hidden deep down inside . . . about my mom. Yes, “About my Mom?

VORTEX4LOVE: But again stepping into God’s Wisdom and Glory to recognize that there is something about my past that I buried. And instead of finding and forgiving some karma, I’ve been caught into these obstacles of Doubt and Fear. 

This is really so powerful for me, as I realize now how my dad will be here .. tomorrow and my son has lost it yesterday. And now again in my space and time the random experience of sharing God’s Beauty and Love, in His Son dying to share and teach whatever could be next for me. And suddenly, I have this typo “Ely,” and see my mother name? 

Of course, I couldn’t erase or correct this. . . Why is my mom showing up for me now? Could it be to understand  more about why I feel lost in doubt and fear about some karma I have hidden deep down inside . . . about my mom. Yes, “About my Mom?”

Yes, I know I’ve not addressed this yet. And I wonder what it is that I need to explore. I just hit some key and reloaded this page and lost everything I wrote for the last hour. I wonder if this means I was going in the wrong direction. Or maybe there was something else that I need to do and focus on. 

What about recognizing that you are a target and daily there are more and more after you. 

I get it! I’m not sure if that is anything new at all. I guess I need to remember the Saint Michael Prayers that protected me for years. And so this piece about my mom brings me back to when she asked me to get rosaries for all her grandkids. I think I included all her kids too.  But I guess I likely did not get anything for Scobey and Mark, as I remember thinking that they would likely prevent anything from me getting to their kids anyway. Course I might have anyway, since each brother would get several of the same packages from me at once . . . So if they opened their own they would know what it was and let them through to the kids?!?!?!?!  Course I have no idea!

What about your sister?

I know, so when my dad visited last month for one of mark’s kids graduating from high school. They always take everyone out to eat, where my siblings try to get the most expensive drinks as quickly and as many as possible. Anyway, I was sitting next to my sister and actually had a normal conversation. Wow, don’t remember that ever before. And Of course it’s always my fault focused on drama and issues instead of just sports and gossip. Wow, I never could talk about useless sports and gossip even with my own family, or anyone I guess. 

What about your son?

Oh yes, connecting with my mom about the rosary might really be about prayers for Chris. We’ve talked about starting a real conversation online through the email. And I asked him if we could include my dad. He needs my dad to hear about what’s up anyway. And I think my dad might be more interested in a real conversation if Chris is engaged too. We’ve done this before. Or tried to. I’m not sure about it, as neither of them agreed to anything yet. I guess that’s what I thought about my sister. I’ve been wanting to talk more with people on the phone. I mean, I’ve always talked a lot on the phone. I’m good at it. So I might as well step into it again.

What do you feel now?

I guess I have worked on my website again and feel like I've made some progress. It looks better and now is opening correctly on my iPhone. I guess I really impressed myself as another realtor called to buy my house. So I said the house was at $1.2m and adding the business it was $2.2m together, giving him the links that he could open up and see directly.  I mean the guy even complimented me and asked what STARS was all about.

As odd as it seems, I kinda like the unique and special name we have now on the company.

What about your son?

I am really intimidated about this discussion and challenge before me. The changes he is pursuing are really dramatic and he’s seeking my support and agreement, which really doesn't feel right at all. As his father I will listen and support anything he does, whether I agree or not. But I always will be honest and share the truth about my experience too. 

 

Where does this bring you now?? 

I have started working on this several times and do not really feel that I have made much progress. I recognize I really have a lot to address and a lot to do. I feel like I have really been avoiding things. Yea I am intimidated still and really have too much ahead of me.

What about this really feels right for you.?

I guess I really feel good about spending more time with you. I know I have always had this experience with you, like when I race off on my bike and I feel this sense of freedom. The freedom and beauty I experience on my bike is always so wonderful and divine in nature.

What The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart.. . the tragedy of false repentance–a spiritual counterfeit that prioritizes human approval over divine reconciliation. True penitence requires a clear conscience and inner transformation, not merely external words or rituals performed for show. Consider how the vice of vainglory can manifest itself in modern masculinity. When we craft careful admissions of fault that subtly highlight our strengths, that is the humble-brag of vainglory. When we confess sins in ways that maintain our image as good fathers, successful professionals, or strong leaders, that is pride in respect of persons rather than penitence… True freedom–that uncommon freedom we seek–comes only through genuine repentance that values God’s love over human opinion and admiration. It requires the courage to let our carefully constructed self-image die, trusting that what God raises up will be far greater than what we tried to preserve.

Merciful Father, you see through all pretense to the truth of our hearts. Forgive me for offering false repentance that seeks to preserve my reputation while avoiding true transformation. Grant me the grace to orient my life fully toward you, caring more for your approval than human praise. Break through my vainglory and self-deception. Give me a heart that seeks genuine contrition over impression management, authentic transformation over religious performance. Help me to embrace the freedom that comes from honest confession and true surrender. I ask this through Christ our Lord, who humbled himself unto death, caring nothing for worldly honor but everything for obedience to your will. Amen.

What saved means: John 5:13 FAITH! Nothing more!  https://www.intouch.org/listen/radio/saved-and-sure-part-1

2 Peter 3 Whoever calls onto Jesus will be saved! Ephesians 2:8-9 all saved by grace through faith.  All from Grace in Love of God.  Foundation of salvation in atoning death of Jesus Christ. God demonstrated Grace by saving us in atonement of Jesus Christ . . . What is essential John 3:16, 36, 5:24, 6:35, 7:37-38, 8:24, . . . All about saved by faith in Christ Jesus! I accept and receive John 1:11  salvation is believing and receiving Jesus not doing. 

I know I need to do so much each day. It’s such a challenge everyday.

You do have a lot more to address every day. It’s important to follow through with all you have started. 

I really try hard to keep up but everyday it seems to get more and more crazy to address. 

you are exactly where you need to be. It’s not even started yet. You have seen signs, and symbols, but it’s still a ways off. . . The changes are coming and. You know more than any as you have been ready an moving for a while now.

I know and I do trust, accept, and wait still. I know it’s all about taking my time and being patient. Meetings, running around, more chaos every day. I never know which way is up. That’s really annoying. Dealing with my son, my church, my house, my gardens, my neighbors, attorneys, and more and more each day. You know I just want to run and hide. And that changes with every beam of light you send into me. Wow, what a blessing.