Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!
so i need to forgive and forget. say what i feel and drop out of sight

Why not you are free again. how much more will lose before you will just let it flow?

I'm confused again.
thursday's group was weird. i felt like i needed to stop going since i couldn't keep up with all that was there for me now.... adding more just felt stupid. but when i got there the door was closed, so i just stepped to the next open door, which was skalkos of course, as i always would want to see her anyway. as i walked into her office, i realized and said to her how i really had no one else i could say anything to... she told me that was exactly why i needed to go in there. i was charged and excited, going crazy with too much to do. course i told her how all the crazy stuff we talked about was happening now.......

it's always happening now! now is all there is!

so What's the problem then?

I need to ask you that. why is there always so much?

son, you always could do anything. What's important?

I know... i need to do so much still... or i really just need to do something for you. everything must be for you. and i feel like i get lost in other people's greed and desire. . . wanting to help them and lose track of my own.

Wow is that really it finally. i always feel what i need to do. but i don't always follow it through. i get insecure seeking support and reach for others, where i get lost in their drama and forget my own. wow that has really happened all of my life. my dreams inspire others but then i want to follow their lead instead of build my own. so it all dies then. nothing gets done unless we all find our own passion.

now, i feel all the stuff at school coming together. we had a meeting today about the recycling business. . . . and again i just watched as the pieces all went all over. lol... souns like how hanna-west's class has gone too.

What do you feel?

I feel like i can do what i want. . . like the deal with scott and chuck blew up. I guess after their fight at the bar-b-que they both blamed me for the disagreements. I really just watched it happen too. Like I barely participated at all, and let everyone else say their piece. Then when they did ask me, i really only complained about the context... it really just all smelled bad. I put everyone together and I had the skills and resources to make it all happen. But they wanted the control and 30-50% of the profits. . .

Hum, guess it's kinda obvious why that
no one around to tell what i can't do, so i can really do something.

What

I

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.