What The Bleep!

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What did you do?

Last night Kathy called asking if I could take her shopping. She offered to buy us all dinner so I offered to bring a Movie. I read out the titles I have and she never has seen "What the Bleep." Oh cool? So I drove over and I took her in her car out shopping. Got some Chinese food. When we got back her mom sat and ate with us. I never saw her eat so much before! Then I started the Movie. I realized it was like an intro to all that Mike was talking about on the tape we saw a few days before, so I figured it was perfect for them. This movie was really also before the Secret and introduces a lot that RDJ talks about too.

Course it seemed like they both fell asleep during the movie, so I figured maybe I really needed to see it again, I left it for them to watch it again too. I had told them I really only see movies when it's time for me, and I always learn something. I described how when the Matrix came out I was getting my 2nd BS in engineering school then. And someone in class would call me Neo all the time? I certainly had no idea at the time what he was talking about, everyone always says I look like someone else . . . no biggie! But years later when Matrix 3 came out I finally watched all three of them together, and I totally cracked up. Sure I always feel like I am chasing the white rabbit down the rabbit hole . . . lol. . . just like last night, it's all about "how far down the rabbit hole do I want to go."

What did it really feel like?

I guess it was really all old news. Everything is about my choices, do I want to live in Love and react to everything in Love and see only Love in Everything. Can I stay on this higher path and only feel what I want to feel inside! . . . lol . . . reminds me of what Dr. Miceal Ledwith said how positive thinking is like a shiny thin layer of positive power over a great big mass of negative trash . . . lol . . . So many people live there, never really using positive thinking at all.

What's the point, go on . . .

I was thinking about how much negativity I still have? I mean I still think of the weirdest things and flash into the most obscene violent solution to things.

What do you focus on, or what happens with this?

I can recognize when my mind runs off with some obscene scenario for "resolving" something . . . BOOM!!! But I always just trash it. I avoid thinking of it in detail or just remove the energy. I figure it's like left-overs from before my accident. Back then I would follow these scenario's to control everything and everyone. It was easy to use all that whenever I wanted to. But now I really just pay no attention to it. Sometimes I wonder if it is still inside of me and what I can do to burn the rest of it out. Hum, like last night I was chanting (WOW REAL POWER again) and I kept getting distracted by some ghost or something evil out of place in front of me.

Finally I realized it was just Bear sitting on the pillow in front of me, not necessarily evil, but something different that I didn't recognize at first. I mean I never get to look at or experience any evil spirits or ghosts or anything since they are obviously just terrified of me. This makes me wonder about other things I must have done in past lives. I mean as a kid I never worried about the explosives or anything even when I heard about people blowing up hands and losing eyes. I really was no different than any of them, except that I never made any mistakes and was always in total control of that stuff.

What did this make you feel now?

I guess I felt like the pirate ships I saw in Black Mountain and all how I must have been playing with this power since time began. I'm always the Viking or Pirate or explorer cutting the new turf and doing things no one will ever do. So I guess I must have been really powerful and violent a lot of times over the years. Hum, I can't even remember how many times I've had my life threatened, not just the drugs and explosives as a kid, but also from big marines and all sorts of freaky people since then. lol . . . I guess I even remember one time going to Ybor and just "my look" or maybe how I'm always dancing with the babes on the dance floor; had this big ugly skin head wanting to beat me senseless. Course I knew it the moment I saw him and made my way into the next club to dance . . . course always the prettiest babes are out dancing since they want everyone looking at them.

What's the point, you're rambling again . .

I was wondering if I needed to resolve or bring out something else that I did or carry some negativity with. I remember way back with Sally getting the last angry kid out of me, who was harassed by his dad about playing catch. Course I wasn't even 5 yet and forgiving and releasing my dad, and his dad, and his dad was like the last thing I could find years ago when I did that. And then with doing the Breathing to release with Mike was nearly useless, nothing came out. I did fill out one form that Sunday night to release something, and it might be fun to work that one out, but I'm not sure it's really significant . . . . and it's certainly nothing violent or as far out as the explosives and such.

What does that make you feel now?

I guess I'm done with all that too. I'm sure I can still make some killer . . . oops . . . no pun intended . . . but I really have no need, desire or use. And so whenever I get a little flash about "OH do I know how to deal with this asshole" . . . into some vivid scenario of making him into dust; I really just brush it off as useless gibberish and move on. I never focus there, and never get into the emotions or desire associated with it. I guess revenge is about dead, grief, sorrow, worries. . . naa I still worry a bit, or some of these last inside me long enough to recognize the feelings. But it's certainly not stuff that stays very long. Hum, might want to explore this a bit more . . . hum, maybe I could do that with someone who really inspires powerful emotions in me . . . Hum, Maybe!

Funny I dropped in on Sharon today to chat. Wanted to ask her about some legal stuff, but she immediately asked about someone coming back. Hum, sorta something there, guess I need to talk about that too! No biggie. Oh and Michelle finally decided to go to Emery in Boston. Evidently the best school for it . . . whatever it is she's PhDing into . . . lol. . .

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thanks for your Love and Light Amen!