passionate love they are transformed, they become luminous.

I laugh some more... I only see Flashes. I remember hearing the Prodigal Son story after my accident... yea sure you want me back . . . you want me to deal with this CRAP created here . . . Ok fine, no more angels or aliens or nothing, if you want me to stay here then I can't see anything else... Don't waste my time with visions of this or that, I am here and only what to see what I need here and NOW!!!

Course then I'm in Tampa the Lightning Capitol of the World!!! Where else would I be? Wonder when it started getting zapped so much??? I bet I can get the exact time and place it started... lol... somewhere arounf USF in 1983. . . lol . . .

They don't play fair, because all they care about is money and power
(not life). It is dangerous to compete with these selfish, unethical,
immoral, and demonic vested interests, as billions of ass-kissers
already know. Jai Om. - Sw. Tantrasangha
http://www.gwu. edu/~nsarchiv/ news/20010306/

I know more data, more research. Like I was browsing again yesterday and found this cool video clip that I had to send to Mike and Dave... let's really make some movies!!! Course Mke's reply was there this morning too... so I gave him an over-dose of data . . . hope I didn't lose him? I blow people away too easily!!!

TUT... A Note from the Universe
If you knew how each little, fluffy thought or daydream of yours was tied to the huge, pivotal events of your life, Eric, you'd never again consider any of your thoughts little or fluffy.

Radical, huh?
The Universe

I guess I need to stop saying that I blow people away. . . lol. . . I laugh about it as a joke, and need to feel people connecting and finding stronger truth and power in what I share.

Today's Outlook for Friday April 06, 2007
The Moon enters philosophical Sagittarius at 12:56 pm EST, infusing our minds with idealism. We are ready to visualize a distant mountain and dream about the journey ahead. But the increasing emphasis on initiating action is softened as assertive Mars enters mystical Pisces, where it remains until May 15. This can dampen our optimism, unless we accept the limitations of the sensible world and place more value on the uncertainty of our feelings.

I need to move into Sagittarius some more too . . . make my feelings and power strong. Hum this feels more and more like starting something so strong and new. Something so far beyond what I've known before . . . I know I can make anything happen. So I need to feel more power and creation moving here than ever!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ; Thanks for sharing this moment and Light with me. . . For the Glory of Father, Son and Holy Ghost!!! Amen!

WHOLE NOTE

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What is up...

I've been reading a lot again . . . John told me to get a new book to help finish my paper by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth. It's funny how much is really old news for me. A lot of this is very in tune with what Mike is teaching too . . . Course I referred to his first book The Power of Now already in my paper.

What's the point?

I remember visiting with Mike and Dave on Monday. Mike is so very clear and conscious it was inspiring. Anyway, at one point I mentioned how I'd spent the last few years focused on being very spontaneous and clear. Simply staying in the NOW and DOING whatever came my way. More simply following my spontaneous insight and inspiration as much as physically possible. I guess I really have done this for years and years . . . I mean all the stuff with STARS resulted from me just doing whatever I was inspired to. Most of my life has been similar.

What are you missing ?

I guess today I went to some hearing about the Careless Driving ticket I got hitting my neighbors truck. There was nothing careless there at all, I was after a thief who stole my bike, and I got my bike back. So the whole experience was very careful and deliberate entirely. Not careless at all, and I would do the same thing again. . .

What's the point, your rambling. . .

I know so as I walked into the court room a sweet pretty girl smiled at me.... long hair, and high heels hidden under blue jeans. Once again I realize that girls like this actually never smile at anyone since they likely get chased by most people all the time. And my instinct was to sit next to her and chat a bit . . . which I've really almost never done at all. Or not since before my accident. lol . . . since I was like 12!!! And I guess now if I had the choice I would have or should have . . . lol . . . since I obviously was not centered in my NOW and BEing!

Why not?

I know I started back to school to get back to my truth again. I can be free to BE as I like to BE and it really means accepting that I attract people and BEing responsible for who I am. Which is really funny now, as I think about 12, back then school was a chore that I enjoyed ONLY because I always did what I wanted which always meant finding the pretty smiles everywhere...

What else are you missing?

I know I was in a jacket and tie and had to get out to Northdale to drop something off. . . and Spontaneous insight again was to stop and visit Lyn. I didn't see her car where she always parked it, so I called to ask her to lunch. No reply again. Oh well. Feels like I should just focus on my NOW and finish this next paper . . . . . I asked John about summer work, and he said we'd get grants and get published! Dr. Nord is ready to explore some research too. . . lol . . . so my NOW is full already!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.



Dear Eric, Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, April 5:
For such a steady soul, you've also got a deep well of passion -- and something (or is it someone?) is likely to provoke intense feelings now. This could get very interesting, very quickly.

yea yea yea... believe it when I see it... remember what you said talk aint nothing without the Actions!

fulfillment

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth - everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you.

This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.

I know more power and energy coming through all the time

The Moon entered passionate Scorpio late last night, shifting the energies into deeper and darker realms. Scorpio's two key planets, impulsive Mars and potent Pluto form a supportive sextile today, allowing us to act decisively to get a job done. But quicksilver Mercury's square to confident Jupiter may have us underestimating the time it will take. Additionally, a Venus-Neptune square tempts us to escape into our dreams if the going gets too tough.

I know that moon was eating me up last night... AGAIN!!!

Sow a thought and you reap an act; Sow an act and you reap a habit; Sow a habit and you reap a character; Sow a character and you reap a destiny.

- Samuel Smiles

I know I need to get my to-do list started...

"So how do you find your calling and get into something you stick with?"

1. "Ask yourself 2 tough questions: What do I want? and How will I know when I get it?
2. Write a master dream list: List all the things you dream of doing before you die. Let yourself go. Quantity is the key. List as many of your dreams as you can without heed to limitations.
3. Talk with a partner: Dreaming and scheming can place stress upon your closest relationships. Practice this exercise along with a partner in order to share the experience and learn each other's dreams."

I always have this long list . . . miles long it seems sometimes. WHAT'S NEW!!!!

What else?

I got to get a DVD, get some work done, pull the police report from smashing my truck. . .

What do you feel?

I'm wonderful, buzzing, so much so fast, and it's barely started yet. . . . I really almost laugh about it all sometimes.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

Transform Stress into Vitality

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What?

transparency.
truth
energy...
everyone is affected by everything, so we need to get it all very clear, very soon!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.

DELIVERANCE

think outside the box.

where to go?

go to Gratitude.

circular, transparent, open to interpretation.


in short, forget limits.

allow universal deliverance
to appear
as uniquely designed
to meet current timing
by opening portals of possibility.


***


Go Gratitude!

CO-DEPENDENCE TO INTER-DEPENDENCE

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

You are my hope by Skillet, CMRadio.net

Kathy just called... I saw this perfect smile and just swelled up . . . (look familiar) I been flying again. I was up again at 3am, for an hour, and then another before I could sleep. Lucid Dreaming. That's what it is. Not really asleep but dreaming anyway. I went in and out of all kinds of things last night... too much power, it was really intense

Valleys Fill First by Caedmon's Call

I'm picking up Kathy to go to church this morning...

Forever by Plus One 9.01

Kathy wants to give DJ something. Then Mike wants me to record his message in church and likely the workshop after church. So I will have a long day I'm sure!!
I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.