gifts of clothing or tools and things

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What you have is more coming together all the time. You are always at right place at the right time. This is part of your experience. You might question it, or not understand it, or even disagree with it. But it simply is what you have now!

I get it. I mean, I realized today how I have four classes set for the next term, which is essentially full-time work. And this term I will earn enough extra to save and cover the summer expenses. Which is really remarkable as I consider my lot in life. Biking, teaching, and praying as I really don't need or want anything more, though having a lady around would be great!

OK, I confess I saw a cute young girl climbing into a car with two others and flashed to having all their kids in my house, where they were all busy professionals and I was the stay at home dad taking care of everyone . . . What a delightful idea

What or which would you want?? 

I really do not want anything More.. I feel so very blessed and lucky to be here alone with too much already.  I did get outside for a moment, and thought to make bird houses from scrap wood I found. Course, that was a complete delight as well since I recognized the opportunity and saw all the pieces come together in ease. I guess that is really my place and my challenge more than ever, to simply accept my place and the immediate tasks and opportunities as they appear before me.

What you might want to explore more is the great chasm between making bird houses and making children with three women. Especially since the concept of marriage or sex, never seemed present at all. It is more about being a father and supporting others than anything involving sex and marriage.

I guess that is showing how far I’ve come over these years of being caught up in this world of selfishness and control! 

What this is about is more than the simplicity of getting closer to God. You have so much at hand, and you are allowing more direction every day. Like getting a glass of wine now, and turning on your keyboard to type as you sit at you table. You really do type really fast, and are able to release this experience with us very easily with the keyboard. This experience is so dynamic and real for you. And you have been able to teach others. It’s really important that you understand and acknowledge this as the real Divinity that IT IS. Like, this morning speaking to your children at the farmer’s market and getting real about this experience you are deep into. You shopped and spent more than you had planned to, thinking you had enough food already.

It was weird, I actually only spent $100, and got another bottle of wine and the Home Depot staples I needed to build bird houses.  Yes when I noticed the pile of wood in my yard ideal for birdhouses, I tried the electric staple gun which had only 3/4” staples meaning 1/4” was holding things together. Not enough, reading the labels on the tools I could get up to 1.5” staples so I got some now.  

Jim took me out for lunch last week and I got another check from USF right before I left, so I was checking my budget to see if I could buy us lunch yet.  He’s always checking in on me, so I was happy to admit I had even given my ten percent tithing to the church, fixed my AC and got pieces I needed for fixing the well and fence at home.  I’m really so proud of myself being almost stable and clear again.  Course I admitted again how grateful I was to have his concern and help, as these bothers at church did more for me than anyone has ever done.

Remarkable as it is, it’s only my mom who did more. And I’ve had good friends and lovers, but they were usually on the receiving side instead of the giving side. And those who did love and give to me, would share more within very simple boundaries and limits. Like gifts of clothing or tools and things I really needed around the house or whatever. When I stop to consider the joy or a gift in surprise, all I can really remember is the experience of my third grade birthday party where my mom invited all the neighbors and really surprised me with cake ice cream and games after school.

It was great having lunch and telling Jim what I was doing and where things were. I mean, I also talked to Dr JJ who said 4 courses is full time, so doing six now is considered time & a half.  So the fall I’ve got full-time again. 2 at USF and 2 at SPC. . . It sorta makes me feel special. I mean I’m really doing what I love, and to be assigned the LOVE from two Colleges feels so remarkable. Course Jim is asking me about a “full-time” job to get the regular insurance and benefits that creates stability for our culture.  But I could really careless about all of that. I only needed that when I had a wife and children to care for. as for just me, I’ve always been indestructible, doctors only would give me the annual confirmations on what I already knew! 

So these four courses are enough to pay all my bills, so I can stay here in this incredible home Jesus Gave me. I can be at peace and fix and clean everything a bit at a time. Like I bought all the root veggies and chicken soup stuff this weekend, so I’m making the regular stuff I love to make. It smells so good here now. But I’ve only had my bowl of fruit so far. I already have what I need to make another big bowl of fruit too. So the root veggies and soup are enough to feed an army. I always wonder if I’ll be alone or be feeding an army. I’m always ready for both it seems. I’m really so very grateful for this awesome experience.

Like having the summer off like a teacher or student. Wow, I’ve not done that in years. I really feel so very blessed to have this experience on my own again.  And I know this is something I likely asked for at one time or other. And I’ve been really careful not to ask for anything. I mean having this peace and comfort is awesome, and getting to guidance to do Mass and Ritual and whatever I need to do it’s more than enough.

What about really sharing these wonderful blessings you have?

I try and offer to most all the time. Each day I feel I reach out to someone and try to do something helpful and wholesome even if it's just for my garden, kitchen, or neighbor.  I know I can do so much more, and days like today I want to sit and write with the perfect beautiful breeze flowing over me and not do anything else.

What happens is that you experience this peace that is so powerful and beyond you that you really have no reason or desire for anything else. 

I get it, but I really need to do grades, or yard work or hundreds of other things I’ve half started all around me. Funny, I keep checking my bank accounts to be sure I know where everything is and what I can do or not do. Like doing Lent with Brent had me asking about a visit north where he said I had to plan with Emily.

It was funny as the very next time I called Emily, she answered almost immediately. So we spoke about a few times that might work and I wonder about it since both my kids sound almost skeptical about visits or something. Like they have some fear?  It's weird, I guess but I have confronted them before about drinking too much or other trauma I know is hidden . . . 

What is real in your experience is that neither has taken responsibility for how they have treated you. Dealing with their own traumas they created lying to a judge is only the start. There are many very physical traumas they experienced beyond anything they have shared, discussed on even acknowledged. Running from these experiences will only create cancer, illness, and greater traumas to address in the future. 

I get it and really have known this all along. I mean when I saw colleen and paul celebrating at lunch in NC knowing they had taken my children from me again and had her parents supporting them as my children claimed "Fears" against me. Wow, celebrating lies and deceptions! 

Why do you feel this now?

I guess, I just wrote my son asking about visiting him and admitting I wasn't interested in doing Airbnb. I said that to Emily too, which resulted in a weekend visit.

What they learn and grow from is not your responsibility. You stayed in the love and truth where you belong and can lead and guide only when they are ready. Yes, you know you are in an important place of power and focus. Allowing that to be enough is also important too. You don't need to press and push on these issues until they are ready. 

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.