what is love?

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What are you feeling now?

I think I'm getting a clue now. I was remembering the bike ride home on the 4th again. And I knew I felt wonderful inside and I knew it was a choice to hope for or not. To accept and enjoy the feeling whether I was alone or not. And I feel that again now. Course I want to get on the phone or something to confirm it. But then I'm expecting some person to fill this place I feel inside. But I know that's a choice I need to make.

And if I know and accept this is a love and fulfillment that YOU give me. Then I can stop searching and wanting for someone else to fill it.

What did you feel before you wrote? What was the truth you found?

I realized how when I am excited and anticipating someone, I use that to inspire myself. Like I noticed last week I was excited to do engineering work again. Not that I needed the money or anything, but just the idea of providing for someone, or dreaming about it, was enough to get the energy moving again. So as I sat here trying to work now. I thought, oh I can go bike or play "AFTER I WORK" so I could get inspired and excited to get this job done now.

But then I realized I was trying to use someone else to inspire me. While I could be using You. I know the whole trip here is "Heaven on Earth" and loving anyone is really loving You or some aspect of You that we find in someone else. So I really need to get conscious of this fundamental truth. Love is just energy moving. And If I move it for YOU that's better still. I mean it's easy to love someone we can touch and feel. But to Love someone out of reach or Divine . . . is more of a struggle, a challenge . . . . Simply requires a stronger love.

What do you think you are there for? This is what every thing is about for you. When you get clear on this then the love will flow freely again. You need to drop the expectations, the desires, and all that material carnal crap and simply love all that is. Flow with it and get free.

I know. Why do you always make it sound so easy.

Because it IS!

I knew you would say that. . . . But you know just creating it in the imagination makes it so much easier . . . . I guess that's too easy? I mean, creating a dream makes an expectation . . . While we brush away the butterfly that is present now. So I can always love anyone. And I've been afraid of that since I let people in that are selfish and dangerous . . .

What this is for is learning about boundaries, not cutting it off. Simply brush their dust from your sandals and move on. Don't close off to everyone and build up walls around you. There is a big difference there. One is Loving, and the other is not.

I know, so I've been through a lot and allowed too much.

What you are thinking about now as "too much" with Rachel, saved her life. She was a warehouse grunt, and now she's becoming a nurse, loving others and saving lives. Even Cathy who you feel used you, went from a dangerous junker car in a hateful space full of gossip and deception to a peaceful job, a new car and attending church a few times a week. Son you judge these things from your own selfish perspective and miss the important aspects completely. All people you meet are blessed, no matter what you think about it. And if you could love and let love, you might find that peace and joy a lot easier. . .

Ugh, I know, but do you have to rub my face in it?

What are you talking about. We simply told you this time. No bat, or holes in your walls or anything else. Boundaries are important. You can not love and respect anyone else if you allow them to walk all over you and you ignore the love and respect for yourself. REMEMBER to Love God with all your Heart and Soul and to Love your neighbor as yourself . . . . YOU ARE the Temple to God. Loving God is about Loving Yourself. NOT selfishness and greed, but LOVE and Respect. You need to know your place and your limits. So loving your neighbor needs to fit into those same limits.

One is not possible without the other. As you are finding now, they really grow from each other. As you want and desire for another you find this love you want to share. But you know it's Your OWN, and needs to be clear for yourself long before it will be any use to anyone else . . . . That means no conditions. Not some one, some smile, some single dream you defined for yourself. Limits are fine and boundaries are important but accepting each new butterfly that comes along need not mean living in their cocoon. Love YOURSELF first! If you love cocoons then fine, but if you belong in a house by the river, in Tampa, so You can build countless improvements to the infrastructure for people to live more easily . . . . Then recognize the cocoon, honor what it is for them, and accept and make clear that it's simply not for you. . . Respect them as well as respecting yourself . . . Not compromising one for the other but loving both equally.

Why do you make it sound so easy . . . I know, I know. . .

What this is about has been evolving here forever. You are getting closer and closer as you are able to bring these words to everyone as you feel them. The Mayan priests had to bring all the people together and yell and inspire with symbols and rituals that often attendees could not even understand. New knowledge was cut into stones and treasured while countless others continued to suffer through their own foolishness and blind habits. Habits are learned like the animals, that walk the same path to the river each day. When the truth is discovered that the hunter watches the same paths the animal must learn again and break the old habits or die.

Everyone blindly walks the paths for the hunters, very few are able to see this and even fewer are able to speak to them and warn them. At least now the words bounce through fiber around the world a few times where everyone can catch them. Thou so few listen and even fewer help others to see their blind steps into the hunters traps.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please fill me with Your Love, Truth and Strength so I may Fulfill as You have here for me. Help me to heed Your Words and share Your Love all the time in everything I do and say . . . All for the Glory of Father, Son and Holy Ghosts. Amen.
I Love You Dear Jesus Christ. THANK YOU!!!!

New ONE!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What's up?

I'm trying to get started on some Engineering work again. It's really easy stuff, for me I guess. I've been looking it all over to see what I really need to do. But I've not gotten started on it yet. Yesterday was kinda weird

Why?

I guess, I had some heavy things to write about and think about. Not really I guess, lol. . .

Why play it down now, it was what it was. Just let it be.

I guess so, but I wrote all this out over dinner. And when I got home it was all gone, so I rewrote it all. And then posted it really late last night. I'm not sure if I got everything out or if I missed something I needed to write. So I guess now I sorta feel like something is missing somewhere. Course I have no idea what or where. Nor do I have any clue what to do about it. I guess I get kinda dizzy like this when I forget to eat . . . lol . . . but I kinda just finished breakfast, and still have half of my coffee here. So I think it is something else?

What else do you need to do?

I still need to finish my paper. And I guess that is getting clearer to me now as well. Funny I changed the radio station to CMRadio.net and BarlowGirl is on with "Harder than the First Time" and it really just feels good . . . lol . . . I like the Mix they play here. I had their Spirit station on before, but switched to the Mix. It really rings stronger and clearer for me . . . I always get pumped more with music that is current, stuff that everyone feels and listens to comes through stronger than ever for me. I always felt that I connected to everyone else this way . . . lol, guess that's why live music and dance clubs are almost erotic for me . . . Course I only share that with YOU!

Were you ever going to change that? It's ok to get the connection and enjoy it, but you know more people are getting connected to Spirit, so when are you going to try doing them both? Connecting to Spirit and to people isn't hard at all. And you've done it a bit before. Course when you dance it was too powerful for you to even talk. But you can do a lot more now than you used to. So why don't you try it?

I know, but I never can get out alone . . . Or at least can't do any more than stay alone, if I go out alone. Hum, funny, I think about the last chant I did and asking the ladies all out to dance. It would really be kinda fun. And at least get me out again.

What are you waiting for?

I know I can. Ok I'll try. I can call or visit later today and see what they are doing tonight. I'm sure it'll be fun and they will laugh just at me asking. While going out will be just erotic. People today are afraid of someone alone. While a guy hanging with girls is like a safe target . . . lol . . . . Course I'm always a target for everyone . . . lol . . . but I can get up with it. And just the thought makes me excited and want to move more, like get his engineering done!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank YOU!

A visitor

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word! 239pm

What happened today?

I stopped by to visit Beth and Pam, they had left some things at my house Monday. Then I stopped by the office and they hadn't moved yet, waiting until Monday. So I went to the library and all the comfy seats were taken so I came here to the bookstore Starbucks instead. So I got online and checked my email. And then I thought to check my PC at home so I logged into it too and someone sent me a IM note there . . . She had been reading my blog, and wrote to say "hi."

Then she asked me about STARS and helping kids and said how she reads this blog over with some friends . . .

What's that?

I know using the IM is so cool, since I can check what she wrote EXACTLY, instead of guessing on a memory or some interpretation . . . lol . . . "[Thursday, July 27,2006 12:32:PM] me amd my friends read it and laugh because its funny how REAL you are"

Hum, makes me want to check out these numbers . . . what's Thursday?? M1, T2, W3, R4... hum so Thursday, July 27,2006 12:32:PM is 4, 7 27, 2006 12:32 => combining each one first: 4, 7, 27, 2006, 12, 32 = 4 7 9 8 3 5 => then combine by two's second 11 17 8 => then there is only three so 2 8 8 . . . . 18 => 9 . . . Which is really neato . . . completion cycles How appropriate . . . . and I love nines anyway, since they are 3x3 . . . and three 3's is better than one 3 . . . lol. . . Like the ONE isn't enough already. . . lol. . . we needed all three to figure it out here. . .

Why's that?

I guess everything this week has been about some major shift from the old to the new. . . Completions that You've made clear to me. . . WOW, all getting MORE REAL!!!

And then last Thursday when we met I said how I had blogged about it and so I had to read it to them. And they said it was cool how "real" I was in my blog too. So today I said how weird to have someone say the blog was "real," since I seem to be the same way all the time too me. I mean it's sometimes easier to write than talk, and I always prefer emails to phones so I can get the important stuff out there accurately instead of getting lost in some rambling, distracted by all the energy I build up with someone. Course a conversation wont have any typos thou. . . lol . . And if it's a lady I'm attracted to, I want the conversation more than anything so I CAN get lost in all the energy!!!

But I can never start a conversation like that. No one can be real anymore. . . we all have this fake role we play. It's always such a struggle when it's someone I'm really attracted to. So maybe it is a struggle because I am so real? Like too real? But then I'm never very emotional and when speaking everyone says I always seem to ramble on about nothing, never really getting to the emotions that connect to people. Course I know I ramble a lot when I write too. And I guess it's trying to express emotions instead of really feeling them and letting them express as they are . . . oh weird, writing feelings is as hard as expressing them as they are . . .

Wow do I like really avoid expressing emotions?

What do you think we are always asking you? We have to ask over and over before you get real about what you are really feeling.

I guess so. Which kinda reminds me about the 4th, when I rode my bike home thinking it was just too good to be true. "How could anyone really understand me?" Which was what I felt when I read the #9 message above. "What people can actually understand me?"

SHIT PLEASE TELL ME!!! . . . lol . . . Like I never have any clue at all!

But I knew how I felt the 4th.

And just the understanding was enough to make such a strong love. I mean she could almost ask me anything and I couldn't hesitate. And I knew it was my own choice and my own feelings that made it happen. None of this would mean anything to her. She's struggling to understand herself still. Wow while I've always just dominated myself, and have seen and dealt with her struggles countless times!

WOW, this is really too weird.

What else did you find now?

Today we talked about how sometimes we just don't want to call anyone or do anything and then just feel guilty for being lazy and get down on ourselves. Course I said how I accepted that all life is like a sine wave, and we always have the ups and downs. So when I'm bored at home being lazy, it is really as valuable as any other time since we need a rest and chill time too . . . and I said how soon we'll be on the top of the wave crest again running around like crazy . . . so the chill times are necessary too. I always say how it's the calm before the storm! Since I know this chill time is nothing compared to the chaos I see all the rest of the time!!!

Course as we spoke I thought about taking months and years to chill, and never feeling guilty since I know I aint going anywhere and nothing can happen without me anyway . . . lol . . . wow that's so fucking arrogant . . . Which explains why I never said it . . . lol . . . BUT, I LOVE IT, my life, of course nothing will happen without me in my life . . . lol . . . and even said how I wanted to go out and eat to chill now tonight. Which really is like the perfect chill-time for me, since I don't have to cook and can have someone do everything for me just the way I like it. . .

I left school at about 4.30 and I went to the Outback again. The Amberback keg was even fresh . . . lol . . . They don't have wireless, so I blogged in word. But now at home I need to rewrite it all over again . . . lol . . . I forgot to save it or something??? Ok, I confess since the 4th I've blogged in word a bit, since things were getting too intense.

What's that?

I met someone who understood me on the 4th. She's really cute too, but going through hell and struggling to come to terms with a breakup and all kinds of shit. But we connected and she understood me perfectly no mater what I said. So like message #9 above I was just totally floored on the 4th. Like understands me?? Is that finally possible again?

What's the feelings?

I know, I know! So on the 4th when she understood, I was just falling over myself, and loving the sensations inside of me. I told her we needed to get married and start having kids. Course she laughed asking if I heard the reading Chris gave her earlier. . . So then I had to admit how the connection and understanding was so awesome for me that several times through the night when I looked into her eyes, I felt into so much and just wanted to kiss her.

She was flattered, and said I was brave to even tell her that. But it was clear that couldn't happen to both of us.

What DID YOU FEEL?

SO ANYWAY, when I rode my bike home on the 4th after this wild conversation all night I felt totally in Love with this person. And I LOVED how it felt! I just felt really good inside. And of course I know she's busy in hell for now, so whatever I feel aint going to involve her. But as I rode . . . wow, this is funny too. . . we've shared a few bike rides since then . . . But now it feels like the first moment down the hill to my house as I let go of the handle bars and sit back on my bike to feel the wind through me . . .

FEEL What???

I know! I guess it's just the SAME LOVE and JOY that I feel NOW as I play in this BLOG with YOU, RIGHT NOW! It just gets so intense! SO CLEAR... AND REAL!

aaaahhh good, Whatelse?

I just felt so wonderful! I mean, I know where she was at, we all have to go there sooner or later. And I can honor that as it is, no problem. I can even help out, or be here for her as she deals. . . but what was so cool as I felt the wind through the trees going home I just KNOW it was ALWAYS MY CHOICE!!

I decided I could be IN love and I could know the fantasy of Family and Children again. And I could just savor that in myself. And nothing would ever become of it, EXCEPT I FEEL WONDERFUL!!!! And that was important for me and maybe enough for now.

What esle did you write about your kids at dinner?

oh, since the 4th we've biked a bit and talked a lot more. So this one time talking about God only knows what . . . I remembered when Emily and Christopher were born and how I was there with them the day they left Christ to be born to us. Like coming from the spiritual world into the Earth like we all do. And I PRAYED with them to Christ. Even Chanted with my daughter "I love you Lord Jesus, I love you Lord Jesus, I love you Lord Jesus, I love you Lord Jesus, I love you Lord Jesus" as she was in the NICU. . .

And so I realized that I had this total understanding and Spiritual Connection with my children that was so AWESOME. Like they never left GOD, and ALWAYS kept that Spirit ALIVE with me and themselves. Funny I remember when the shit started with Emily and Christopher was fighting it all the time and one night he told me he couldn't hear my mother as much anymore.

I mean, mom said she was leaving to watchout for them. Though I really had no clue what they were dealing with . . . lol . . . Ok sure I knew exactly what it was, and even told them! But they just thought they had enough power to control it. . . lol . . . guess we all have our lessons. . .

What did you need to write about tonight?

I have no clue of course... so I went back to the beginning to read what I wrote. . . and that nine is really strong
4, 7 27, 2006 12:32 = 4 + 7 + 27 + 2006 + 12 + 32 = 2088 = 2+0+8+8=18 => 9
4 7 9 8 3 5 => 27 = 9
11 17 8 => 36=9
2 8 8 = 18 => 9

What's "completion" all about with the 4th?

I remember riding away thinking how awesome it would be to be in love with someone who wanted kids, and a relationship, but not the "ball & chain" bs from our culture. I mean no control freak BS about "she's my property now" or any of the unconscious crap people put on relationships. But just a love and respect and understanding of the truth there . . . . creating true family again . . .

What was the FEELING?

I know, so I felt like completion! I guess I felt like I was ready to fall in Love again and I was ready to finish all this stuff that I do. Oh daaa . . . I FELT YOU WERE BACK!

We really never left you. But you found and felt how that life of Love and Freedom could exist in you NOW and YOU CHOSE to make it REAL!

I guess so. I mean I really have felt more grounded and connected to a whole lot more lately. 12.01am wow.... Feels like "Completion" again . . .

What do you need?

I never really need anything BUT YOU! Oh I guess I need to get my paper done, and get to sleep now, and find a lover, instead of just falling . . . lol . . . like the Russian chick that I knew never was really there.

What else?

I need You to Fill us with Your Strength Power and Wisdom so we may Fulfill Your Glory!
I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You for BEing!
Amen.

change

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I have too much to do, and things are still happening too fast. I can see into too much too easily. I'm always reading into things too deep and need to chill more.

Why, you are always very clear. There is nothing here that you need to concern yourself with. You try not to get into too much, but that only gives you more power for the few you do choose. You keep it all centered and focused on you that nothing else matters. You create more and more this way . . . . . You make so many things happen all around you that no one has a clue about anyway.

I don't have a clue either . . .

What you are doing is trusting all you see and feel. That's fine. If everyone did this we would all have a lot less troubles on Earth. Don't worry about what others do or don't do. Suffering is necessary to bring clarity. All you can do is exactly what you are doing. You can share and love as you are inspired. If that doesn't work it's really not your concern, you did your part. Don't be discouraged. Stay strong and clear, there is plenty more you can do and share.

I know, but it just gets old . . .

Son everything takes time, that is what you are dealing with. It's a world of people. Not all are as ready to move on as you are. This is not your problem. Some people can read the writing on the walls around them, while others just build more walls and hide more, ignoring what you see and find as plain as anything as you pass through all walls. Son it's always a choice. Praise God for those who choose, while those who hide and refuse to choose will simply find another lesson. Let it Be.

I know we are all there in the same place.

What you need to know is that every effort you make creates countless changes. Like the stone in the water, those ripples just keep going and going. Never underestimate your place and power. You have desires and responsibilities. Stop trying to force one before the other. You have never been in need. You know that what ever fantasy you perceive today will be surpassed tomorrow.

That is power son. You are growing and sharing what you need to do. Don't limit yourself and anyone else's limits are their problem not your own. You know where you are going and what you are doing. No worries, Be happy.

I know, you always make it sound so easy. And I know it's not limited by anything, I just want things done. . .

You know "done" is not happening this time around. You will not see that, you just start things, and you keep starting things. More and more all the time. Some stay and some go, either way you will continue to enjoy more. Stop trying to push so much, just take it all as it comes.

I know, I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please fill me with your Strength, Love and Wisdom so I may Fulfill your Glory. . . .

What you need to remember is that this prayer you just wrote is not about limitations or settling with less. It's all about pushing beyond all limits and achieving such that very few can ever even comprehend. It's about MAKING things happen and change at such a scale that all your immediate circumstances and needs simply fall away as dust from your sandals. You have witnessed Divinity, You are able to Create Divinity. This is an awesome gift that you need to share with greater discernment and respect.

I guess so. . . . Thanks Amen :-)

Moven' More

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word! 12.55pm

What's wrong?

I'm not sure. Everything is really cooking and I know it. I feel it in my hands and feet. Too much energy moving again. I didn't chant hard enough last night.

What do you mean?

All week I knew I couldn't sleep without Chanting, so I've been trying to get it done early. Last night I went to sleep early instead and popped up around 3am. I was tired and not wanting to do anything, but I Chanted anyway. Not all out, but certainly clear and focused. I guess not doing it "all out" is what I mean by not "hard enough"...

What do you feel?

I guess I'm feeling the power moving on the earth more. And I know this just means there is more for me to do. It's kinda funny for me I guess. Like some people feel stuff and get all tied into it all, while I just watch all this stuff moving by me, and pitch in little bits and pieces as I can once in a while.

Like Friday John invited me to a book discussion Dr. Nord set up for the Management Department or Sustainability group . . . I really just watched the dynamics back and forth in the discussion. Interesting enough two people referred to me by name in some point they were making. I almost felt like my name was just easy to say or something, but it was specific about something I did. They are looking to get into some more research and create something as a team. Which is really kinda cool and what I do all the time anyway.

The discussion was about Ray Anderson's book "Midcourse Correction" which was kinda an overview of his experience and ideals. Someone even referred to it as the Bible or the preachings of Anderson . . . while no sound specific "blueprint" for doing it was provided.

Course my own feeling was that here we have all the senior professors on the subject in one room, and we should be formulating the blueprint here. I never said this. Course I felt how my report for John was sorta about what we should be doing too.

What do you feel about that report now?

I guess I want to change some of it. It's not where I want it to be yet. Maybe I just need to keep writing and see where it goes. I'm not sure, kinda wait and see I guess.

Why? 5.01pm

I don't know, so much to read, so much to do. . . . I'm ready to go to sleep. I know I've not had any lunch, and I should be making up my salad stuff. But I'm still ready to sleep. Reading stuff gets so boring after a while. I feel like I am reading all of the time. So much to do and so little time . . . lol . . . wow, I've said that all my life. Even when I get bored with things. Course I shouldn't since it's all about what I am doing. Creating change and shifting ideas and such is so easy and even boring to me, while in fact so much still needs to be done . . . lol . . . . . work work work, lol . . . . all I ever do. Even when I go out and have fun.

I was talking about that today. Talking to the trees. They even want things from me. Cut off all the vines. Chant to the Earth with the Tree, or hug and pet Bear as I'm against the Tree. Demanding aren't they. Like I couldn't just do a normal thing like sleep in the shade of the tree. . . lol . . . I need to do some special tasks and work for them too.

What would you rather do?

I don't know . . . Sleep. Course I've not been writing my dreams lately. And this morning I noticed I was in the old city again. No little dragons, but lots to do there too. I recognized the same scene over and over again. Even got up and went to the bathroom as this dream continued inside of me.

What now? 1am

I'm seeing more power and focus all the time. lol . . . . Like I never need to look for these things they just come out of the woodwork for me. It's really bizarre. Everyone needs clearing and grounding . . . . Like I realize I'm not doing it enough. It's funny, like I need to do it for the whole Earth, which is really intense when that happens. But then individuals ask me to for them as well like what happened last night. I can feel so much moving all the time. And then I transform it and that's always really cool.

Like last night, wow did I sweep up a mountain of stuff clearing some people. It was like great big piles of stuff. Then I pulled it in and through my chakras and it got to be this big heavy mass I dropped into my heart. I guess it's like taking all the karma and transforming it back into the light of God. So I dumped it back into my heart and down into the Earth. And lifted it up again.

Course I was only half way through and felt like I was taking too long. And then Bear came right up to me right as I brought up the energy from the Earth Again. Perfect timing. So I spilled it all into him, filled him up with reiki and got him all charged up. Which was really kinda neat. I've spilled energy into him before. But I never knew how it could dissipate from right in the middle of the process. I guess I've been distracted before and lost it. But this was really kinda cool.

What else did you do?

I went to Pam's Birthday party with John. He enjoyed it a lot too. Lots of food, Chris cooking again and people brought all kinda of goodies. Then Beth, Lou and Karen decided to get in the jacuzzi. Oh I need to get in there now. So I found the old speedo swim suit in my truck and climbed in too. It was kinda embarrassing, I always feel like a fatso. lol . . . . Course everyone does that to themselves anyway.

What did you feel?

I felt wonderful. Full of peace and joy. I just wanted to chant and sound all night long. Chirping with the frogs and moving all the energy . . . . It's like family, back home or something. Which is funny, I thought of inviting Chuck and Joni out to Pam's Compound next time she does something. Get all the family together. . . lol. . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for your Grace Love and Wisdom, please Lead and guide me to fulfill your glory. . . . Amen.

Independence Day ! ? ! ? ! ?

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word! 1.15am

What did you do?

I wrote about 5 pages on the PhD thingy. It's just the introduction. But wow, it's coming along and I think I know where it is going. Existing business models => Mechanism to create Greed. Proposed business models => environment . . . . However nothing is addressing the true problem => Greed.

What is the True problem?

I know it's all about what is life, what is real . . . So we've conquered the materials, space, nature, even time. . . . all the 3d existence is boring and overdone now. A Paradigm shift is when we realize we don't need this stuff. You want Paradigm change so if all mankind stopped using money or paper what would happen to the world. No more bribes, no more property or ownership, no more contracts and control. Your land, your neighborhood, and your skills work only for you. Talent and knowledge lead not paper in a bank. So the paper industries stop eating up our forests. The miners stop invading our wilderness. The citizens go back to caring for each other. Trade and commerce start with just immediate needs locally.

What about feeding millions of people, will cities just close down and people flock to the empty lands?

I really don't know. The conception of a paradigm shift is people recognizing that the problems are ours, not someone else. No one is coming to help. Superman is only in comic books. So if we want to eat and we want to survive we are the one's who need to make things change. Sure we can all forget the cash and stop the trading. . . Florida could be a new Indian Nation cut off from everyone. But then no one can get any fertilizer and they all starve to death.

Or we get conscious and do what is right for everyone. Not just IMC, Smithfield, Exxon and the Bush's. Mankind getting conscious is the paradigm shift. Not theocentrism, not Gaia worship, not just freedom but fulfillment . . . all mankind, shares consciousness, combining thecentrism, Gaiaism, democracy (not bueracracy) transparency, and truth.

What was that?

It's the true problem . . . greed is a desease like Affluenza, they are only stopped when the truth comes out. The American Machine is lost, doing something we needed to do to create enough technology for us to change it. Change, and Paradigm shifts are created when consciousness shifts. We learned the world is flat, so we stopped flying around the world. We have a new truth and we act on it. We change! The Paradign of greed and corruption have served their purpose. WE CAN ALL SEE THAT! It is not useful anymore. We don't need it anymore. We need to get real about the TRUTH! We need to make this change ourselves, we need to decide, YOU need to decide!

What's that?

I guess it's back to the true problem, leaving You out. We search and we struggle desperate for more. You created us, You Live through us, and our only Truth is to reach and Attain YOU! Everything else is wasted effort and unsatisfying. I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You for sharing today with me . . . . Please lead others to this Love You share! Amen.

Match the cure with the spirit inherent in our decisions.

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word! 3.09pm

What's up?

I'm really not sure. I finished my test Monday. . . . and then spent yesterday catching up on loose ends. I still need to check some more model stuff for FEES, but I know I need to write up something about my PhD research.

What will that be?

I guess I know it's something about shifting paradigms.

What do you feel about it?

I feel like it is reflected in everything I do. Like on the way home yesterday I visited Mary and she told me what I've been hearing a lot lately. I need to be teaching and sharing more. If I know something about clearing energy and regenerating karma, then I need to get busy with it. I told her what happened with DJ and she almost sounded ready to attend church on Sundays too. So then we talked about the meeting with the other ladies and I realized it might be best if I do it all at my house so we can really connect to the power and focus we need.

What did you feel about this?

I guess I felt the ladies in charge thing again. It was like we needed to start it more grass-roots before it could catch on everywhere else. Course then I see all these other connections and things shifting everywhere.

What do you need to do now?

I guess I need to get busy on some engineering or PhD stuff or something... 3.17pm

8.45pm What now?

I started the PhD thingy and it's really cool. I guess I'm sorta documenting what I already know. Course then I read over this Starcke Letter and felt more power and connection than ever to what I was doing. Then I wrote to the leading ladies to set something up and got a reply already. I sometimes wonder what's that all about?

What do you think you've been doing? Your PhD research and all the rest you do are more connected than you realize. You need to look at what you say and share with others, like what is the poem you sent today?

I just referred someone to the Little Child poem you gave me for the first website...

Why don't your reread it all again...

If we are to be grateful that we have a consciousness that has brought about all the material and personal blessings that we possess then we also have to accept the fact that all the disagreeable or painful experiences we have experienced are also products of our own consciousness.

reminds me... Read the Little Child poem 1/2 down:

The little child whispered,"God, speak to me"And a meadowlark sang. But the child did not hear. So the child yelled,"God, speak to me!" And the thunder rolled across the sky. But the child did not listen. The child looked around and said,"God let me see you" And a star shone brightly. But the child did not notice. And the child shouted, "God show me a miracle!" And a life was born. But the child did not know. So the child cried out in despair,"Touch me God, and let me know you are here!" Whereupon God reached down and touched the child. But the child brushed the butterfly away, And walked away unknowingly.

Often times, the things we seek are right underneath our noses.

Don't miss out on your blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect!

Ok so???

What did you read in the Kabbalah the morning?

I read about a simple exercise that no one can do . . . Just breathing and clearing the mind to think of nothing. How long can you go with no thoughts. . .

What's this all mean?

I guess for most people all the thoughts are trained to be feelings and sounds and sensations instead of just Your Presence. While Starcke spoke about how we need to get into our Higher Selves . . . into You, beyond the objective physical manifestations we are and see all around us. WHICH I guess is the whole point of my PhD thingy, coming to the terms of the truth. The subjective deep internal truth where You are always present and part of us. That's really what is missing everywhere. It's something so very basic and simple that it just is beyond reach. I guess that's what I really find in the PhD Article I need to write. It's about pulling together the very obvious and simple for me . . . . But putting it into another context . . . into another realm.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for your Truth Love and Wisdom, Please continue wit me and us all for your Glory... Amen. 11.07pm

Jul 12, 2006 Transiting Mercury Conjunct Natal Moon

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!
8.11am INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS
Get in there and relate what you feel. Use descriptive, emotionally charged words. Delete logic. How else will they understand? Presenting thoughts about feelings in an emotionally charged conversation leads to unnecessary pushing to the deepest depths of feelings. These pushes create bruises. Bruises force sharp and hurtful words forward. The simple solution is to state feelings as feelings, and thoughts as thoughts. Corral all your feelings to the conscious mind. Make notes before critical emotional showdowns. Know what the emotion feels like before describing it.

What are you waiting for?

I sometimes get nervous because i know anyone could read this. Then I also know that only those who need it will ever find it or take the time.

What's the big deal...

I guess i'm still hiding from all that I feel. Like yesterday Beth and I went biking around. We went down the hill from her house around a corner and right into Patterson Park. She had never been there, and immediately went right for the tree. . . . I would have followed her right up too, like we were both in 3rd grade again. It was just really so cool. Told her about the old rope swing, and we sat and chatted for a while.

She's ready to do a lot more professionally. I guess I've told her about the open house at the treehouse, the Sacred Gatehring and Virato's Visit . . . never mentioned Everett's but before about Neil. . . so she's all into meeting CathyLMT and Jiwan about setting up workshops.

Where are you going with this. . . .

I guess it's someone trying to get real about who they are and what they are doing. I told her about the Team Building thing that Suzi went over for me, and what she thought. I guess it's really all the things that I need to do and think about too. I got a call from Kim about Stonelake. And I realized how I created the job and work I wanted. And how she was in the same place.

Whatelse?

I guess Suzi, and Cathy are too. . . . lol. . . all wanting the make the business more secure and lucerative. 8.33am

She called now wondering about taking the dogs out in the feild. . . lol... sounds great, let's go!

1pm What do you really feel about where this all started?

Intimate Conversations . . . Sure we always have powerful intense conversations. What would be the point of anything else. But this is exactly why we are having them. We are ready to do and have more. And there is no reason why we can't hve it all. We want family and business and to change the world and make it all better for everyone. It's not a big deal. WE CAN, there is no reason to limit or hold back. We have all our dreams... all the little toys we want and like...

What do you feel... get in there and relate what you really feel.

I always feel like we need to do it now. Like anything we hold back on is a mistake. If we have the inspiration and we feel the light and power then we need to respond and be fully in it. Wow that's pushing it a lot isn't it.

Whatelse would you be doing? Isn't that what you are here for, so what if it's challenging and almost overbearing. You've spent millions of years getting ready for this. And nothing will stop you . . . . EXCEPT YOURSELF!!! Do you want to make things happen. The next opportunity might not be for millions of years. Sure time means nothing to you and you can come here until you get it right. Sure there is always a choice. Right or wrong choices, never matter since you get to the same place anyway....

But WHEN will you have Learned all these lessons already?

When will you Make the Right Choice, so you can build and create instead of experience another lesson. It's always your choice, and you will always come back here again and again, until you get it right and go on somewhere else. Are you ready for something else. What would be your top ten now? Do you need a white picket fence or just the children? Do you need them both or do you need to lead and teach others? Will you lead by doing, or just dream about it . . . while you do something else . . . it's always your choice, just like choosing to share or not share things. You have the gifts to share, so what if not everyone is ready. . . . remember they will only see what they are ready for and if something scares them. . . let them run and hide until they are ready. Everyone comes when they are ready, you can only show the way... Just like that's all we can do for you...

I know, Please fill me with your Guidence and Strength so I may continue in Your Way for Your Fulfillment . . . Thanks! I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Amen 1.19pm

7/9/2006 6.24pm

7/9/2006 6.24pm
Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I'm nervous

Why?

I've been asking for too much . . .

What do you mean?

I can just feel all these different things coming to me all at once.

What's new about that?

I guess nothing at all. Except maybe I'm a bit more conscious and careful about what I wish for.

What is that?

I Know, I'm wanting some conclusions, like seeking results, with school, and kids, and research and patents, and more kids . . . lol . . . and like these other things You've given me to do.

What are you ready for this world to change?

I guess so. 6.34pm

What will it become?

I gues whatever we want?

What do you want?

I want more love, and peace and joy. . . . Told Chuck today we need to create more family. No more barriers. lol... never said that, lol... called him to get prices for wastewater reuse forcemains and Farms for Class...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please fill me with your Grace Love and Truth do I may fulfill you Glory Amrn.

Ohm Namah Shiva!!! Ohm Namah Shiva!!!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What happened?

I wrote Reverend DJ last week about needing to CHANT more, and wanting to make a deal with her. Like she could give me an hour Sunday morning and I could Video Tape her sermons or join the choir. So I sent her a quick email asking about us meeting, not giving her any details.

Today after Church she held a new member meeting. Which I stayed for, I was surprised to see Chris, Ron, Pam and Laura there too. At the end someone else asked her about waking up at 3am. So she talked about all these things she's had to do to get some sleep.

Course I couldn't say anything. I had the Chant Brochure in my pocket that she told me to make... hum?? 5 years ago? Wow! And I know we need to move the energy more or we'll never be able to sleep. Yes, I'm really guilty, because I still can't sleep AT ALL... and haven't been Chanting like I should. I did some quick easy 5 minute thing, and get to sleep after 2 or 3am.... But I know I need to move some serious energy if I want things back to normal.... especially with no indians doing it anymore....

What did you feel and see now?

I Know, I've been nervous to Chant because it's Hurricane season and all the African Indians have been killed for the Diamonds, Gold and Oil... So I saw this big Hurricane coming in... like bigger than the Gulf and hit the Chemical industries there... no more New Orleans, 1/2 of Texas gone... like billions dead this time since the feds were somehow able to hide the millions missing last time. You know they couldn't conduct their wars if there is that much loss of life in the US. All the Citizens would be freaked. So this time it had to be their lives and livelihood all blasted to pieces...

What happened in Church?

Well DJ was talking about how fast the church was growing and how much more they had to do to keep up. Mentioning extra services and videos. So Chris in the back of the room said how Eric could help do that. lol... Yes of course I can... lol... Like did he read my email, that never said anything about videos anyway. . . lol. . .

What happened next?

I was able to talk to DJ again a bit. I gave her the Brochure, which she remembered anyway. And I told her I needed to start doing this. I could be there early on Sundays... Chant and then setup for videos. Easy stuff for me. . . Then I could get Chris set up in my office so he could make movies and build websites . . . Oh and for that matter we can put it all onto my server, since I have a broadband line here anyway. Yes she is very interested in talking more, and also knows I need to be doing a lot more than I am. . .

What do you feel now?

I am almost relieved to get this all out of my system. I knew I needed to write some of this down before. But I never knew how it would all come out... It's really weird... Like I felt that Beth and Kim would also be in the new member meeting there with me if they were in town. Here I've known DJ for years, and thought they were all old members while I was the new one, and now I find something different.

What do you feel ?

I know, you just don't quit do you . . . I missed seeing someone. Again I'm trying not to think about her too much because then I get excited and want more or start dreaming about things . . . lol . . . That will put too much power there . . . as if there could ever be too much power there.

What?

I know, it's like last week I had some engineering work to do, and I actually wanted to do it. I was looking for the extra cash so I could play more. . . lol. . . Yes I know I'm feeling a lot more than just play time. Like I have a reason and responsibility where I need to be making some extra cash to take care of things . . . . AND I'M NOT saying anything more. But it really feels good to want to take care of someone . . . guess it's wonderful to want and desire . . . and to be real enough about it all to want to reach out and try more . . . . All things come in time, and it doesn't seem like forever anymore. . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your Grace Love and Wisdom. Please fill me with your Strength so I may fulfill Your Glory. Amen.

I'm falling Harder

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I'm up all night again? I had planned to meet with John for lunch and then Kim after lunch. Now both rescheduled so I could see Beth instead? Wow that's weird?

Why, what else could you want?

I guess I could say I wanted her here . . . lol. . . But after John called to reschedule, she knocked on my door. LOL!!! She went for a walk with Pam, so she was here! Course not now, lol . . . but that would just be too much. Getting Dreams is kinda a slow process . . . LOL . . . I guess I'm kinda experienced at this stuff . . .

I see your face, I see you close, the Love you always show me... I didn't see you, Oh God I want to... You come alive... And I think I'm falling Harder than the first time by BarlowGirl on CMRadio.net

I know this vibration inside of me is getting stronger. Wow, you know Suzy dropped in and told me about this stuff. VACATION, gotta take care of yourself or you are useless to everyone anyway. Oh sure she's right, but she kinda had to make it really clear. lol. . . Knock it into my head . . . Wonderful Vacation, perfect insight and sharing. Got me going to a Church where I belong again... Sharing something WORTHWHILE!!!

What happened next?

I then realized what I really wanted. lol . . . I guess it was the Russian Spam I got. Sure I knew it was SPAM email, but I was inspired and had to really think and Dream about what I wanted. . . .

What do you expect then? You are not stupid, why do you need people to knock on your door? This is YOUR DREAM, You are making it happen. Just like all you are doing now.

I know, so Beth was so clear and real on the 4th. Too good to be true, and as I rode my bike home I thought of how nice it felt to feel like the Dreams are within reach. Usually I'd say "Naaa, never happen" and just let it fade away. But I realized how it felt inside to feel the Dreams within reach. . . .and I liked the feeling, whether it was real or the drunken stupor of the 4th celebrations. So I held onto it. . .

What did you do next?

I wrote about it... lol... yes then Wednesday I was just buzzing all around school. I did the next issue up for John, and got the website up. Then I knew I needed to get ready to meet with him to talk about my own research. I started this Independent Study for the Patel Center and I realized that there aren't any real sustainable companies or models out there. Except maybe FARMING, but that is about gone now, all these factory farms everywhere.

So John told me that it was MY Independent Study, so if I wasn't finding stuff for Patel I better get serious about what I was finding. And the more I explored the more I found. Course I've got gigabytes of research now. So Wednesday I took my laptop to school so I could sit in the Library and read through all this data I found...

So I started with the first Article John gave me, the day we met as I read his Journal: GETTING RIGHT WITH NATURE: Anthropocentrism, Ecocentrism, and Theocentrism by ANDREW J. HOFFMAN and LLOYD E. SANDELANDS from University of Michigan...

What a better place to start with all the stuff I keep seeing and feeling. Course this article using references from other articles John wrote so I searched more and found more. And I started to put it all together and make sense... lol... or try too.

So then StarBucks closed at the Library at 11pm or so,and I went home. But all this stuff was still buzzing through my head. And I had to meet john the next day with something clear and concrete . . . Wow me clear, lol... How could that ever happen.

Oh I know, I'll chant! Wow....Thought I was buzzing already. Turn it up on HIGH. I couldn't sleep at all then. I was up every second scribbling more ideas for the meeting with John. Course I set that as my intention when I chanted, I wanted the energy to go into that. FLASH!!! Wow, vision after Vision. . . . More and more. I couldn't keep up with it all.

I finally got to sleep after 4am. Then got up at about 9am to get ready for the meetings... Which were cancelled as I stated before....

What are you doing now?

I guess I read over what I wrote out last night and then the June issue from this Blog and thought about how I could make sense of all this

What now?

Oh Suzi came online and asked me the same question ... So I made a PDF and sent it to her... wonder what she'll say... laughing I'm sure... lol...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please Lead and Guide me to Your Fulfillment, Amen.

Declaring my Independence

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What's up?

I feel this joy and peace bubbling up inside me again. Oh yea, FREEDOM. Like I declared my independence from some hopeless desire or hunger that was inside of me. I felt this before. Oh, of course I feel this all the time. Love is always so clear and strong and the vision and passion of this truth is always so enlivening.

So what's new?

I guess I need to know that this is a "feeling" that I feel inside of me. And It's wonderful to hope and place this love and desire into someone else. But, I know it's really just a choice I can make inside of me. It's funny, since I've been in school again I've met lots of people. And I really only met a few who's beauty and grace inspired any love and desire.

But, I'm such a space-cadet that I just wont let that evolve into hopes and expectations for meeting, embracing and sharing with someone specific. . . lol. . . funny, I don't even allow it when they step out and smile saying hello. . . . I guess I felt like I had too much else to work on and didn't need any of these distractions. . . lol. . . never know what to say, or some excuse. . . lol. . . Recently however, I've realized I'm only half here, the passion and desire to love asain is really something I need, it is a vital part of me!

And it really feels good to "hope or expect" to share it with someone. Loving is really what we are. People are nothing without Love. And for me to simple assume some beauty and grace is out of reach or not appropriate or something is just defeating myself. We ARE Love, so we are perfectly entitled to Love and Desire for that expression and fulfillment.

Of course I know this. You know this! We all know this. So why do we always cry and worry about what we don't have, missed, or never could have. We ARE LOVE. We can FEEL the LOVE and bliss any time we want. I don't mean just masturbation or anything. The physical is true and necessary too. But in the blind focus on the physical and the "wanting" we just stay in the physical and want. . . telling the universe "give me more want."

While the Love and the Hope create too. The want and selfish physical destroy VS. the Love that Creates more LOVE. So WHEN I STAY IN THE FEELING of Love and joy and peace then I create those for myself. . . Both creating the feeling inside of me. . . And also creating the high vibrating energy and magnetism I need for bring more of it to me.

I remember some speaker David Deida or something, wow good guess. . . lol. . . he spoke at some church or book store I went to. And I remember him describing some intense bliss state of love that everyone was just awed with. Very good speaker and the vibration of the love was so simple and clear in his words. Course I had just split with Kathy and still had this intense high vibration bubbling up out of me. So I asked him about it. Like yea, SO WHAT!!! But what do we do with this extreme power bubbling up when we don't have a partner?

It was so funny. Like all the girls in the room, slowly started to move closer to me, just to soak some up . . . lol. . . One lady even asked me later if I could met her daughter. . . lol. . . (out of state, ;-) It was so funny, David was a little surprised. And I evidently was clear enough, or the truth rang through clear to him that he simply told me to savor it, and stay there. . . .

He said the high vibration would bring someone equally as high. He stopped to caution that something so high was just not common in our culture any more at all, so it might be a while. But if I were capable of maintaining it and staying there, then the wait would be well worth it. Lol . . . I remember he did some workshop kinda thing too. Some one from Church brought me so we became very close friends.

And WE ALL KNOW this, just like Declaring my Independence is really nothing new. Seeing and feeling that power and wanting to share it is Perfectly natural and Normal. . . . but I guess wasting it on a purely physical expression or denying the true feeling, sorta short-circuits the power we send into the universe. So what if we have no partner now. If we are real in our power and truth and vibrate at that High Love level we CAN! Faith! lol . . . Faith in Our Convictions! Not just faking it, or pretending, but REALLY feeling it... lol... Smiling all the time just in Bliss!

Are we convicted to love, or to fear or hiding and blaming others for being alone. . . lol. . . It is a simple choice isn't it. . . lol. . . All that "want" just creates more want. And the Love BRINGS LOVE!!! So what if I hope and Desire for someone, that feels good. Whether it is someone I met yesterday or haven't met at all yet. Either way the Power and Passion is a clear FEELING. And If I stay in the FEELING. . . . lol. . . . I will bring MORE of the same feeling to me!

Course we all know that. . . lol. . . That's the Law of Attraction . . . guess we just need it pounded into our heads . . . . bring more suffering to ourselves until we learn. . . reminds me . . . lol. . . I wanna Dance, I wanna wrap my arms around you and DANCE. . . Dance By Caedmon's Call on the Radio now... OF COURSE!!!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you for Watching over my Family and Friends. Fill us with your Grace Power and Wisdom so we may Fulfill Your Glory. Amen.

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What now?

I am really Loving this time with you. It's so strong and clear for me all the time. Sunday Keith decided to take me to church. He wanted to visit Harmony and have me drive a car out to Christy's in Zepherhills. Kim was sitting in front of us. Course I was charged all morning and drafted a letter to Billy. Hum, I've done that a few times, haven't i?

lol...

So i see how much things are connected again and I'm riding high on it. I know i've got a gazillion things to do again, and I guess I like it.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your Grace, Strength and Wisdom, be with my Children and Mic Sr. with this day. Be with the surgeons and guide them to fulfillment as we each accept This Daily Bread for Your Glory. Amen!

Get Busy!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What do you feel now?

I'm wired, woke up with this great big long dream... And of course I moved around a bit before I finally grabbed my pad, so I didn't get to write it all. So I was at some big party, a social in the courtyard of this big giant glass tower office building. Seemed like we had these all the time. And I remember grabbing some goodies. Always on the sidelines watching, but they had some really yummy goodies shrimp and lobster... munch munch munch... lol... So then I'm signing some form, like another delivery or something, and I notice my name on the bottom with CEO next to it... lol... Of Course I laugh, what else would I do.

What did you feel and see as you got up this morning?

I heard about this Warren Buffet guy giving his billions to the Gates foundation. The two richest men in the USA. So now Gates has decided to retire from Microsoft and spend more time with his Foundation...

What's the point... Come on...

I realized that I was working on a Gates Project already for the Patel Center. I need to develop a sustainable trade model between Panama and Tampa. And I realized that I already had developed it. The only thing really sustainable is education where teachers learn and teach students to be teachers. Course not all the students will become teachers, but like myself, those how recognize they can achieve more as a teacher directing groups of students. . . .

What did you see?

I had my kids working at the Patel Charter School on campus in the Gardens that we built into the new Patel Center. So we built the water system and connected the Center to the school and Mosi and down 4oth to Busch Gardens and the Hillsborough River so all these poor people could move and be productive. And these little kids were running it all. Not arrogant selfish adults, but kids playing around, sharing, teaching leading. . . . .

What about your kids?

I had them helping to set it all up. It's weird, like they were talking to me a lot yesterday, reaching out or something. It felt like they were on their way back. Like even asking if Colleen could come back of course she can. . . . lol. . . hey she left me, I never did anything to her. Even after it all happened she couldn't even find a reason, oh except when the bogeyman exaggerated and made little nothing events into big life or death things. But in fact she assaulted me, threatened my kids and got them trapped now for what, a ton of debt, a new house that will likely start falling apart soon. lol... Yes 3-5 years is all the new houses last in Florida, I'm sure they are already having things breakdown.

What do you feel?

I better get moving, I have a ton to do, as usual. I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please fill my day with Your Strength Love and Wisdom Amen.