love for all humanity

Over the centuries spiritual and moral thinkers have prescribed ways of living that lead to greater happiness over the course of a lifetime, and the best of them from Socrates to Buddha, from Jesus to Maimonides, have powerfully lived out what they taught. The goal of a good life, they agreed, is a deep happiness consistent with simplicity, integrity, and a profound generosity. The great thinkers have never thought of happiness as primarily rooted in the hedonic indulgence of the senses, but rather they have described a sense of well-being and satisfaction that comes from a higher purpose pursued over time. Opinion has differed as to how happy we can expect to become in this mixed up world, and as to what goals and purposes in life really deliver on happiness. Rather than sort out these debates, I wish only to convince the reader that the key spiritual secret of any happier and healthier life is the deeper kindness that can be captured with the term “Gift-love,” a term borrowed here from C.S. Lewis.

We are busy in life with what Lewis termed “Need-love,” loving and seeking the things we need, from good food to a decent coat. And we certainly all need and seek to be loved, for if we do not receive love we will not be able to give it away. Yet even when we pursue the things we need, it is often not just for ourselves, but for the nearest and dearest who depend on us. This points to the other side of life, to Gift-love, a sincere love of others that is commonly taught by exhortation but is really transmitted by example, and that we typically identify with spiritual and moral goodness. My thesis, more clearly stated, is that as a side-effect or by-product of Gift-love we generally feel happier and are heathier over the whole of a life.

This thesis is old, but it can be forgotten, so it bears repeating from time to time. Indeed, it echoes in literature over the generations. Henry David Thoreau wrote that love is “the only investment that never fails.” Abraham Lincoln stated, “When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.” It is said that Lincoln was prone to occasional melancholy. One way he overcame this was by doing “unto others” in the many small acts of neighbourly kindness for which he was so well known. Ralph Waldo Emerson described the path to happiness thus: “No man can sincerely help another without helping himself.” Sincerely is the key word. There is an after-glow when we do good, a satisfaction that flows from authentic giving, and not from actions that are primarily motivated by self-concern. Psalm 11:25 reads, “Those who refresh others are themselves refreshed.” The “kitchen table” wisdom around this thesis is perennial.

A happier life revolves around at least one immaterial good - love. We cannot grasp Gift-love like a coin, but this warmth and concern for another is more real and meaningful than anything we can possess. Here is an exercise: close your eyes and intensely imagine giving to the person in your life who you love most, and then open your eyes and feel your heart strangely warmed. This state of being and related action in Gift-love is the Highest Spiritual Good for each of first because giving does so much for others, and secondarily, because it is a key source of joy and health for givers.

When we cultivate sincere Gift-love through day-to-day practice, we inadvertently discover the great paradox that underlies fuller human flourishing - in the giving of self lies the surprising discovery of a happier and healthier self. This paradox underlies most spiritual and moral wisdom.