too much again. . . lol. . .

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What ?

I been going crazy with school... and then had group today. I had gotten a call to meet with the sponsors earlier this week, and i knew it was about breaking rules again . . . felt like they needed to suspend me . . . lol. . . serves me right. . .

What was it?

It was that exactly, when i arrived at 10am instead of 11.30, i said it would only take a few moments thinking I'd never see any of them again ... lol ... while she said 15-20 minutes. . .

Oh sure back after meeting solomon(to find the IBA had to be redone). . . lol. . .

And then she wanted me to say bye to the group. . . which was really kinda funky too ... make her authority clear ... lol ...

What are you struggling with?

I guess it's not really struggling, but anxious. i know things are getting ready to really change fast again ... it's weird how i get caught up into these things .... Like getting into bed tonight i knew i would have to get up to chant or something. And getting this out since i wanted to speak out about the chaos today at group. . . because it almost felt staged.

I'm glad though, whenever i talked about God they would cut me off. Just like never getting to the truth because they can't let it out. The system is designed to promote the system, so all the benefits are derived through system promotions. Make it work the way it always has, conform, fit into your box, and only do what the rules allow. . . . to increase profits!

LOL . . . . but we all know those who write the rules never follow them either. . . lol...

What do you feel about it...

I loved connecting to them. The 1st last week finding her own instincts, so sure and clear. Someone had said how I'm the engineer, trained to make everything fit into a rule, a box . . . so I'm like relearning everything . . . Then today they judged my experience with her, saying the whole group had been involved in her success not just me...

What? I asked the 1st about her instincts and actions which resulted in affirmations. . . . not anything that had ever been discussed in group? "instincts" were never discussed at all before? My connection to the truth had nothing to do with them. Like they diverted the conversation whenever it gets to God. Can't allow the truth to get out! Nor can I get too connected to any of them.

What do you mean?

I said how I'm always interrupted before they fully understand what I'm talking about. lol... funny, i've really connected to each one at one time or another where no one knew but us. . . But they said how me talking theory about boxes avoided the true expression of my personal feelings and experience.

What does that feel like?

I guess, it feels like I said to them today. Sure you are all in your boxes making rules to be safe . . . . . and i will connect and share as much as I can.

ANYWAY that I can! . . . No I'm not so personal, this isn't for me. . . God put me here so I could share what I did FOR YOU. , , . . . If you see that; wonderful! If NOT? . . . If you see something else? . . . . that's not my perception. . . lol. . . I would rather find the positive perspective but do whatever suits you...

LOL.... of that I only actually said "that's not my perception"

So then I thought i should go again to say good-bye to the one's i missed. But then i really only want to leave a letter saying how it's so sad to see people lost in the drugs and controls of the psycho world out there. And even worse to see the extremes the systems go to keep their controls in place . . .

What did yu just flash to?

I felt the NJ = FL crash and boom with my smile. . . and wondered how long their little fiefdom will survive. So now i feel like i need to close it up. As I went to the 11.30, they pulled out the blog I'd copied for everyone, so i said how the Journal was with skalkos. . . who was their in the hallway as we walked out. . . course i said how the hair was deep & dark at first ;-)

What did you want to say to her?

I'm not sure now. . . lol. . . Please Lord Jesus Fill me with Your DREAMS!

What do you need?

I Pray Dear Jesus For the Little People, Friends, Loves and Lost to share in the Power of Your Spirit to complete and fulfill all that we have set before us to the Glory Of Our Father, Son and Holy Ghost! amen.

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.