Friday,March04,2005_7:48:53AM

Friday, March 04, 2005
7:48:53 AM
Everything is really weird with this all. Heidi called me twice yesterday and I sorta got the feeling there was more to it. I invite her out any chance that I can and even tell her to bring her children Paul and Rachel. We all went out a few times when my children were here. She hasn’t been spending as much time with them as she wants, while I still just want to have more children.

I've felt like I had a bug in my throat and now remember someone telling me about getting sick with some cough that got really bad. I’ve not been coughing much at all. But I feel this in the back of my throat and have been trying to sleep it off. I missed choir Wednesday night so I could come home and sleep. Then I tried to study yesterday but just slept most of it too. Today we have a presentation to do in the entrepreneurial class which kinda makes me nervous but I guess that's just what it is.


7:52:10 PM
wow, it's 12 hours later and I can write again. I’m trying to study and only am getting myself stressed out. It’s annoying when I can’t stay focused and clear about what I'm doing. I feel like I've been goofing off a lot, but then feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything that I need to do. So it’s really just weird and stressful. And I’m not sure what to do about it all. We had a quick presentation at school and I just raced through the technology side of it. They were rushing us anyway, so that was good since I couldn’t have talked much more anyway. I've really been embarrassed in this class since I don’t seem able to do anything right in it. It’s weird. Everything is really weird. And I’m tired and sick and yucky...

What do you need son?

I need to get this all done for you. The stress and insecurity is really freaking me out. I’m not comfortable and happy with anything that I see or do anymore. I worry about my kids and worry about my classes and worry about who I need to see and who I need to talk to.

No worries be happy; everything is coming around exactly as it needs to be. There is no need for you to get all uptight about it all. We know where you are and what you need to do is exactly where you are. There is a lot there and a lot more coming to you very quickly. There is no fear and nothing to concern yourself with. If you are ready to do everything before you then it will happen. You’re not secure because you don’t have enough faith in what you say and believe in yourself. If you feel something that needs to be done and you don’t do it everything will be fine. No worries, everything comes in time.