Independence Day

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What happened now?

I read more of the 1987 Journal, basically the month of May. . . and I realized that things will keep happening to me until I get them right. Like Kathy wrote in an email to me today. And it is exactly like the July 4th thingy that I did.

I can really be "in Love" any time I want to, and I really don't need to wait for someone to show up; because it's my love and my choice. I can love every moment and love everyone anytime that I want to. Expecting some Angel or Princess to make things complete or something is just a big joke, it's giving away my power. Course I've always known this but still I let people do this to me anyway . . . I get so lost into someone that I forget everything else . . .

What did you read about?

I read about getting lost in another lady and letting it twist me all up. Course at the same time I was struggling to define myself and find out what I needed to do or wanted to do. And it really all came down to expressing myself more fully and getting out there instead of hiding in my own cocoon. I wonder if that's what I always do, I'm always hiding in a cocoon instead of really getting out there and doing what I really want to do.

What about expressing yourself?

I know it's always about expressing my own emotions instead of hiding them or holding them. I never tell people "how I feel" . . . I show it and assume that it's obvious. But that never is good enough. I mean, people need to hear it more or I need to come to terms with it better. It's really about who I am and what I do best. Fully expressive and spontaneous is all about what I feel and who I am. If I'm fully in the Spirit of God then I can Love and Share in everything all the time. Sure I usually can find the joy anywhere and smile with love at total chaos . . . . But sharing the words and the truth in my heart is what I need to be doing more. So much of what I do it hidden and behind the scenes . . . and that really is only hurting me!

It hurts a lot more than that Son. You need to remember what you are here for. And if you are ready for it and can make it true and happen this time. Then you need to just DO IT!

I know, I know! But I never realized how much I hold onto. Like this weekend with Pam, Karen and Laura we were all goofing around talking and sharing stuff. They did what they needed and so did I ... I guess what I wanted to say was at the end of the day when everyone was leaving and saying goodnight . . . we all hugged each other. And Karen is about my size so we fit together, or hug a bit closer or whatever . . . lol . . . Course then she says "dam we need to get this guy a lover" . . . It was really cute. I always squeeze them all tight, but I guess I got tight on her neck or something . . . lol . . . smelled or reacted to the yummy woman-ness there or something.

Then she's telling the ladies we need to plan a trip to the dog park or somewhere and get me on the cell phone to give me step by step instructions . . . lol . . . it was really kinda funny, especially with the other ladies agreeing and pushing the idea. Pam has said that before about her crazy whip-it in the dog park down on Davis Island will attract all the attention. It's really funny attracting attention has never been a problem for me, I just never could handle the meaningless chit-chat . . . lol . . . while the truth gets to intense too fast for most everyone!

What do you feel now?

I guess I know it's not everyone. So I wonder about this too. And I realize how close I've gotten to so many really cool awesome things in my life. Funny reading about Virginia today I talked about being 16 and goofing like a little kid. And then I've seen those same teachers recently, who say I've not changed a bit. And I know I haven't . . . I'm still the crazy little kid doing whatever I feel like doing goofing about like with the ladies this weekend . . . lol . . .

What do you really FEEL like doing?

I knew you would do that! I know I can finish everything I want right now, and I know I can't waste my time anymore. I know I can do so many things that most people only dream about. Like Loving every moment. I can feel the trees, and sing with the birds and squirrels. I'm always filled with Love and Joy . . . that's all I see everywhere and there is really nothing there that is new to me. I tease people about how I've never left this Earth. I feel like the original spore that popped into this place and remember countless ships raiding these shores and all the rest. Always the rebel, always pushing the limits. Nothing new!!!

So again it's about ME, and what I WANT!!! And how I WANT to express it all. And It's always about love and sharing it fully and clearly all the time . . . . Like this laptop and my truck! I told my truck not to have any more troubles and it stopped .... and I let this laptop work as Long as I want it to. It was so funny the last time it shut off, I knew it would happen, I could have timed it!!! So what do I want to do tomorrow? I want to blow the doors off of a few things. I can't wait anymore. I need to make things what I want! Dam no one else has any clue what's here or what's happening . . . someone has to get things right and moving again as they should!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Please fill me with your Word so I may fulfill the Glory of Father, Son and Holy Ghost Amen.