now what?

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What's up?

I guess there is a ton going on again. I know I need to do more, so I've been focused more on what I want to see. I guess I've simply decided it would be so. I'm tired of waiting for things and there is just too much that I want to see changed, so I'm making it happen.

What happened yesterday?

I rode my bike to school for the discussion group meeting and I decided what I needed to do about it. I've blogged a bit about it and I know I hadn't shared that with them yet, so I wanted to share that, but still needed to work on it too. Of course when I got to my office Sharon was there walking out of Mike's office next door, so I asked her if we needed to chat since she was there already, saving me the walk down to her office ... share the spontaneous insights ... she laughed and left... lol....

Of course then I realized I had spoken to her the day before about the same issues I had spoken to Mike about. As I got the blog copies for my group I read there about how it was the same issues with them too. I'm always working on the same things with everyone; and people get so lost in their own issues that they never have a clue what I'm talking about, which is really the solution to all our problems . . . . lol . . .

I think it's just getting people to understand that another human is capable of doing things for altruistic purposes. But they still search for a reason. No one can understand me. . . . searching to find some selfish ulterior motive... make one up or something. Maybe they need to find a box for me so they can be grounded, understanding my relationship to them. Then they can classify it . . . . put it into a box . . . It's kinda sad that people base relationships and interactions on this so much. Judge first then deal with the box. Like black, white, teacher, student, leader follower, friend . . . contact . . . whatever box might fit.

I told Mike how the conversation with Sharon was about the same issues again. How the faculty senate issues are all about the power of the faculty. And STARS was created as a method to get professors in control of everything again. Sharon sees it as "my corporation" or my creation, while it's really not a name or some "THING," but more of a method and technique. Again people get lost in the details and miss the basic fundamental point... STARS is a method of doing things. Student Taking Action is fundamental to our social growth, change and evolution. . . not just my projects . . . not just another selfish thing to put into another box . . .

I told him how everything I do was on the same page. How I've had the same discussion with all of the faculty here . . . . Greg, Jerry, Sharon, Walt . . . Everyone is struggling to control their own little piece . . . . fiefdoms . . . all making more of the same problem . . . which really makes them all suffer, because the real power and success comes in working together and sharing things.

Course the Machine is designed to force more fiefdoms; that way everyone adds to the machine to keep it growing.

Heck I even mentioned how Robert was looking at more "stress research" which is what I did in Nursing and the job that Michelle is doing with the R21 MBSR study. We should help him get a grant and make things work better for all of us . . . . stress is everywhere . . .

Course as I left I went through the front office and Malissa (Michelle's roomy who is there now too) asked me to help her with the software for Robert. So I told her to research for a grant instead and then I'll teach her, and she can ask Mike for where to search for a grant. . . lol . . .

What about the group...

Oh I then got there early and started reading the blog I printed for everyone. Course the 1st one came in as I was reading about the "training wheels" the group will need when she left. Course she wasn't there when we talked about it all so I can't tell her anything about it before the group starts... lol...

Oh but I'm reading before group so maybe she should see it too, and so I gave her a copy. Soon another came in, as I was reading something he had said in the last meeting too . . . figures, so I gave him a copy. . . lol . . .

Now the third came in, us four had been there the longest, and all might be gone next term. lol...

WOW. Course I had to gave him a copy too... and he started to read it... lol.. hold on, no one else is reading it yet but me . . . lol . . . now they could all burn me for breaking group rules AGAIN. . . . lol . . . . like what are rules for anyway. . . . then the group started...

So the 3rd said how the 1st was leaving, and we should say our good-byes... YES TRAINING WHEELS I said . . . talking to the 2nd who was now reading . . . lol . . . it's all the same things in my Blog again.... I could feel the power in the room already. . .

Then I went off into a ramble about what the blog said having a million connections to everything already . . . The 1st leaving so they needed training wheels . . . Wow was that intense. Too much energy pumped out too quick. Strong pointed questions, angry judgments... raised voices...

Some one even jumped up to leave!

Hold it, let's ask what we want to talk about. 3rd started again saying how we need to say good-bye to the 1st who's leaving. Course I agreed totally. . . then the next too... all eight round the room agreed we should. While the 1st then added that this was her last time at group and really wanted to talk about closing her own issues.

What was that?

It was her last class teams. No one worked but her and the presentation showed it to everyone. She got a B while they all D's and F's so the teacher agreed ... then she also talked to the other team leaders who had dealt with the same problems. She felt vindicated and connected with the leaders creating another study group/discussion group . . . . clear success and progress in working ahead where she needed.

Then she spoke about her weekend social work at at crisis center and the nurse present complimented her on the strength and skill she had working the night shift together.

I asked her what was similar between the two successes she faced.

She said it was interesting that I had noticed how similar they were. Then she said they both gave her a strong affirmation of her skills. . .

So then I asked what other ways they were similar? Had she followed her own instincts???

What did you feel when you wrote this?

I was thinking that I really was very focused and clear with her. Actually I realized how we had again connected very clearly. . . . And I knew it was really about the connections to God. . .

I mean You were very clear and strong with me at the meeting as I was careful to listen and speak slowly . . . . lol. . . wow, as I simply followed my instinct as clearly as I could to share what I learned with her.

What did you tell her?

I said how I started school to learn how to follow my instincts freely. I got into the discussion group for the same reasons as well. And here she had done it and seen it so clearly. All the books that have come in were on the same subject . . . Joel Olsten, Blink and the Power of Now. . . Just like the Blog was as well. . . . all about connecting to the truth we FEEL NOW! And move in instinct! In the Love of God!

Never, mentioned God in Group, but someone said I had made all these connections that no one else had seen, so they had no idea what I was talking about. Like how the naming and boxes really helped with understanding a set frame of reference which I avoided and complained about.

What did you say to her?

I told her how she was successful and affirmed whenever she followed her instincts. And we can all follow our instincts and be successful. And it was really great how she made it so clear and apparent to me now since I struggle to stay there spontaneous all the time.

We all complimented her saying how much we enjoy her insights and clear focused review of issues discussed in this group as well....

What did you realize now?

I was thinking about the training wheels and how this is like making the connection with another person. Sharing and understanding that we all have instincts and can all spontaneously help each other . . . I mean, talking to someone who understands, shares and listen is almost "training wheels" for life....

So I told her that she's been great to work with and I'm sure she'll be a great success in everything she does. And I really hope my daughter is lucky enough to meet someone like her when she finally comes out for her issues.

What did you do next?

I went back to my office and printed out all the tools we used in nursing and went and visited Robert. Told him we should get a grant and set this all up. So he showed me two articles he had published making his own tools . . . .lol. . . and GOT TWO PHONE CALLS about a new network of organizations needing his research - evaluations - - -lol. . .

What's so funny?

I remembered telling John at lunch how things increase whenever I want. Like FL or NJ or O&E or USF... lol... or Robert's and Cecile's research boom before my eyes . . . lol . . . like just my looking changes things!

But What happened next?

Oh he said that Melissa would come first on the grant funds. . . and I was insulted since she was just repeating what I told her. . . lol . . . Like the constant fiefdom BS control that everyone wants to pull. Course then Robert says he's not sure about grants anyway since he's not done any for a while, it takes so much time and he's not sure what group to work with yet.

Oh so I picked up my pile of tools and left. . . . lol. . . sure whatever.

I wasn't that blunt or rude, but as I left I started to think about other schools I could go to. I mean if all USF is totally lost in fiefdoms maybe I would have better luck somewhere else. I mean John is really cool and USF might wake up someday; but I told them the first day what I needed to do about grants and funding. And now my MBA is about done and I already mortgaged my house for this!

What happened next?

Kathy called and asked about dinner? No big deal, something simple maybe. She said she could order pizza, so I remembered the last beer still in her fridge from Pam's visit . . . lol . . . ah perfect pizza and beer!!! lol... see ya at 6pm!

Funny as I was riding down to her street I saw these GIANT Raindrops pounding the pavement before me. . . PLEASE NO RAIN, Thanks GOD, give me a few more minutes!! lol... THANKS

I got to Kathy's dry. And the Pizza was there as I sat down with my beer. Course then she says she wants to get working again . . . maybe find a good grant to start with the Boys and Girls Club down the road. . .

WOW!!!! Of course we can do it all ourselves. Why wait for all these teachers . . . I know Kathy is right here and she's already gotten grants, then Equan is down the road and he's already done church projects with kids & scouts building computers with me. I chatted him this week, since he's due back in town too. . . So let's just DO IT. Heck john is 1/2 way between Equan and Kathy off the same road... lol... and they both already have STARS computers and extras . . . while I've still got a pile of these here....

WOW, I need to just get these people together.... Thanks ;-)

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.... Thank You for Clearing my Path and leading to Your Fulfillment: fill me with Your Words, Strength and Wisdom as I continue in all that You give me... Thanks Amen!