Friday, October 15, 2004 3:13:37

Wow numbers again. This place is filled with so much power, and it closes in 2 hours, 5pm. I’ve been feeling like Billy Lee Newman was when I first started college.... I know everyone looks at me. I can see their eyes and feel their reaction. It’s really kinda cool. I even feel the difference in the women and the gay men; who also are often looking. Wow, I really have so much to learn about relating to people. I can feel their reaction to everything that I do. Wow, I felt like I was typing onto the over head screen and everyone here could see and read this every word as I write.

Now I know I need to call some people, SWFWMD, Larson, FEES, Renniks, detective; I have the list on my desk, but couldn’t find it this morning so they can wait another week.

But I know now I need to see and think about how to define this experiment. In the Thursday Group they asked about videotaping. At first reaction I was offended, knowing I would never be comfortable and avoid speaking too much already. But when I thought about the video I realized I needed to get serious about doing this chant and teaching people. I mean I felt how I could “perform” for the Group once and get a reaction form them. And check it on the video, feeling how Olga would react, knowing how I spoke to her about God all the time. I immediately felt how they would love it and want more and more. So my next picture of it all in my mind was like out in the plaza where they have a circle all tiled and set-off. Really neat area and they wanted me to perform again so I started teaching it all. A crowd generated, it felt neat.

Course then I thought how that circle has some fountains I biked and played in, with Emily and Christopher.... lol... so someone’s gonna get me soaked while I chant, like protestors. LOL.... But now I write about it and realized how it would be the perfect experiment for testing this concept of changing DNA. Like the missing link between religion and science. That sounds like exactly what I was speaking to Billy about when I first came here to USF. I remember now the one equation that accounts for all energy and the same relationship with matter..... e=mc2

This is what you need to do. This is what you started
here in the 80’s. The same concepts and ideals. Remember how much fun you had, but you were too busy to take the science research aspects seriously. You were creating and interacting, making things happen. Really important stuff too. But only now are you ready to make this information known and strong and clear.

Too much? It’s been getting to me. I’ve been kinda frustrated with a lot of things, like the ‘Shy Learning Group’ this morning. I guess right now I could be interacting with the cute girl sitting next to me. She’s working on a little Mac notebook, tall and dark, very appealing. She notices every person I look at. There’s really a lot of really pretty girls around here. But all I do is watch and sneeze.... lol. But I’ve really got too many other things to do that I'm really not working too well on now. Course and now another really cute girl sits down outside on a table to eat in front of me. This is all just too weird. She knows I'm watching her, oh she moved now..... lol....

And I hesitate to go home cause I’ve just been getting pissed at Dan all the time. Not like he’s doing anything or not doing. I guess he never seems to have really respected my space. He’s not finished anything that he started. Everything that he’s done has got little defects and problems. He’s really not even conscious about it. And I guess I need to tell him since no one else will. It’s really like intimidating to argue with him. It will always become an argument.

This is only true until you decide otherwise and change it. Remember the power of the truth. What you feel and know as truth inside is so much more powerful than most of what’s on the Earth now. You lost your Ego, you gave it to Christ. It was really a significant conscious effort you made for a very long time. This is something that you haven’t been very conscious of. How did Dave react?

Oh, David was the graduate student I met last week that told me about the Math/genetic stuff. I saw him today in the library again. He was doing some C-programming for a friend’s math project and ended up starting a degree. He was surprised I spoke to the professor. I didn’t notice at first, but then felt his reaction when I said she wrote me an outline and gave me some insights and suggestions. He said she really knows a lot about all of that stuff.

This is exactly what you need. Everything about this process will get easier and stronger every moment. There is a great deal of power in this desire you have. The power is felt by everyone. This is one of the major reasons you attract so much attention. Remember how you learned to suck up all the energy people spill out. When people are lost, with no clear purpose or clarity in their hearts their energy spills out. Everyone is wanting direction and focus from the outside. They need the TV to tell them what to do. It’s really not that bad, but the point is that their energy is not focused. As you feel the power and clarity increase and grow, they are all losing it. There is always the opposites on the Earth, that’s the only way materials work.

So I really need to ask you a lot more about this all don’t I? Do I need to be searching for a lady?

You need to be honest with yourself. You sat next to two different girls today. You spoke to one of them and not the other. You liked and respected one and not the other. If this is going to be a learning experience for you then you need to get more serious about trying things. There are so many people here on campus, you can talk to someone every day and never repeat it. So what if you get embarrassed or never fin what you want. You need to start trying it all. This time it is important, there are a lot of things we’ll need to do, so you better get ready. You know we’ve told you countless times to chant each week, yoga each morning, bike more and exercise. Your going to wish you listed to us.

So how much?

This you wont know until you start. Like your engineering work, you know how much you have to do. And you also know this will impress and create a substantial position for you. However you often allow yourself to feel like you are pissing them off and not getting things done. You know better, and must keep the thoughts clear inside of you before you make it a big mess.