10:35:32 AM

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

10:35:32 AM

She called again on Sunday to reschedule for 2-3pm. I got there a bit after 2pm after I had lunch and shopped at Wild Oats. I called into her as I got there and asked if she needed boxes, of course, and I had grabbed some. She soon came to the door to let me in and I stopped her before the little hug and kiss and she wouldn’t let me do anything more with her at the door, not here she said. Didn't like the office thing again, ok, whatever!

We were soon up in her office going through all sorts of things. I soon stopped her again to feel her out. She still wouldn’t let me kiss her or catch her Ohm or anything? I was kinda surprised, but wasn’t really sure what to think.

We worked and moved around the space like old friends. Like the trust and energy between us was very secure and safe. Almost like a married couple who had always been together and understood and worked at great ease. We worked and chatted for 3 hours or so. Her "best buddy" called from CA, hadn't heard from her in months? It was kinda cute listening to her chat on the phone. Except I almost thought they were lovers . . . But then she said how Heather knew about me, and said hello... sweet...???? Wonder what she knows?

I got her started on her PC doing something while I watched and rubbed down her back (she said "wow personal masseuse, where were you trained?")... then I braided her hair... French braid, to keep from getting bored... lol... Haven't done that in years either... lol.... I brushed it out, since it was kinda sloppy. She didn’t say a word.

Finally we took boxes down to her car and she was ready to leave, racing off to get her daughter, and more chaos to deal with. I was holding onto her again and asked about "our relationship"... I said how she had called me a friend in one email which was a first and the most yet.

Yes friends, that's it for now, nothing more. Can't deal with it, need to get her new job set and still resolving custody crap . . . no kiss, nothing more. I asked her about connecting to me at night; like “last night?” and she said she hadn’t done that for a while.

That really doesn’t feel right to me now. Oh friends? Does she normally let friends braid her hair, cuddle and all .... Maybe this is NOT for me??? Of course then she called me as I wrote this all out for Kathy ... see the blog, and laugh ... I give up. No expectation is right; can't see anything now, simply tired of it too!

Course more happened last night again, as I sent in this note to Kathy afterwards.

Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:58:57 -0700 (PDT)

From: "Eric"

Subject: hi...

To: "Kathy Curry"

Ok I couldn't help myself...

Lyn told me she would take me to lunch if I helped her clean out her office... After I left there... all PISSED OFF... I sent a note as you saw...

When I got home today I realized I couldn't meet for lunch at all this week and I had better tell her ... courtesy call at the very least....

So now she called me back.... Sweet as ever over the phone! Very polite and intelligent wanting to plan a lunch for next week at a place halfway between us....

I'm seeing her on Tuesday now. Everything is done today with her old job, no idea where she went yet... but we'll see... no expectations... lol...

Take care

God Bless

eric

Of course now I remember another meeting I have on Tuesday, so I will have to reschedule again anyway. I really feel kinda lost again! It’s funny how while we were in the office doing stuff we were like kin. Very close, comfortable, nothing new, seemingly exactly like we had always been; except when I asked for a kiss and told her to breathe into me. Nope, no way???

Last night when we chatted again, her first question was about an email “It might be better to do dinner with another PC repair?” where she thought I was telling her to hire someone else for another “PC Repair.” I was only suggesting we meet at dinner time since lunch wasn’t happening -- also we could fix her other PC at the same time too. Interesting she was concerned about getting blown off . . . sounds like the fear she has from her ex. Oh yes, I’m sure that’s been the story of her life. Whenever she gets close and becomes a “girlfriend” the guy had his trophy and no longer respects her. I’ve heard a lot about how men only want to get the object. Conquer the challenge and then there is nothing else of interest. So the girl becomes a wall-flower or leaves him.

I guess I’ve got to undo what Man and society has done to Women from the beginning of time now, like I’ve got nothing better to do. I keep feeling her doing so much with me. I tried not to think of her at all after the Sunday “only friends” crap . . . which was nearly impossible. I took down all her pictures around here again, and focused on other stuff. But then last night after her phone call the feeling of us doing so much together really shifted. I know she’ll like the deal I sent her for Bruce and I to put together.

But then I also started feeling her doing all these other deals. I know I can get the people and such to make it all work, but I’m just no good and closing the deal. As I dozed off last night I was feeling how she could easily get all of these together. Course meeting Tuesday after I see Shawn will mean that I’m totally pumped up again ready to do anything.

Now I realize I have the Complexity Group until 1:30pm so I’ll miss lunch with her then. Weird stuff. This is all really weird for me. I wonder sometimes how I can possibly keep up with it all. Funny, I still get Lyn dropping in here and there to check me out. She’s still not convinced that I’m safe yet. That’s really funny for me to think about. Like she thought I was stalking her the next day after we worked Sunday, asking if I dropped by her office. She decided it was the florist, but that seems a little weird to me still.

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone was stalking her; especially if she normally lets people rub her back and braid her hair . . . . I guess girlfriends will do that with each other all the time. Like I know Emily had teachers and everyone playing with her hair. Crazy shit that’s for sure . . . why doesn’t someone come up and play with my hair? Lol...

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.