One moment . . . next moment

One moment I wanna go out side and sit on the hammock. And then the next moment I think I need to blog, or write, or do something else. I kind of feel like I’m lost in space again. There’s such an opportunity to do so many things. But I’m insecure about spending money. Insecure about working, painting, or building for some reason. While Lama was here this morning, I was excited to talk and work with him outside. I filled a few pots to plant, and they are still sitting out there waiting for my seeds, as Lama has left now.

I’m totally confused and challenged about what is next for me. Or for us. I know this system is crashing, and so much that I want and need to do is just waiting for me to get motivated. Motivation seems like the stopping point. I get excited and inspired to get something done. But then get caught in hundreds of aspects or distractions. I never seem clear or sure in anything that I do. . . Course I know this crash will not impact me, but I also know I got to help build the new before the old ends.

This is totally annoying. . . Like dam, maybe the crash is waiting for the new to get done first!

I realize my point of focus and passion has been new stuff. What do I need to create? What is it that only I can do? Imagining and building something new is really so easy for me. And then I get excited about clearing the space or preparing whatever I need to allow for this next new creation. Again it feels like High School or before. I mean building forts and go-carts was well before High School. And doing most of that, I never thought about the buck, while middle school was selling candy and high school was selling too much more, so it feels like something I have evolved out of now. . . 

Then I did this a lot with my children. A new fort, a new treehouse, a new design, and a new setup. I remember adding stone for the walkway to Emily’s porch, and then making a track so they could race around it on their scooters. Then we painted, or changed things every year. It was always an adventure with them. Maybe that’s what I’m missing now. I have no one to impress, no one to please, no one to surprise, or connect to. Those children would always ask for something, so I was always running to please.

I guess that fits, as with “Lama here” it was helping another, that got me moving. And then no plans, no challenges, nothing exciting and I just fizzled out after he left. I wonder about going somewhere, shopping, eating, or something. And again it’s not inspiring enough for me to get up.

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word !

What about your meetings today

I know I was able to speak about building new gardens. What do we need to build? Can we do it all ourselves? What are we going to spend? Do we have a budget?

What about your last bit above recognizing that MS and HS were about selling things and getting lots of cash in your pocket. But then with your own children, the cash was irrelevant and came and went randomly with no effort or challenge. You always paid the bills, and got whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted.

I don’t know about that! I remember I had the kayaks, but then when the step-dad bought jet-ski’s I never thought or cared to beat him out.

What are you doing now

I realize I’m back in the flapper-club. . . And I’m dancing in my seat here. Wow, I’m like slipping into another twilight zone.  I love this old music and gettin down into the grove and “dancing by-myself” really just feels good. . . Whether it’s proper or whatever is really irrelevant to me now.

What about accepting your responsibility now?

I don’t know, 6:01pm on Friday night, dancing alone in my seat seems really ideal for me now. Is this my new blogging space?  Beer and blog each afternoon? That’s cool, I could do that and enjoy it.

We have created all your fantasies, when are you going to take it serious and move into this space with Love and Joy to make it all your own?!?!?

I’m not sure I’m ready for this! I know you want to have this experience with me. So is watching and guiding me enough?  Am I going to get into all this crazy Divinity all by myself? Seems weird, if you are only going to watch and encourage me. Do I share enough with you to make this fun?

What if you were the only one really accepting and talking with us at all? What if everyone else was lost in some piece in some aspect, Jesus, Buddha, MOSES, EACH a place of power and focus, but each lost in history. Evolving and growing to be real is not lost in history. What if you are true and only One Present in the creation and spontaneous Divinity. You are not the only one, but you are very unique and only in this realm. 

I appreciate you honesty and directions. . . And if you want me to do more of this, then get them to stick to one generation of music instead of shifting all over the planet so quickly. 

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.