8:13:10 AM

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

8:13:10 AM

What are you feeling?

It's been three months since I meet Ciera. Thursday I made up an Easter basket for her and took it over to Kabloom to deliver with flowers for Lyn. As I drove past Lyn's office in jacket and tie I wanted to stop in and ask her to lunch. I didn't see her car so I didn’t. That felt like a mistake; so when I got home I called her to ask her to lunch, no reply again, as I blogged about.

I sat and read the Tolle book all day and again on Friday. Kabloom called about a card to include with the delivery to Lyn and I told them about the basket for Ciera with the two cards there. Then I read until about 3pm, when Kathy called. She had a nurse visiting with her mom and wanted me to take her shopping. So we chatted all afternoon. Rev DJ came to visit them Thursday and all sorts of other things going on with her.

When we went to get a video to watch down the road, I finally started talking about Lyn. I told her about sending flowers again and she said I was giving much too much and felt like Lyn was just taking me for a ride and it wasn't right. She asked if I'd gotten a response from the flowers and I explained how last time the reply was a day late since she wasn't there when they were delivered. I explained how we chatted a bit about getting together this weekend, but she likely forgot it was Easter. Then again I said how Lyn seemed to plan out every second weeks in advance but maybe she was out of town again.

Kathy still wasn't too thrilled about how I was being treated but then told me how the two Goddess note with Kristin was perfect making it clear to Lyn that I might not be waiting for her. It was sorta putting the bug in her ear to get things going with me. She said that note was likely why Lyn came in Sunday anyway. Oh well, we’ll see. We then stopped to get pies and some Chinese food for dinner and started heading to her house chatting about other stuff again.

It was almost 6pm already and as we drove over Busch coming down 22nd to her house my phone rang. It was odd of course, my phone never rings. As I dug it out of my pocket Kathy said it was Lyn. Yea sure, I'll believe that then . . . wow, it was Lyn? That's weird?

We chatted for 5 minutes or so. She wanted me to help her move out of her office on Sunday after church. She was resigning from her job. I was really kinda dumbfounded and asked her some really stupid questions. Like did she have something else setup already? Daa, yea of course. Then I told her we needed to really talk sometime . . . oh da, like we could do anything together without talking. Then I asked if she got anything at her office, she said it was closed and no one was there, so I asked for her address. We're emptying her office to bring things to her house so obviously I'll have that on Sunday. So she wouldn't give it to me over the phone.

That was weird . . . obviously not as weird as all the dumb questions that I asked her. She had to rush to get Ciera since they charge her extra for being late. She said she hadn't seen her for a week and planned to spend today in Orlando with her. Of course they had some big Easter dinner to go to on Sunday with her in-laws so we couldn't go to Kathy's together . . . as Kathy invited us that moment as we spoke.

Ok so I'm meeting her at her office Sunday at 1pm or so after church. She wants me to clear her PC too so there is nothing on it for them to snoop through. I'm sure they have no clue she's leaving. So that was it. I asked Kathy whether she had called her in. She said when she gets really emotional about things people can feel it, so her anger and frustration about Lyn earlier at the video store might have triggered something for Lyn. Then I said how I knew Lyn had a lot to clear up and needed to get things straight in her life before anything would develop between us.

I didn't know it was work as well as the ex. But obviously Lyn has been busy clearing things out all over.

What does this all make you feel?

I stayed over to watch The Good Shepard with them last night and got home just before midnight. Another weird movie, feels like all the mystery I have with Lyn, where I basically have NO CLUE!!! I tried to sleep but was really buzzing. The last few days I've felt more distant from Lyn, not getting replies to anything I sent her. She mentioned on the phone that my phone messages were unintelligible and I know my phone is messed up. But not last night. Finally at 1:03 I jumped out of bed to chant. And it was really powerful again, with her sitting in my lap again for some of it. When I got to bed again at 2:21am we were chatting again like nothing ever changed.

I told her I wasn't thrilled with the little games and felt like a puppet on a string. She reminded me that we had chatted the same through the ethers as we always did. It was really my own choice not to see it as the same holy union I had felt all along. I told her how no matter what we did together I liked the ethers too and would want to keep that as well. We got really strong and intense again too . . . 3:03am before I was going to sleep again.

What have you felt or seen along these lines?

I keep seeing us together doing incredible things. Like she starts doing the chant with me all the time and the class at church Sunday morning gets super powerful. Like just us being there together blows things up really powerful. Then Susan asked me to start doing the Kirtan with her and singing at church more. So I'm seeing Lyn and I doing that together too. Like we're always together and working on things we love. Not so much anything new either, but more that she's always with me doing what I do, helping me to do all these crazy things I need to do . . . Like she realized that changing the world will happen faster through me with her love and support than anything she could do anywhere else or anything at all.

What else have you seen?

I started thinking about our meeting Sunday, of course. I called Kabloom and Carmen answered the phone since she saw my name on the caller id. They were closed already, but she answered anyway. They are closed Sunday so they can deliver stuff on Monday. Course Kathy told me to just get it all myself and give it to her on Sunday. Well DAAA, of course!

So I've thought about when I first see Lyn Sunday and she goes to give me a little greeting, kiss on the cheek and a hug. I want to stop her and share some breath and closeness. Like "wait a minute, let me see something" . . . and I just feel her out up close for a bit. Maybe tell her to take a deep breath and blow out an Ohm for me to breathe in . . . Course then I feel how we'll have 4 hours together and might be done moving in one or two. So she might have planned to get physical in her place when we are all done. That's her style to hold out until the last minute of course.

But then she said she would take me to lunch next week if I could help her out on Sunday. I also thought I would tell her I have a favor to ask when we are all done too . . . . then just telling her to move into my house. She could sleep wherever she wants. It's just there is so much power we generate by just being near each other and the whole Earth needs this power whether we are ready to share it at higher levels or not. Her moving into my house, even taking my bedroom and me sleeping in Christopher's will certainly give us more time to get to know each other better. A lot more time, which certainly will lead into intimacy sooner or later.

I keep seeing these different events happening before my eyes. Stopping her at the steps to her office on Sunday to kiss and hug a bit, more getting into her aura again and connecting than trying to get very intimate. Then meeting Ciera again and playing around. That's funny how I've not felt much from Ciera in a while. I'm sure Lyn won't let that happen again until everything else is clear between us.

Then I always feel her having more children. It's like each child she has makes her stronger and sexier so we get more and more erotic and intimate as time goes on. Then I'm running a school playing with the kids all the time instead of doing anything else. Funny, I get to play Mr. Mom since Lyn is having so much fun beating butt in the business world. . . .

I love you dearest Lord Jesus Christ, Thank you for bringing us together and making this into the power and passion that we both need and want!!!!

6:43:13 PM

I’m still really buzzing for Lyn. She knows I’ve been waiting and hungry for her and she feels like she is really looking forward to it, even if it seems that she has the upper hand. It’s really kinda funny, because she does have the upper hand while we are apart, but as soon as we are close again I seem to have the upper hand. I guess that’s why I feel she’s just never really been loved before. Sure she’s been seduced and intimate but people playing with her like an object is nothing like really being in love and passionate with someone.

What do you feel about all of this?

I know we share so much already through the ethers that getting close physically will be almost second nature. Like we won’t have to think or plan anything at all. I remember pulling her legs over me at the picnic and in my Ritual Space and it’s just obvious and right. No thought, no discussion it just IS what it IS perfectly. I guess that is all about Being in the Now and Being real about who we are. It really come very natural for both of us so to do it like this is just what it needs to be.

What else do you feel?

I keep feeling her moving into my house. Seeing her around me all the time and us just goofing and playing like little kids. Ciera loves the whole idea so much and Emily and Christopher will freak with it.

What about school, what are you feeling there?

It’s really almost funny, because she is just so good at these things that I am lost about. While the spiritual stuff she wants to get into is second nature to me . . . just like raising kids, while she’s made having children into an art form as well. I just can feel so much passion welling up inside of me, like I’m going to pop! I mean it is about time we got something going. We met on September 24^th over 6 months ago. And I guess if she’s ready to get moving then we’ll likely be flying through things again.

Why do you say that?

I feel like she is very strong and clear about whatever she does. And when she decides to do something she dives into it fully not half way or anything else. I really admire that of course, and feel it in her a lot.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.