Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word! 1.48am 11/11/06

What did you do now?

I just ended an hour of hot Epsom Salt-water bath. Wow, I had gone to bed before 8pm. Woke up to chant by 11.11pm, then finished chanting by 12.12am when I walked back in. The numbers on the clock freaked me, so I asked outloud about "What Now Jesus." BATH!

The Chant was so powerful, very intense and personal. Last night I had put all the power into my own personal visions allowing my heart and mind to race into fantasies after the Emerge meeting and discussions with John and Michelle. Making long lists of ideas and to-do's.

The whole day was a de-ja-vu sharing ideas from my lists. I was on edge every moment and totally wired about the energy and experience. I let everything flow in the Love of God. No judgments no questions, but only free experience. So when I got home I knew I would be up again chanting, so I went right to bed. So this time when I chanted, I poured the energy more into . . . . Wow, into YOU!

Ugh. Into ME! There is only One life here!

It's my life, and it's also Your life and God's Life! Which we can share in and enjoy, or we can judge and suffer. It aint no more than that.

Wow, so my day of JOY went into the Thursday Group! Wow! So I wanted to spill the beans again . . . lol . . . and they asked me to again and again. Someone was missing! LOL . . . Course then I realized I couldn't tell them unless I could get the tape . . . . LOL!

We started to talk about friendships. So I immediately flashed into a ramble about the awesome experiences I had getting new things started for school. Complete freedom, open, clear and expressive, sharing truth and everything is an opportunity to share and grow with. No expectations, no desires just Joy and Fulfillment . . . lol . . . Awesome time with friends!

BUT, they all said how friends aren't anything without expectations. It's all about meeting needs and having shared expectations. It was the classic greed mentality from the media of the American Machine . . . Oh so of course they are RIGHT, so I wont say anything more at all. . . just sitting listening all alone and dejected for the next hour.

It was almost offensive how everyone repeated and rationalized about friends only exist because of expectations. Supporting each other saying over and over how it's normal that we all expect things from friends. That's what friends are. Like a "friend" is expected to spend time meeting with you. Or a "friend" is expected to spend time to talk with you. Or a friend needs to show up for planned events and such . . . No friendship existed without expectations . . .

Eekk, I thought how anyone who is civilized will showup and talk, how is expecting civil action anything unique for a friend, while Joy and Fun is not? It was like the blissful joy I shared and experienced all day was a LIE! Nothing possible without "expectations" . . .

Wow, some knew insight. Listening to the lost program about control and judgements of expectations . . . So that's the Matrix!!!! The lost psychodrama of the American Dream . . . . lol . . . Nightmare! Trying to control and fit everything into a box! yucko . . . lol. . . Not for me!

oppss. Then at the end, they came back to me . . . lol . . . What did Eric mean when he said a "normal expectation is imposing?" Was he trying to say 'expectations are wrong?' Why does he use negative words to describe something we all say is normal. Like forcing me to explain what I meant in the last 5 minutes after I took the first 5 minutes and it was all shit inbetween. . . lol . . . a big shit sadnwitch. lol. . . uh oh, laughing about stuff that hurts again... lol...

Wow, they really had NO CLUE what I was saying. Like all trapped in the program, lost in a little black box. Oh, he's just saying "understanding instead of expecting" while these words just mean the same thing...

WHAT?

Understanding Friends is respecting them. Respect is a truth and understanding, not an expectation . . . It's there or not, the light is on or off. There is truth in shared understanding = a friendship or there is nothing. You have trust and respect for each other, OR you have judgment and expectations. One is a friendship, the other is . . . lol. . . Well if that's where you are at, so be it.

I really tried to be polite and not say any judgment about what a friend is or not. It was really weird too, referring to my friends and family as examples. Like what if TC never answered the phone for a spontaneous lunch? "Never getting the expectation you have. . ." lol. . . But that's what friendship is, love and understanding, where I accept he's out of town or busy. I know he'll answer when he can. . . I understand it, so don't need some meaningless momentary fulfillment of a selfish imposing expectation. . . I can call tomorrow or I can have a spontaneous lunch with another friend. . . lol. . . I don't need any expectations, nor do I want one.

We both referred to mothers, too. I was talking about Joyce, my second mom. . . . lol. . . Since like Mothers are the ultimate in Love and Friendship for me, having my own super mom and many other moms. . . I mean only a mother could love some kids I've seen!!! lol. . . We were opposite on that relationship too, so I concluded that our experiences and lessons for life were so different that we defined and experienced these things in completly different ways. Our whole perception of the words and the power they carry was oppostie too, like night and day. Wow, I was never so clear in the meeting I'm sure.

Course all my research and experience is all about this. Everything I see and say is a reflection of me . . . We each only see what we need to learn. lol.... Course they never see that either, which is why so many people never see me at all. . . that was so cool to think and feel as I wrote and remembered the discussion. Here I joined a diverse discussion group, and typically these people would never even see me or ever listen to anything I say since our paths are so different. I can't even say that to them!

Everyone is worshipping something . . . lol "I choose You" by Point of Grace now 2.29am. It's Your life and you can see what you want to see. See Expectations and you get disappointments, rules and control; but understand the Joy and you share freedom and transparency . . .

With truth you have no expectations. It's not necessary. The moment is now, and you can have the joy to experience it . . . Or you can judge and suffer . . . lol . . . It's always a choice! But the Judge is always right, just ask him, he knows he'll tell you. That's why he's the judge! Not my problem, if that's where you are, then you need to judge.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You Amen